deadlydame

Feeling terribly ashamed of what I've done and said during my active addiction. So much so that it makes me want to throw up. How did you guys dealt with the shame?

biminiblue

By accepting that I cannot change it.

The horse left the barn. The bell can't be un-rung.

By moving forward and not doing the same things. By apologizing and making amends when needed.

We all have done things of which we are not proud. When thoughts of them come up I say the Serenity Prayer over and over until the thoughts are gone.

ScottFromWI

^^^^

What Bimini said. Do you worry about what the weather was like 3 weeks ago? Of course not. Why? Because it is utterly beyond your control.

You do pay attention to what he weather is today though...if it rains you wear a coat and if it snows you wear boots.

Seems overly simplistic, but it's really a close analogy. You make up for the past by being true to yourself and your sobriety. People will notice and remeber the new you.

retiredusaf

Forgiving yourself is the first step.

Gardennerd

Someone had a good link to a TED talk about regret, anyone have that link?

The best thing you can do is go to meetings and show people through your actions you are changing. It seems to be working for me so far.

Notimetoloose

Shame can come from fear about how others viewed our behavior and we need to learn to deal and conquer it....or I can run the risk of drinking to escape from my shame....self destructive and agonizing shame and guilt.
I am an ex Catholic, I had shame and guilt bred into me via my family and the nuns when I was a kid...

I can feel shame and guilt for things I am not responsible for and have absolutely nothing to do with me....
....So when I mess up, can you imagine the beating I would give myself... A world of ridiculous self destruction and agonizing.... over what!!.... over messing up, I am human...allow me to be human.

Time helps a lot, also the fact that I am having a go and that counts heaps.