killerinstinct

I was at the doctor with my son who was sick today, by coincidence my ex husband was there in the waiting room. I pretended I didn't notice him... He looked so healthy and so normal.. This has completely messed with my head as I walked away I saw the man I married, the man of my dreams who I was deeply in love with ... He didn't look like a drunk at all. I am completely numb.. And confused.

LemonGirl

Awe..... sorry Killer. I imagine that a situation like that would mess with my head too.

But your relationship ended because.......? The reason is still valid, I'm sure. And if he IS better then that's a good thing. I mean, I told my ex that I just want him happy and healthy. If that means he moves on without me, I am busy preparing for that. And hopefully, I can get to being happy and healthy too.

freetosmile

Oh man-- that is a crappy feeling-- I'm sorry. That feeling makes you feel like YOU'VE lost. Like maybe you just should have waited and gave it time or something, right?

Well, no-- this isn't the case.

All is as it should be.

I don't know how and I don't know why- but it IS.

YOU have changed and *maybe* he has too...but making a judgment call by one look in the waiting room is pretty damn hard to tell.

Killer--- YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. I don't know if you want validation for that..but you did.

Looking back at the "man we loved" can be devastingly painful and gut wretching. Please go look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how much you love YOU tonight. Take a good long look, because he didn't get sober while he was with you, did he? God only knows if he is REALLY sober now..maybe he's just having a dry spell or something.

You made the right call when you did this. You put you and your kids first and that is what you HP wants you to do.

I know nothing I'm saying is taking away the pain...but just remember...he had EVERY opportunity to make these changes while with YOU and he didn't. HE LOST, *not* you.

I'll say it again because it bears repeating-- HE lost-- NOT you.

hugs girlie--- I'm praying you have comfort tonight. You deserve it.

suki44883

Looks can be deceiving. Most alcoholics are able to clean up and make themselves presentable when necessary. It doesn't change the history you had with him.

killerinstinct

It's the weirdest feeling it's like he's just somebody I use to know.. Like a stranger .. Just a stranger who caused me so much grief and ruined my life. .. I feel weird

freetosmile

Weird is ok, seriously. Weird is way better than the title of your thread which was devastated.

So you've gone from seeing him, recognizing him as someone you used to love and the man of your dreams and being devastated by this to recognizing him as a STRANGER who caused you grief and anguish.

Don't you see the progress you made from this event??

In just a few short hours?!!

Girl-- you are gonna make it!! Ok? You pulled yourself out of the funk and are now feeling "weird". I feel better about you feeling weird.

Do you remember when we started this journey? We were ALWAYS devestated and teetering *spelling* on the brink of insanity.

I don't think you are seeing the progress you JUST made.

HUGS

tomsteve

Change can happen to us drunks, but PLEASE remember these words of yours:

*

Today's been a huge struggle, feeling sorry for the EXA because I have put all of these boundaries in place as a result he hasn't seen his son in almost a year, we have all of these court proceedings in place and I am in police protection. He was awful to me mean horrible lied cheated abandoned me stole from me blamed me left me with a baby did nothing for our child at all.. Just moved right on to the next woman.. But I'm feeling sorry for him.. I'm so upset.. I feel guilty that he doesn't get to see his son I feel like a bad person however if I didn't put these boundaries in place he would have left my son and I both for dead... I wonder if he actually really cares about not seeing his son... To this day he will defend his drink and deny he has a problem with it.. I just don't know what to do anymore. My heart is broken

tomsteve

And many times I did it until the storm blew over.
Then back to the sickass SOB I was.

killerinstinct

I think I'm still in love with him.. I thought I got over him..I just started missing him all sudden. I'm so depressed

freetosmile

Yep--

I was going to type up this whole long deal on how- you're not and you just *think* you are...but then I thought "who the heck am I to say who you love or don't, for that matter?" So I stopped and made myself think back on times like this in MY life--

For sure...that feeling of loving and losing is God awful.

I still feel it from time to time when I look at AH now...but I'll admit, right now he's doing the hoover technique...so I feel more confident. But I know the minuet he rejects me or I finally say "NO!"...all those horrid feelings are going to come in like a flood.

Man- there isn't even anything to say in a time like this other than-- it will pass. You just gotta go with it for now and that is crappy to say but we all it's true. There is nothing else to do other than keep busy, keep doing for you, and allow the feelings to flow girlie.

I will be here WHENEVER you want to talk about how bad it sucks. Because I do know. Most of us do, here. So at least you have a safe, supportive place to vent.

OTOH-- you still did the right thing, ok? You may feel love...but you know in your heart you did the right thing. Please don't forget that.

killerinstinct

Having the most sorrowful moment in myife... drugs took my family, drugs destroyed my marriage... I'm so sad.. Drugs took my sons father and the love of my life my husband.. I don't know how I will ever be able to get over this realisation.. I want to vomit

redatlanta

Killer - just want to send you (((hugs))) I am sorry you saw him and are feeling the way you are. This too will pass I promise.

dandylion

Killer...everyone is telling you the truth...one of l ife's universal laws--IT WILL PASS, given time.

One time I DID vomit. I saw a guy, that I had that "love" feeling for. leave the building with the new one that he was dating...they got into a car together. I was sitting in my own car, at the time...ready to pull out of the parking lot...I had to open the car door and lean out and puke on to the concrete.
Fast forward.....later in life, I wouldn't bother to tip my hat at him if I passed him on the street!

dandylion

redatlanta

My same experience Dandy with past relationships. Killer I do associate with the strange feeling of 'someone you used to know". Its a very odd feeling to see someone you were once very intimate with and they might as well be a stranger sitting on a park bench. There is relief once the initial shock of it wears off. I hope you feel that soon.

aasharon90

After reading what you wrote about
your EX and there he was in the waiting
room while you were their with your son.

A red flag went up wondering why he
would be there. That is soooo strange
that he would be there the same exact
time as you were.

I hope he wasn't stalking you???

Stay strong.

lillamy

Reframe.

You could choose to see it like this: "The man I married made choices that made it impossible for me to remain married to him. He was a good man who turned into an impossible person to be around. Now that I know what addiction does to people, I will focus on identifying and working to remove unhealthy coping mechanisms that his drinking caused in my life, and raise my son to be a healthy, loving, good individual. I will find joy and love again, and life still has everything to offer me."

AnvilheadII

this doctor's office must be a popular place....in december you said that is where you saw his gf...........

killerinstinct

I've a restraining order on him.. He had to stay a certain distance away.. It is weird that he was there.. Maybe a coincidence maybe he saw us walk in there .. It is odd considering he doesn't live anywhere near there from what I remember. I saw move closer to us all of a sudden and almost sat behind us... Then from the corner of my eye I saw him get up and walk out of the room when my son started screaming like crazy because he was sick..

hopeful4

Ugh. Remember just why you have that restraining order KI. Just because he can look normal for the doctor does not make it so. As someone else said, looks can be deceiving. I hope you son feels better, and that you do too!

XXX

SadInTX

wow lillamy...what you wrote...thank you...I wrote it down for myself to look at...
killerinstinct: so sorry you had to go through that... just remember all the bad things he put you through... maybe you should change doctors so you don't have that chance of running into him again...hugs