Why have I never shared this story?

Old 02-18-2015, 04:14 PM
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Why have I never shared this story?

I never post on this forum, I'm usually at F&F of Alcoholics posting over there. The other day I got to thinking about my life this time last year, and this time 2 years ago, and 5 years ago. And then it dawned on me that this time 6 years ago I was in love with a drug addict who later became addicted to heroin. I've never really shared this story, I guess because I'm over it. That seems funny for me to say because there was a point in time where I thought I would NEVER get over him or all the crap that happened.

In high school, he was a pretty popular guy. Not popular like he was star of the football team or anything but popular because everyone liked him. He was friends with everyone, teachers loved him, parents loved him and his smile could light up a room. And of course I became friends with him. Best of!

He started hanging out with a certain clique of people (read: snobby) and he spent every weekend drunk in a basement somewhere. But by this point I was in love with the guy and he was pretty fond of me too. But I didn't fit in with that scene so we would hang out on Sundays or after school, when the partying was over.

Then the selling of pills started. He just sold them.
Then he started smoking pot. Only sometimes.
Then he started taking pills. And losing an unhealthy amount of weight. And showing up with blood shot eyes. And sleeping around. And cheating on tests and homework. And lying to me. And stealing from friends.

And I actually believed it when he told me I WAS CRAZY, all of this was in my head. He had not changed at all, of course he hadn't. I did not know how to function. I cried at work, I cried at school, I cried in my car, I cried at the gym, I cried myself to sleep. I tried hating him, I tried loving him, I tried saving him.

I would see him off and on for 2 years after all this and each time I saw him it was traumatic. I would break down in tears or want to vomit. My concentration for the whole day would be shot, just after one glimpse of him. The only thing that helped me? He moved away! He moved away and somehow, I moved on slowly. I literally threw every ounce of myself into school.

Then, one day...in the middle of the night...I got a facebook message. OH FACEBOOK. I also had a new friend request. I didn't even have to look at it to tell you who it was. And there he was again, 5 years later and this time addicted to heroin. He didn't even tell me he was addicted to heroin, I just knew it. That's the eerie, intense connection we had. So even after all this time, I resumed my position as his cheerleader. The girl that was by his side and was never going to leave. After all, he made his amends and told me that I was NOT crazy. I couldn't have been happier! I felt like God was listening to me, he was giving me exactly what I wanted after all.

As you all guessed, it was good for a week before he disappeared on a run. He would be there one day, gone for months the next and there I was again, in this horrible awful pit.

The last time he came around, he actually was clean and sober and was getting his life together but I took a deep breath and walked away from him.

Today he is almost 2 years clean and sober. His smile still lights up the room! He's becoming the successful man I KNEW he always would be!

I can explain how bad it all felt but I no longer feel that way at all. Not one bit. Sometimes I miss him but I realize my part in his life is over, and vice versa. So for everyone who is still THAT person in the first part of my story...that person who doesn't see how life can get ANY BETTER, EVER -- just have faith that it will. You will end up exactly where you are supposed to. And you are never alone.
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Old 02-19-2015, 03:46 AM
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Ann
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I can explain how bad it all felt but I no longer feel that way at all. Not one bit. Sometimes I miss him but I realize my part in his life is over, and vice versa. So for everyone who is still THAT person in the first part of my story...that person who doesn't see how life can get ANY BETTER, EVER -- just have faith that it will. You will end up exactly where you are supposed to. And you are never alone.
Thank you for sharing that story and your survival as you move on and grow.

Life doesn't have to stay bad forever, and you are the living proof that time does heal and things do get better, once we let go of the obsession to save what is not ours to save.

Hugs
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Old 02-19-2015, 09:14 AM
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Thanks so much for sharing that. God Bless!!
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Old 02-21-2015, 07:36 PM
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Thank you for sharing, especially since you have moved on and are doing well.
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Old 02-22-2015, 11:47 AM
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I will admit he does creep into my thoughts every great once in awhile, mainly because of little things. I'll hear a song on the radio or run into people from high school or whatever. And I really am able to smile about it. I do not regret a single thing and I never thought I would be able to say that.
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