tired28

Here i go again!So i celebrated 3 months last week but i cantseem to shake these feelings. I attend A.A but i cant help but keep thinking its not for me. It is sucking the life out of me. Not so much the meetings themselves, but the message and the steps. Even when I as drinking i still for the most part had a sunny disposition. Now I feel like my mind wont stop. I feel like im losing my positive way of thinking. Im more focused on all of my flaws more than i have ever been.

They say in the meetings "if you want what we have". To be honest I DONT other than the sobriety part. I dont see anything overly amazing or magical about the people, although everyone is very nice and welcoming. I just feel like i quit drinking to kickstart my life and stop wasting time at parties. BEFORE I WAS WASTING TIME DRINKING, NOW IM WASTING TIME AT MEETINGS, and things STILL arent getting done.

Im just scared i will revert back to my old ways if i DONT work the A.A program and attend. But it almost doesnt seem so bad right about now compared to this.

I dont know i jst feel stuck and would appreciate any input.

tnman1967

AA is a positive force and have helped a lot of people. With that said I am exactly like you. I tried them for a while back in the nineties and I felt the same way. It's just too much dwelling on negative stuff and it dragged me down more than up. I am not saying this to bash AA, I'm happy for the people it does work for and we have to acknowledge that it won't work for everyone. So with that said, you will have to find an alternative way. There are many but I can't tell you which one that worked for you. I have been sober 19 months this time and it's the longest since 1996 when I was sober for 12 months. This time I did it without any support besides SR. I had a revelation and changed my way of thinking and finally accepted that I can't drink anymore and more importantly, I don't want to drink anymore. Good luck and don't ever think that one program works for everybody.

tired28

Thanx tnman,
I just keeps racing through my mind, what they say " You will go back out if dont follow our path! I dont want to drink anymore and that scares me to death. I almost wish i had never gone in the first place. I wonder if i might have had more confidence in my abilites to stay sober had i not and if i might have been furthur on in my recovery, Who knows?

freshstart57

It's true, some find their meaning and solution in the rooms, and others get the screaming meemies there, as I did. There are many tools available to us to assist with our pursuit of sobriety, and some will suit better than others. For a decidedly direct alternative, look at AVRT or SMART. These are empowering self directed tools that you may find helpful. There is plenty of information about these on the web, and also in our own Secular Connections forum. You might find http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html helpful.

Make no mistake - you can choose to quit drinking and then do it. You deserve it, don't you think?

deadlydame

Tired, I understand where you are coming from as I too had many reservations in regards to AA and NA. Struggling with all my doubts and questions, a friend simply advised me to keep an open mind. Why already make a decision as to whether something works or not when I just started practicing it. It does help me. As far as "if you want what we have" I believe it is only in reference to recovery.

tired28

thanx deadly dame, but honestly i feel like once i get to a certain point i will never beable to go back on my own way of thinking and living. Its already screwing with me and my moods. Im not happy there bottom line.Im not happy with the way im thinking. Im miserable and ive never been miserable and negative. I dont want to feel guilty for having and "ego". Idont want to question if every decision i ever make is "the right thing to do". I cant even enjoy listening to music anymre because i feel " it goes against what my morals :shuld be". I was happy with the person i was...minus the drinking part.

Dee74

I'd want to be sure I was making the right decision for the right reasons...but if you really feel that AA has nothing to offer you there are alternatives

Freshstart has mentioned SMART and RationalRecovery. LifeRing might be another option?

awuh1

It seems very simple. Don't go. You seem to feel there is too much negativity in the meetings you attend. So don't. You can always go back if you feel you need to later.

strategery

I've never done AA and am just about the same place as you in terms of sobriety time. I am a big believer in that you need to work a program that works for you since if it isn't working for you and you're not liking it, you're not likely to stick with it. I seem to do a combo of AA steps (just thinking about them-no sponsor), AVRT, HALT and SR chat meetings. Many members have additional tools, which are very helpful.

Axiom

What do you want to be doing instead of AA meetings and why aren't you doing it now?

I think I got stuck in the dirt thinking sobriety was just going to make everything perfect. I am round three months also and I feel as if I am just now understanding what people have been saying to me about it just meaning you're present for life. I like it but its not all sunny walks in the park. I'm bored a lot and trying to find new ways to occupy my drinking time.

I'm not sure about A.A. either. I don't like the meetings all that much. They honestly make me a little bit sad. I have decided to do the 12 steps though. I figure it's not going to hurt me.

