What have I gotton myself into?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: NorCal
Posts: 41
What have I gotton myself into?
I must to be honest and accountable. The shot I did on V-Day (story in a previous post) put me back to day 1. So now it’s officially day 7, and I’m in a BIG conundrum with a complex decision to make.
Sorry this is post is kind of long.
Background:
Our meetings with our marriage therapist (every other week) have been like a broken record. Every time we see him we discuss another relapse, and how my plan has not been working despite the tweaks I’ve made along the way. My therapist and wife are insisting a formal rehab program (inpatient) is the only way. Deep down I know the $ will be well spent if I work the program as intended. I keep thinking to myself I can do it without the expense, time and work related hurdles a formal inpatient rehab program will cause. I’m a valued engineer and the company needs me here. We already have one engineer out battling cancer, likely never to return, and two open engineering positions.
Details:
The inpatient/residential program is an undetermined duration and varied to the client’s needs. The outpatient program is 4 days per week from 6pm to 9pm. I’d have to leave the office at 5pm to make it to rehab by 6pm for 8 weeks (32 days). I often leave past 5pm but can come in early if needed. I think I may be able to shorten the duration of the program if I take a week off from work for residential rehab first, then do the outpatient for less weeks. I wouldn’t see my 11 year old 4 days a week. I’d leave before he wakes up, and get home after he’s gone to bed. This puts additional burden on my wife but I know she feels it’s worth it for me and my son despite the fact we may never be able to reconcile and she still may leave regardless. My son is well aware of what’s going on, still loves me and has faith I will “fix” myself and not drink anymore.
I’m worried about work, our financial life line. My vice-president has been through this with her son Joey. I don’t know how she will be with me coming clean to her about my problem. It could go “oh no, not another Joey (who now works in a rehab clinic) or she could be very understanding. I know she has spent a lot of $ and grief over Joey, his divorce and her 5 yr old granddaughter. Things are on track for them all now but it was rough getting there. The president is laid back and will probably understand. What choice does he have? Can I take that chance, by law I cannot be fired but it could damage my future in some way. We also have an EAP (employee assistance plan) through work. I need to call and find out the details.
After writing and reading this over the answer is clear. I wish my crystal ball was working.
Heading home now, will check-in later this evening.
Sorry this is post is kind of long.
Background:
Our meetings with our marriage therapist (every other week) have been like a broken record. Every time we see him we discuss another relapse, and how my plan has not been working despite the tweaks I’ve made along the way. My therapist and wife are insisting a formal rehab program (inpatient) is the only way. Deep down I know the $ will be well spent if I work the program as intended. I keep thinking to myself I can do it without the expense, time and work related hurdles a formal inpatient rehab program will cause. I’m a valued engineer and the company needs me here. We already have one engineer out battling cancer, likely never to return, and two open engineering positions.
Details:
The inpatient/residential program is an undetermined duration and varied to the client’s needs. The outpatient program is 4 days per week from 6pm to 9pm. I’d have to leave the office at 5pm to make it to rehab by 6pm for 8 weeks (32 days). I often leave past 5pm but can come in early if needed. I think I may be able to shorten the duration of the program if I take a week off from work for residential rehab first, then do the outpatient for less weeks. I wouldn’t see my 11 year old 4 days a week. I’d leave before he wakes up, and get home after he’s gone to bed. This puts additional burden on my wife but I know she feels it’s worth it for me and my son despite the fact we may never be able to reconcile and she still may leave regardless. My son is well aware of what’s going on, still loves me and has faith I will “fix” myself and not drink anymore.
I’m worried about work, our financial life line. My vice-president has been through this with her son Joey. I don’t know how she will be with me coming clean to her about my problem. It could go “oh no, not another Joey (who now works in a rehab clinic) or she could be very understanding. I know she has spent a lot of $ and grief over Joey, his divorce and her 5 yr old granddaughter. Things are on track for them all now but it was rough getting there. The president is laid back and will probably understand. What choice does he have? Can I take that chance, by law I cannot be fired but it could damage my future in some way. We also have an EAP (employee assistance plan) through work. I need to call and find out the details.
After writing and reading this over the answer is clear. I wish my crystal ball was working.
Heading home now, will check-in later this evening.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: South
Posts: 226
For what its worth Akiba - you sound highly intelligent, and are obviously quite distinguished professionally. If this is you at half capacity (ie newly sober), imagine how phenomenal you'll be hard core sober at full capacity. The answer is clear from your post, just follow your sober mind - it's thinking clearly!
Into the Void
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 931
Akiba,
I'm going to guess that from what you said that you are probably a software engineer in the Bay Area? Which means that there are probably hundreds or thousands of jobs begging for you upon your return. Even your own company has many open jobs. First things first - do what you have to do for you. You will almost certainly find work again when you are ready.
I'm going to guess that from what you said that you are probably a software engineer in the Bay Area? Which means that there are probably hundreds or thousands of jobs begging for you upon your return. Even your own company has many open jobs. First things first - do what you have to do for you. You will almost certainly find work again when you are ready.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Your life and well being is just as valuable if not more than what your job needs you to do. I understand your co worker being out indefinitely (man cancer sucks i worry about that a lot being an ex smoker) and the job openings means there aren't enough of you.
But in the end you new to find what works for you, your family, your financial status and your cares in whatever order you value them. That being said family and your own health would come first for me but only you can decide.
Are you going to marriage therapy? If so the sole discussion shouldn't be on your alcoholism but your marriage as a whole.
But in the end you new to find what works for you, your family, your financial status and your cares in whatever order you value them. That being said family and your own health would come first for me but only you can decide.
Are you going to marriage therapy? If so the sole discussion shouldn't be on your alcoholism but your marriage as a whole.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 518
Sounds like you have a good handle on understanding your dilemma.. However the dilemma is very heavy. I slways say the best answer is to do what is best for yourself first. Then your kids. Then your relationship. And then all the way at the bottom is work. Other than work for money in my opinion no matter where u are on the corporate ladder it is best to keep your orivate life private. Therefor it would be best to try your outpatient program after work hours. And do NOT tell your vp or prez.. If you need to take holiday do it. When the program is conplete and you have a good plan in place to get better you can start making lufe changing moves.. Do it when you are sober and clear of mind.
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