Finally Grieving
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 774
Finally Grieving
You know, break ups are like deaths, and they cycle very much the same. Shock, anger, grief, and acceptance.
I had this amazing dream the other night. Finally ONE dream where my recovery from my xabf seems to be sinking in!
I was at the movies with my xabf and my two lovely daughters... He was like, "Stay for the movie with us. But I knew I had to leave, so I left. Without my daughters. And I walked out of the theater only to come to this huge open grassy field. And on the left were a row of big cats: lion, tiger, cougar, leopard, and so on...
I thought, "I'd better turn back before those big cats attack me!"
So I'm on my way back and my little one comes running out of the theater, "Mommy!" (like she always does) and she hugs me. Two seconds later, my eldest comes out and hugs me. I say, "I thought you were gonna watch the movie with XXXX?" They say "No mommy, we want to be with you!"
I feel it is a reflection of me taking the reigns of mother-hood and ensuring that my daughters won't grow up to "date" the same men as I have.
So I'm sitting here tonight. This is the first weekend since I broke up with my xabf that my daughters will be gone at their dad's house, and I did not make a distraction plan to hang out with friends this time. And of course, wouldn't you know it? I put a song on that I've been writing, the dams tears start flowing! Out of no-where! Did I ever mention I'm a writer and singer? I took a look at many of past songs, and WOW! Major codie! Hahaha... Still good music though...
Anyway, not really needing anything to pull me out of my funk. I guess I'm just here to vent my emotions. It took a while for this feeling of sadness to really come out. For a while I kept thinking, "there's no way I'm over this yet. When is the hurt going to come?"
I had this amazing dream the other night. Finally ONE dream where my recovery from my xabf seems to be sinking in!
I was at the movies with my xabf and my two lovely daughters... He was like, "Stay for the movie with us. But I knew I had to leave, so I left. Without my daughters. And I walked out of the theater only to come to this huge open grassy field. And on the left were a row of big cats: lion, tiger, cougar, leopard, and so on...
I thought, "I'd better turn back before those big cats attack me!"
So I'm on my way back and my little one comes running out of the theater, "Mommy!" (like she always does) and she hugs me. Two seconds later, my eldest comes out and hugs me. I say, "I thought you were gonna watch the movie with XXXX?" They say "No mommy, we want to be with you!"
I feel it is a reflection of me taking the reigns of mother-hood and ensuring that my daughters won't grow up to "date" the same men as I have.
So I'm sitting here tonight. This is the first weekend since I broke up with my xabf that my daughters will be gone at their dad's house, and I did not make a distraction plan to hang out with friends this time. And of course, wouldn't you know it? I put a song on that I've been writing, the dams tears start flowing! Out of no-where! Did I ever mention I'm a writer and singer? I took a look at many of past songs, and WOW! Major codie! Hahaha... Still good music though...
Anyway, not really needing anything to pull me out of my funk. I guess I'm just here to vent my emotions. It took a while for this feeling of sadness to really come out. For a while I kept thinking, "there's no way I'm over this yet. When is the hurt going to come?"
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hey Lemon Girl, being able to write a song must be a great outlet for your feelings. If it makes the tears flow, all the better.
The first visits to the other parent can be difficult, but you get used to it quickly and learn to enjoy the break. Hope the girls do too.
The first visits to the other parent can be difficult, but you get used to it quickly and learn to enjoy the break. Hope the girls do too.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 774
Oh sorry... My girls' dad is NOT my xabf. And believe me, it is just as hard to let them go with that ***** now as it was 7 years ago! Ha!
What I said was that this is the first weekend my girls will be gone that I don't have my xabf around and I don't have plans with friends to distract me. In other words, just me myself and I. And I guess what happened is that I was able to drop "mommy-mode" and "social etiquettes" so left alone, my real feelings came creeping up!
And yeah, song writing is therapeutic, indeed! But I don't do it for therapy. It's something I've done all my life. I can't really share any of my work here so that I keep my personal identity a secret. Call me crazy, but I think a lot of our members can relate to my music. :-P
What I said was that this is the first weekend my girls will be gone that I don't have my xabf around and I don't have plans with friends to distract me. In other words, just me myself and I. And I guess what happened is that I was able to drop "mommy-mode" and "social etiquettes" so left alone, my real feelings came creeping up!
And yeah, song writing is therapeutic, indeed! But I don't do it for therapy. It's something I've done all my life. I can't really share any of my work here so that I keep my personal identity a secret. Call me crazy, but I think a lot of our members can relate to my music. :-P
Baby Steps
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Good for you lemongirl your doing great and it's good that you have allowed the hurt to come out and not distracted yourself. Sitting with our emotions is difficult so well done for letting them come out.
So jealous I would love to be able to write music or poetry lol but it's not a talent I have lol
So jealous I would love to be able to write music or poetry lol but it's not a talent I have lol
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