You definitely don't need A.A. to stay sober or have a great full sober life. Just look around here. So many people have chosen a different way and are happy. I go to a weekly smart meeting I enjoy. If you have it around you I do suggest at least checking it out. Plus the whole secular section here is full of good methods.

Best of luck.

Oh, and don't revert back. I don't think backwards is a good direction for anyone. Just change lanes if you're not happy.

advbike

Some people need the support found in meetings in order to quit drinking. Other people can quit without AA, but don't ever really recover. In other words, they still live life with difficulty, filled sometimes with resentments, anger, regret, etc.

The program of AA, with the 12 steps, is really a program of spiritual recovery. It allows a person to let go of anger and resentments, forgive themselves and others, and generally live a more peaceful and joyous life.

Some folks don't need any program of recovery. Taking away the booze is enough for them to live a happy life. If you're one of these lucky folks, good for you. But if you're struggling, even without the booze, maybe a program of recovery will help. It's all up to you.

miamifella

I think the problem is that there are people who are in AA who never really recover. The steps help many but they are not a magic wand. The problem is that when people come in they cannot tell who is healthy and who is not.

Dee74

A reminder for those who may not know or have forgotten

Please do share your experience - but do try & avoid extrapolating that experience into general judgements. or making statements that others may perceive as being 'flaming'.

Respect is a two way street

Dee
Moderator
SR

sugarbear1

who is to say you would not feel this way if you weren't attending meetings?

why not attempt working those steps anyway?

no matter what, you are free to attend or not attend meetings. you can go to make sober friends or continue doing any other thing you wish. in my experience, untreated alcoholism always led me back to drinking/using and working those steps is a treatment for my alcoholism just as alcohol treated my alcoholism, but today, I choose to stay stopped. today, I know my motives for attending meetings and I don't make more than about 2 a week, if that. I always attend my home group meeting.

it's always a choice you have

with love and hugs,
~SB

countrygirl2014

I think there does need to be a plan or program to help teach you how to operate again. I go to AA once a week now, and hear all about how I'm not there all the time. I go to school all day and work nights...I am wiped out. A lot of the people in my group are retired...I think they forget that. I do 12 steps on my own and make phone calls when it gets tough. I use SR everyday. I still can't figure out how to quiet my head. It is worse after a meeting.

Jennifer

esinger

Do what works for you. Don't let outside pressure or fear influence decisions concerning your personal happiness and well being. There's more than one way to skin a cat.

tomsteve

Do you have a sponsor you brought this up with?
Bring it up at a meeting?
Do you honestly know what it is that we have?
Have you read the big book?
Work the steps?
You say you don't See anything overly amazing or magical about us.of course not! We're just a group of ex drunks that found a solution that works for us. The program didn't make us wizards,warlocks, or some sort of super amazing humans. Just humans being.


But it's a simple solution-
Stop going. We wish you the best and the door will always be open and you'll be welcomed.

Lance40

If AA is not helping your sobriety and is holding you back, then stop going. You shouldn't feel pressured into going or guilty if you stop. One thing that AA has taught me is that a person doesn't owe anyone an explanation for personal choices or changing one's mind.

The important things are that you are honest with yourself and that you have a plan in place. If you don't have both of those then relapse is likely. Sometimes it takes external support to ask the right questions for you to know if you are being honest with yourself. As far as a plan, stay committed to not drinking and try different things until you find something that resonates with you. SR is a great part of any plan, so stick close here.

sobermax

There is more than one way to skin a cat.

Have you looked at the secular connections section of SR?

AA wasn´t right for me (I wasn´t right for it???) and I ended up resenting meetings & the people - as if it was their fault! Took a while, but eventually I found a daily practice that worked for me.

I took loads from AA though, looking back. None of my time there was wasted.

Max

Hawks

I had a sunny disposition when drinking too.

A false one, but alcohol gave it to me nonetheless.

Early sobriety is depressing for a lot of folks.

Some people get off the booze and go "yeehaa, gee booze was weighing me down" and upwards they go.

Some people get off the booze and go "Oh crap, booze was all that was holding me up" And down they go.

It's one of the biggest disagreement issues between the self recovery bunch, who seem to flourish without alcohol and the program recovery bunch, who shrivel without it.

(and need a lot of help after quitting)

The flourishesrs think everyone should and can flourish And anyone who says different is weird

And the program recovery bunch look at the flourishers and think "geez, I wish that happened to me "

So, I guess you have to assess which type of person you are without alcohol and take appropriate measures.