Am I expecting too much?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Fresno
Posts: 106
Am I expecting too much?
At some point I have to stop thinking the very act of not drinking in of itself is simply not enough. I expect too much.
I expect that by not drinking I am going to have an endless and continual "improvement" of feeling good, better and better, a new high? This is not reasonable and simply the passage of time is not all encompassing.
Yes, at first, for many, the simple act of quitting is leaps and bounds a daily improvement! But that is because I was gutter like, wreckage, pure hell so any amount of "normalcy" was spectacular- anything was better. What was screwed up is that most people "idle" at what i think is "bees knees" and that is OK. Baby steps..
But after awhile, the act of drinking is no longer enough for me. The high we feel of everything "clicking" and feeling wonderful will too run out as you begin to "adapt" to this new life, just as we did as drinkers, it's relative.
So, I am expecting to much. We eventually level out and press on to new experiences. It is these new experience in life that offer new feelings good and bad we learn to handle without drink we truly change! before i was oblivious to the ebb and flow, too sick. This is life..this is the magic!
This phenomenon is where i feel MANY go back because the incentive of increased feel goods subside by idling and a lull sets in....this is where the work they speak of comes in. The evolution of us changing things and doing things new and continuous. So I must embrace feeling OK, and create this normal life. It has so much less drama..its strange and I love it.
Are you expecting too much? Be careful..
I expect that by not drinking I am going to have an endless and continual "improvement" of feeling good, better and better, a new high? This is not reasonable and simply the passage of time is not all encompassing.
Yes, at first, for many, the simple act of quitting is leaps and bounds a daily improvement! But that is because I was gutter like, wreckage, pure hell so any amount of "normalcy" was spectacular- anything was better. What was screwed up is that most people "idle" at what i think is "bees knees" and that is OK. Baby steps..
But after awhile, the act of drinking is no longer enough for me. The high we feel of everything "clicking" and feeling wonderful will too run out as you begin to "adapt" to this new life, just as we did as drinkers, it's relative.
So, I am expecting to much. We eventually level out and press on to new experiences. It is these new experience in life that offer new feelings good and bad we learn to handle without drink we truly change! before i was oblivious to the ebb and flow, too sick. This is life..this is the magic!
This phenomenon is where i feel MANY go back because the incentive of increased feel goods subside by idling and a lull sets in....this is where the work they speak of comes in. The evolution of us changing things and doing things new and continuous. So I must embrace feeling OK, and create this normal life. It has so much less drama..its strange and I love it.
Are you expecting too much? Be careful..
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Totally get where you are coming from.
The expectations that I place on myself need to be carefully and honestly managed.
It does bring people undone.
Seen it happen plenty of times.
The idea that getting off the booze will rocket us into a stellar state of everlasting joy, with high achieving and amazing jobs etc, can set us up for a big fall.
Great post, and good reminder, thanks
The expectations that I place on myself need to be carefully and honestly managed.
It does bring people undone.
Seen it happen plenty of times.
The idea that getting off the booze will rocket us into a stellar state of everlasting joy, with high achieving and amazing jobs etc, can set us up for a big fall.
Great post, and good reminder, thanks
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
For me, it was so much more than just setting down the bottle but I didn't know that in the beginning. I know it now but that does not make it easier.
I have good days and bad days, I just know that drinking will not make it better and struggling through the tough times is just life.
Living in the moment of both of those times is how I get through. I stopped looking to far ahead and looking behind is only to see how far I have come and to help others.
Keep on, keeping on!
I have good days and bad days, I just know that drinking will not make it better and struggling through the tough times is just life.
Living in the moment of both of those times is how I get through. I stopped looking to far ahead and looking behind is only to see how far I have come and to help others.
Keep on, keeping on!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Some people here put down the bottle and simply went on to live their lives
I wasn't that lucky - I had a lot of issues I needed to work through before I was happy.
I assumed stopping drinking would solve everything - but happily I realised that was not the case for me, before I drank again
What sobriety did give me (after the initial up and down phase) was a clear perspective and a level constancy of emotion with which to tackle some of those long held 'issues' I had....
D
I wasn't that lucky - I had a lot of issues I needed to work through before I was happy.
I assumed stopping drinking would solve everything - but happily I realised that was not the case for me, before I drank again
What sobriety did give me (after the initial up and down phase) was a clear perspective and a level constancy of emotion with which to tackle some of those long held 'issues' I had....
