Small circle
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
Small circle
First I have to say most of my recovery experience has been in AA. I'm 53 and was nudged toward the program as early as '82. In '89 I went to treatment, checked out after 4 days as I did not have insurance and Knew that 28 days of insistence that lifetime AA attendance was my only chance did not require another 24 days (@ $500 per day) of vacation. I had a 3 and 1 yr. old to provide for. I was active and stayed sober 8 yrs. despite a lot of drama in the rooms (drunk sponsor, canoodling by most and even a shotgun brought in by a rather butch ex-psychiatrist who never got over her partner choosing another-her anger issues made me feel tame). I relapsed at the top of my game and stayed drunk 14 yrs, losing house, family, etc...
Got sober again in '10 (back in the rooms but now a non-theist) and stayed that way till mid '11 when some Karma came due in the form of a probation violation so I did the prudent thing and drank and made it worse. I got out of the clink last year, drank 7 months and found this site and many others in my quest to find out everything about alcoholism medically and just to connect with more rational, contemporary approaches/folks. SR is that place!
I was a week into tapering from a liter-a-day vodka obsession when I found RR and AVRT. A week later I was sober and have been active here since. I have tried to stay neutral and keep a foot in my home group and up until the last 2 meetings I've attended it seemed do-able. I've shared what I've been doing at home from my computer/living room and it is almost as if I'm an alien from another planet lately. I see folks about town and all but a few give me the "I hope you are doing alright and you can always come back when you are ready" spiel. Even saying hello to folks I've known for years is treated with suspicion since I don't do the 8am meeting I faithfully attended for 15 months. My original sponsor is now my best older friend and I'm sharing all my vaping knowledge to help him lay down the cigs (Oh, this IS going to happen!).
My point to all this is? My circle of friends has become smaller but realler. My goals require more community interaction and I'm still not sure how that is going to happen. I cringe when I hear "creator" or even HP in meetings and find no value in the reminiscing/romancing drunk-a-logs I've heard of late. I always more enjoyed the interaction outside of meetings doing regular stuff but can't hold my mouth right to convince these folks I'm one of them (I also cannot invest that much time anymore--I have 2 kids sick with the flu and a newish puppy to contend with right now). My home takes 25 hrs. a day to make.
That's really it. Mostly a rant. I would have liked to maybe tell people the "good news" of SR but maybe Their Turf is the wrong place. I suppose I will just keep on keeping on with my peeps and not sweat it. Thanks SR!
Got sober again in '10 (back in the rooms but now a non-theist) and stayed that way till mid '11 when some Karma came due in the form of a probation violation so I did the prudent thing and drank and made it worse. I got out of the clink last year, drank 7 months and found this site and many others in my quest to find out everything about alcoholism medically and just to connect with more rational, contemporary approaches/folks. SR is that place!
I was a week into tapering from a liter-a-day vodka obsession when I found RR and AVRT. A week later I was sober and have been active here since. I have tried to stay neutral and keep a foot in my home group and up until the last 2 meetings I've attended it seemed do-able. I've shared what I've been doing at home from my computer/living room and it is almost as if I'm an alien from another planet lately. I see folks about town and all but a few give me the "I hope you are doing alright and you can always come back when you are ready" spiel. Even saying hello to folks I've known for years is treated with suspicion since I don't do the 8am meeting I faithfully attended for 15 months. My original sponsor is now my best older friend and I'm sharing all my vaping knowledge to help him lay down the cigs (Oh, this IS going to happen!).
My point to all this is? My circle of friends has become smaller but realler. My goals require more community interaction and I'm still not sure how that is going to happen. I cringe when I hear "creator" or even HP in meetings and find no value in the reminiscing/romancing drunk-a-logs I've heard of late. I always more enjoyed the interaction outside of meetings doing regular stuff but can't hold my mouth right to convince these folks I'm one of them (I also cannot invest that much time anymore--I have 2 kids sick with the flu and a newish puppy to contend with right now). My home takes 25 hrs. a day to make.
