Please help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Berlaar Antwerpen
Posts: 72
Please help
Hello to everyone who took the trouble to read this. Lately I've been feeling great fears in relation to my former alcohol abuse. That's right: I say former, because after what happened last time, I am never drinking again!
Okay, so here's my story: I've always been a depressed person and in the last year or so I really let myself go, with drinking (before that, from about age 18 I had the odd glass or two, but it didn't control my life.): monthly and sometimes weekly a lot, never anything too strong, mostly beer: like four or five cans a night.
Funny thing was: I didn't believe I had a problem and thought I was in control... turns out I wasn't, cause after I majorly let myself go during the holidays, I felt different in my head. It's been almost two months now and it's really scary, because my mind seems blank during the day, my short term memory went to hell and I have trouble focusing on new things. It's like I'm not even human anymore. Some days I feel like it's even getting worse.
Another thing that really troubles me is that I'm still young: just 21 and I feel handicapped. My family also doesnt seem to understand the seriousness of the situation. I already had a ct-scan and it was negative, but I didn't tell the doctors everything, out of shame and fear.
I used to be very smart and now I feel like I've thrown it all away. The really sad part is that I've tried to quit twice before it was too late, but as soon as I got confronted with the 'evil' liquid, I couldn't help myself.
But on to my main question: can anybody ( preferably around the same age as me) reassure me even a little, from experience? Like, do you get even slightly better with long-term sobriety? I'm already doing my utmost: like taking vitamins, eating healthy, drinking water, sleeping enough... but then I feel like: is there still a point? Please, please help!
Okay, so here's my story: I've always been a depressed person and in the last year or so I really let myself go, with drinking (before that, from about age 18 I had the odd glass or two, but it didn't control my life.): monthly and sometimes weekly a lot, never anything too strong, mostly beer: like four or five cans a night.
Funny thing was: I didn't believe I had a problem and thought I was in control... turns out I wasn't, cause after I majorly let myself go during the holidays, I felt different in my head. It's been almost two months now and it's really scary, because my mind seems blank during the day, my short term memory went to hell and I have trouble focusing on new things. It's like I'm not even human anymore. Some days I feel like it's even getting worse.
Another thing that really troubles me is that I'm still young: just 21 and I feel handicapped. My family also doesnt seem to understand the seriousness of the situation. I already had a ct-scan and it was negative, but I didn't tell the doctors everything, out of shame and fear.
I used to be very smart and now I feel like I've thrown it all away. The really sad part is that I've tried to quit twice before it was too late, but as soon as I got confronted with the 'evil' liquid, I couldn't help myself.
But on to my main question: can anybody ( preferably around the same age as me) reassure me even a little, from experience? Like, do you get even slightly better with long-term sobriety? I'm already doing my utmost: like taking vitamins, eating healthy, drinking water, sleeping enough... but then I feel like: is there still a point? Please, please help!
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
You're young. The brain and body are resilient. I felt much like you several months into sobriety, but it got better. And I drank and drugged for forty years.
Two suggestions:
Next time you see a doctor or counselor, be honest about your concerns and reasons for them. It will help them help you.
Check out Rick Hanson's "Hardwiring Happiness." It's about changing your neural structure through positive thinking. Anxiety is like being in fight or flight mode. It's like feeling like a rabbit being chased by a cheetah. Only in your case the cheetah isn't there.
It's not too late.
You say you paid with your life. I disagree.
You'll be okay. Believe it. Live it. Make it happen.
Two suggestions:
Next time you see a doctor or counselor, be honest about your concerns and reasons for them. It will help them help you.
Check out Rick Hanson's "Hardwiring Happiness." It's about changing your neural structure through positive thinking. Anxiety is like being in fight or flight mode. It's like feeling like a rabbit being chased by a cheetah. Only in your case the cheetah isn't there.
It's not too late.
You say you paid with your life. I disagree.
You'll be okay. Believe it. Live it. Make it happen.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Welcome to the family. 
A thorough check up with your doctor can put your mind at ease. Be honest about your drinking. Have you stopped drinking yet?
SR is a great place for support.
A thorough check up with your doctor can put your mind at ease. Be honest about your drinking. Have you stopped drinking yet? SR is a great place for support.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi, I agree with all the above posts, including the question about your current drinking state. I've experienced the weirdest things when I was drinking heavily, and especially when going through short cycles (2-3 days) of benders and abstinence, plenty of these. I seriously often thought I was losing my mind, I had cognitive problems, all sorts of weird sensations, insane emotional states, whatnot. It all went away after getting sober for good, including major anxiety. Do get yourself checked out thoroughly and be honest with the docs, as advised above. I was also very scared because no one seemed to understand what I was going through, they did not believe me... but I was hiding my drinking from everyone. Again, for me all that *** was related to active alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hi:
A neurologist once told me:
You can lie to your family, wife, teachers, boss, etc. but you should NEVER lie to your doctor.
If your concern is them "telling" on you, they can't because of privacy laws. If your concern is judgment, they have probably seen it all...
You are very young and you will get better if you make the needed changes.
Stick around here, we will support you.
Ps: I would also say, we shouln't lie to anybody
A neurologist once told me:
You can lie to your family, wife, teachers, boss, etc. but you should NEVER lie to your doctor.
If your concern is them "telling" on you, they can't because of privacy laws. If your concern is judgment, they have probably seen it all...
You are very young and you will get better if you make the needed changes.
Stick around here, we will support you.
Ps: I would also say, we shouln't lie to anybody
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Berlaar Antwerpen
Posts: 72
Thanks everybody for the words of support. At the moment, I just don't know how to ever rebuild a fully functioning human being from these crumbled pieces. I just can't believe, what I've allowed myself to become. And I don't even have the energy to worry anymore. It's like I've turned into a zombie and life just happens for other people, while I sit through a day, which I'll probably end up forgetting half about, within a week.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Berlaar Antwerpen
Posts: 72
Thanks again, if you've got the time I'd like to learn how you've coped with sobriety, psychological difficulties and such. I would've pm'ed you, but I can't, because I'm new and don't have enough posts.
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