Nowsthetime

Hello:

I can't make this long but I need feedback. We have been going through a lot of stress. So, we were arguing and he tells me "and I can't even have a drink with you or a glass of wine". So I proceeded to remind him of all the horrible things I did while drunk. His answer: "but we also had good times, I wasnt always bad."

I don't want to drink, even if it is 1... How can I hadle this?

I see his point but why can't he see mine. His support hasn't been the best (clearly) but he has been trying.

What do you guys think?

aasharon90

Addiction affects all members within the
family whether they agree or not. It was
suggested that all members in the family
seek some sort of recovery that is available
for all members.

When I entered recovery 24 yrs ago, my
then husband took the suggestion given
to him and attended several al-anon
meetings and that was it. He picked up
the word detachment and he was done.

I continued on my recovery journey going
thru healthy changes for me, but during
these changes, the communication and
understanding fell to the waist side.

I was the only one with an addiction
problem and was using the AA program
taught to me in rehab and thus continued
using it thru out the marriage till it ended
after 25 yrs.

I guess that since the other family members
didn't have addiction problems then their
lives went on as usual without skipping a
beat. Then when the marriage ended, I
left with them scratching their head as to
what happened to our family unit.

I guess they figured that because I didn't
drink anymore then I was cured. That I
didn't need to depend on a recovery program
any longer. For me, I knew and still know
that addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful
and if I were to cut my ties with my recovery
support then, I would be left to live life on
my own will, my own laurals and from my
past history, my will never worked. Especially
when it came to controlling my drinking.

It truly saddened me that my 25yr marriage
ended because I always admired couples who
stayed sober together happy, healthy and honest
together for long periods of time. However, I don't
regret what has happened in my life thus so
far, because, where I am today, sober, healthy,
happy, honest and yes, remarried for 6 yrs.
now, and now I am truly blessed and grateful
for my next chapter in life and recovery.

Nonsensical

When he is reminding you of what he has lost, remind him of what he has gained.

Anna

I think you can help your husband to understand that change can be sad, but necessary and obviously being sober is going to make a better life for both of you.

My suggestion is to try to come up with ideas of things you could do together to connect and relax as a couple. My husband and I started taking long walks in the evenings and it's been a great opportunity to chat and connect.

Soberwolf

I have a no alcohol rule in my home i find it strange he gets into argument with his wife who is sober

Normal ppl dont have this problem nows

My suggestion is put a no alcohol rule on your home theres plenty of places for ppl to drink

Sorry Nows ((()))

Nowsthetime

Thanks guys! I really don't mind him drinking and we usually don't have booze in the house. I guess he is missing the "bond" that drinking together caused. I tell him to drink if he wants to that I just won't and he told me he misses me drinking. This is after years of asking me to moderate or quit. He reall isn't a big drinker and as I said, it doesn't bother me if he does it. It bothers me that he wants me drink though, specially since he has seen me at my worst.

Arghh!!! Annoying!

Nonsensical

I had a similar issue for a while. Mrs Non and I had some good drinking times together in the past and she wished we could get back to that place. Took her a while to realize I can never get back to that kind of drinking.

Last autumn I came home one night and she had opened a bottle of wine and said "help yourself if you want". I looked at the half bottle of wine and my first thought was "That will never be enough, how would I get more?"

I just can't do it anymore. It's gone forever - but so are the blackouts, fights, missed work, drunk driving, etc. We got the better end of the deal. Just have to remind her from time to time.

biminiblue

It is simply that - annoying.

He'll get over it. Or he won't. Your job is to accept him and his foibles and to not drink. Good job in recognizing that this is his issue to solve. Keep reminding him of that when he brings it up