Overcomer4

I've been seperated for 6 months and really have been focusing on myself and what I need to work on......I have grown tremendously and am continuing to do so. I have had an amazing journey so far doing the things I want to do.

I have has some sadness because as I get better my AH gets worse and is trying so hard to change me, manipulate me, and control me. I keep moving along in my recovery and strengthening my relationship with God.

I was wondering how the alcoholic in your life responded to all the changes you have made once they are no longer the center of attention?

Unfortunately I have seen no positive changes in my AH he is getting progressivly worse and is in denial always pointing the finger to me.....

ladyscribbler

My ex had a very similar response. He continues to drink and progress in his disease while I focused on healing myself. We've been apart for over a year and he still tries to blame me for everything that's wrong in his life.
He also replaced me with a new enabler who has no problem focusing all of her attention on an active alcoholic and subjecting her own children to horrible behavior.
Everything that's happened since I left has totally validated my decision to leave, and now I have my own recovery. Like you it's been a great experience for me, doing things for me, taking care of myself and pursuing my own dreams.
Great post, thanks.

firebolt

Yeah, I think my ABF is too drunk to notice my changes for the most part. When he sobers up, he sees and tries to act like hes grown somewhat, but that all goes away when the next bottle is cracked.

It is ok - it no longer brings me to depression, it makes me stronger in my resolve to recover myself. It no longer makes me reclusive, it makes me get the hell out and do fun things with friends. It no longer keeps me angry at him for days on end, it makes me feel sad for his sickness, and grateful to realize and work on my own sickness.

What a journey this all is - huh - I love that you call it an "amazing one"! So positive!

When we first got together, ABF always said "if we don't grow together, we'll grow apart." I always thought - ugg how lame and cliche.

And here we are, 4 years later - growing at much, much different rates. I should hug him for trying to let me know that this growth would break us apart. I should apologize to him for writing off those wise, wise albeit drunken words of wisdom. And I should take the next step to further my growth by getting out of this unhealthy situation and into one where I can flourish. Really, I should thank him. I would not have taken this amazing journey without his help.

Overcomer4

I don't think at this time my marriage will be repaired until he starts working on himself.....I get sad sometimes but I know I don't ever want to go back to what I just came out of.....

I'm hoping he will move on if he's not going to change but it seems like he is trying to dig at me anyway he can to justify his behavior. He's trying to figure out why he can't get to me why I am not buying into him bull sh**.

An awesome thing that happened to me was he kept telling my how he doesn't recogniE me anymore and has no idea who I am anymore....well.....my 13 year old daughter overheard and told me mom it's because you are stronger

As sad as it is to leave behind someone you love you have to stand up for what's right and do what's needed.....I never ever thought of myself as stronger but find it pretty amazing my daughter can see it in me I knew I was changing but didn't think it was that noticible

Overcomer4

I have heard that quote growing together or we will grow apart....I think when I was with my husband I didn't realize how sick I was and how dependent we were on each other.....we had no identity and once I started getting one and realizing who I was it started to shake the relationship. I don't think we were whole people as sad as that is I have really learned a lot about myself and what I needed to do

CodeJob

Oh yes, my son calls me his BAMF. He sees much of the changes in me.

ladyscribbler

It seems like he is trying to dig at me anyway he can to justify his behavior.

Standard alcoholic procedure. If everything is your fault then he never has to look at his own behavior, and can continue to justify his drinking.

An awesome thing that happened to me was he kept telling my how he doesn't recognize me anymore and has no idea who I am anymore....well.....my 13 year old daughter overheard and told me mom it's because you are stronger

Now that's recovery! You are setting a great example for your daughter. Good job mama.

Overcomer4

I just want to give anyone struggling some support.....focus on your own recovery you are sooo worth it!! I'm not saying leave and move on it is a process. My husband moved to another city to prove that I was wrong with all the choices I've made and he expected me to run after him. I didn't run I just continued to grow and enjoy where I was. When I was sad I would pray and remember this to shall pass.....and guess what it did!! I seek my comfort in Christ. Today is a good day and I am blessed! I always refer to this season of my life as painfully awesome....I've found healing through my pain and that is AWESOME!!

My AH didn't change but I did and that made all the differance

firebolt

EXCELLENT! I love that you see what an amazing thing this is and that the people closest to you notice!