That's really it. Mostly a rant. I would have liked to maybe tell people the "good news" of SR but maybe Their Turf is the wrong place. I suppose I will just keep on keeping on with my peeps and not sweat it. Thanks SR!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
Small Is Good
First, thanks for yet another good, thought-provoking Post.
I noted here the other week what I call 'The Politics Of Alcoholism'. I had no idea there was such a thing. But, after reading hundreds of Posts here, I'd be a Fool to not see what is the Case. Right here in front of me. I don't plan to go on about it. Jez sayin'...
I've changed my definition of 'Acceptable Social Situations' in Sobriety more than I've changed Persons, but I've still gotta be able to shed unhelpful Folks shackled in 'yesterday'. For example, I continue to avoid Dinner Parties where I'm the only non-Drinker. Those Scenarios are off in my future, perhaps. Right now, I can't be bothered with having to 'work' at Socializing.
For whatever their reason, it makes sense for you to have to shed The Unhelpful; just as you would former Drinking Pals. What sounds like the few who can rise above Methods-based thinking and celebrate/support your Sobriety are your true Sober Friends, right? Just like moving forward to another Job, sounds like you've moved on to what works for you now; not what worked yesterday. That's all a good thing! In my Life, I spend about zero time questioning such Progress.
Having to be 'a certain way', or stick with old Methods, to get along with old Recovery Pals strikes me as indistinguishable from having to continue imbibing to be around old Drinking Pals. Both situations are worth shedding, without regrets, if they don't help your Progress.
As my favorite Irish Surname goes: 'O'Well'!
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I noted here the other week what I call 'The Politics Of Alcoholism'. I had no idea there was such a thing. But, after reading hundreds of Posts here, I'd be a Fool to not see what is the Case. Right here in front of me. I don't plan to go on about it. Jez sayin'...
I've changed my definition of 'Acceptable Social Situations' in Sobriety more than I've changed Persons, but I've still gotta be able to shed unhelpful Folks shackled in 'yesterday'. For example, I continue to avoid Dinner Parties where I'm the only non-Drinker. Those Scenarios are off in my future, perhaps. Right now, I can't be bothered with having to 'work' at Socializing.
For whatever their reason, it makes sense for you to have to shed The Unhelpful; just as you would former Drinking Pals. What sounds like the few who can rise above Methods-based thinking and celebrate/support your Sobriety are your true Sober Friends, right? Just like moving forward to another Job, sounds like you've moved on to what works for you now; not what worked yesterday. That's all a good thing! In my Life, I spend about zero time questioning such Progress.
Having to be 'a certain way', or stick with old Methods, to get along with old Recovery Pals strikes me as indistinguishable from having to continue imbibing to be around old Drinking Pals. Both situations are worth shedding, without regrets, if they don't help your Progress.
As my favorite Irish Surname goes: 'O'Well'!
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Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by anattaboy 
... I was a week into tapering from a liter-a-day vodka obsession when I found RR and AVRT. A week later I was sober and have been active here since. I have tried to stay neutral and keep a foot in my home group and up until the last 2 meetings I've attended it seemed do-able. I've shared what I've been doing at home from my computer/living room and it is almost as if I'm an alien from another planet lately. I see folks about town and all but a few give me the "I hope you are doing alright and you can always come back when you are ready" spiel.
Some AA members (like people everywhere) can inadvertently be rude and/or worse deliberately try to make you feel ostracized from the group.
Truth to tell I have only a few close friends in AA and this is largely because outside of the program I have little in common with many members.
However, for the most part I've found AA members/groups to hold a live and let live philosophy. And I've always been able to find meetings to attend where I feel comfortable.
SR is great but I also like to attend meetings at least once a week. My wife sometimes asks why is that?
Why do I still need to go to meetings after all these years?
Well, given I wasn't smart enough to realize that maybe having a few drinks in the morning wasn't a particularly good idea. It might be smart to constantly remind myself of why I need stay away from that first drink
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