Butterfly

I don't know why I thought this I haven't seen him since early October, I deliberately don't go to the front door in the mornings when DS leaves for school in the morning, I use to but haven't since October as I couldn't cope with seeing him. So today he was collecting DS and I stood at the window for a minute or so then had to turn away, it hurt so much to see him.

Guess I won't be doing that again huh! But do you ever reach a point where you can see them and it's not heart breaking??

Timeiskey

Butterfly,

In the week before I moved out of my old place, I ran into my ex several times. In each of those moments, it was like my mind just went to pause and I had no emotional reaction that he could see. It was like I finally could see who he really was and it didn't impact me anymore...however, I have other triggers that have raised the emotions for me.
People keep telling me that after awhile, it won't bother me anymore. That I will be able to see him on the street and keep going without any backlash of emotion. I believe that is true, since I have loved before (not to this extent, but still) and I know it will happen for you as well. It just will take us more time. I have begun to take some comfort in accepting where I am right now. Instead of fighting my emotions, I am beginning to accept them. At least this stops that internal struggle over where I am and where I am trying to go. So, when he comes to mind, when I am reminded of my continued feelings for him, I just accept it instead of beating myself up for having the feelings. After all, if I am focused on kicking myself for having a heart, then I am not really putting myself in a place where I can mend my heart.

lillamy

Well, yes and no.
I would like to never have to see my ex again. Not because it would break my heart in an "I can't believe our marriage fell apart" kind of way -- THAT heartbreaking part, you do get over.

I don't know how I would handle seeing what he has become, though. That -- the change from the handsome, brilliant man I married to the grayish yellow-skinned old decrepit man he was the last time I saw him was tragic enough. I don't know that that heartbreak is something that can be healed.

Butterfly

Thanks, I think il just keep to not looking at him when he collects DS, it's annoying though as he parks directly in front of my house so if I go near the door or window he will see me and I him, why he can't park at the neighbours where I won't see him. So for now I will keep hiding until I feel stronger.

I've been thinking so much about him today not in the way of im missing him but remembering situations even after he left where I told him things to make him feel better even though I didn't believe it, I wanted to believe but I didn't, yet I told him what I thought would make him feel better and probably in hope he would come home.

I remember one day after he left he texted and asked me why I loved him, so I told him he replied with thanks I needed that he was then away and wouldn't reply to my texts. Another time I remember reassuring him about something else, after he left and the reply was thanks your the best, then he goes out drinking. I did this for years never being honest with him about how I felt because I was scared he would leave me or he just wouldn't acknowledge my feelings and turn it around or pretend to acknowledge but then never follow through.

He was great at making promises but he never followed through!!

I can't remember how many times I to,d him how safe and secure I felt with him hoping he would actually make me feel this way but never did, but I guess if he felt I was safe and secure with him why would he have to do anything else.

LemonGirl

I don't know how, but it does get easier. I hadn't seen my xabf since just after Christmas and we ended up seeing the same movie earlier this month. I have also seen him (planned) to exchange out belongings and we had a great conversation. Teary, but still good nonetheless. Anyway, I felt strong. The second time I saw him I was even stronger and only cried, literally, one minute after that conversation. For me, it's been relatively smooth.
BUT, on Saturday I ended up in the ER for some weird allergic reaction to some food I ate (never happened to me before), and the whole ordeal sent me into having the hardest time NOT reaching out to him. THAT experience triggered me! I kept thinking how much I needed him in that moment. I called a good friend instead. I told her, "Please talk me out of texting him..." I stayed strong. But that was my trigger.

I also have dreams, all the time! They started off with "missing him" type dreams, but now they are turning into me "taking control of my life" type dreams. I think it's reflecting my progress.

Anyway, this time line for me has happened soooooo much faster than I anticipated. I still love him dearly, and I still talk to him here and there, and I have been able to be alright. I don't know why. For you, it may just take longer. And that is okay. I did have an ex once where every single time he called or texted I would get anxious in my stomach. I had to visualize his powerlessness over me to get rid of that nonsense.