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Some people here put down the bottle and simply went on to live their lives
I wasn't that lucky - I had a lot of issues I needed to work through before I was happy.
I assumed stopping drinking would solve everything - but happily I realised that was not the case for me, before I drank again
What sobriety did give me (after the initial up and down phase) was a clear perspective and a level constancy of emotion with which to tackle some of those long held 'issues' I had....
D
I wasn't that lucky - I had a lot of issues I needed to work through before I was happy.
I assumed stopping drinking would solve everything - but happily I realised that was not the case for me, before I drank again
What sobriety did give me (after the initial up and down phase) was a clear perspective and a level constancy of emotion with which to tackle some of those long held 'issues' I had....
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
These AA promises were like a pie in the sky until we worked the program and so many proved true.
Promises
1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed
before we are half way through.
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience
can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for
Ourselves
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us -
sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Alcoholics Anonymous p83-84
Reprinted from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous with permission of A.A. World
Services, Inc.
BE WELL
Promises
1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed
before we are half way through.
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience
can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for
Ourselves
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us -
sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Alcoholics Anonymous p83-84
Reprinted from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous with permission of A.A. World
Services, Inc.
BE WELL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Fresno
Posts: 106
Originally Posted by IOAA2
These AA promises were like a pie in the sky until we worked the program and so many proved true.
Promises
1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed
before we are half way through.
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience
can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for
Ourselves
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us -
sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Alcoholics Anonymous p83-84
Reprinted from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous with permission of A.A. World
Services, Inc.
BE WELL
Promises
1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed
before we are half way through.
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience
can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for
Ourselves
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us -
sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Alcoholics Anonymous p83-84
Reprinted from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous with permission of A.A. World
Services, Inc.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Boston, Mass
Posts: 1,004
For me the novelty has certainly worn off. Waking up not hungover has become routine. Feels like I'm in a holding pattern. Holding for what, I don't know. To feel better? I feel fine.
I'm just over a month sober and I know that my body and mind are still trying to correct years of mistreatment. But the honeymoon period of seeing quick positive change is over.
Anyway...dunno.
I'm just over a month sober and I know that my body and mind are still trying to correct years of mistreatment. But the honeymoon period of seeing quick positive change is over.
Anyway...dunno.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Fresno
Posts: 106
Originally Posted by SDH73
For me the novelty has certainly worn off. Waking up not hungover has become routine. Feels like I'm in a holding pattern. Holding for what, I don't know. To feel better? I feel fine.
I'm just over a month sober and I know that my body and mind are still trying to correct years of mistreatment. But the honeymoon period of seeing quick positive change is over.
Anyway...dunno.
I'm just over a month sober and I know that my body and mind are still trying to correct years of mistreatment. But the honeymoon period of seeing quick positive change is over.
Anyway...dunno.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
I was so worn down and hanging on by a string at the end I think I had forgotten what expectations were. When you're drunk every night and hungover everyday like I was you're setting the bar very low. You expect life to dish you out a huge load of crap and it does when we're still drinking.
I guess I did expect to feel like a million bucks when I stopped. Or after a month, for sure. I was a textbook case of PAWS where at three months I'd wake up and think "Why do I feel hungover?" What the heck?
I knew it would only get better in sobriety because it could not have gotten any worse if I continued to drinking (other than death that is).
I guess I did expect to feel like a million bucks when I stopped. Or after a month, for sure. I was a textbook case of PAWS where at three months I'd wake up and think "Why do I feel hungover?" What the heck?
I knew it would only get better in sobriety because it could not have gotten any worse if I continued to drinking (other than death that is).
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Boston, Mass
Posts: 1,004
I'm not too much of a "stresser". My sobriety date just happened to coincide with the snowiest month here in recent memory, so I haven't been able to get out and do much. I want to get out and do things that I didn't do when I was drinking, but I'm constantly being snowed in. It's starting to make life feel really humdrum.
I'm holding out hope that when the weather here improves life will be a little more fun. I like to read, watch tv, workout, cook, etc. But that's just about all I've been doing for the last month. I really want to get out and have some experiences, ya know?
Sorry for the rant. Don't wanna high-jack the thread, just needed to vent.
I'm holding out hope that when the weather here improves life will be a little more fun. I like to read, watch tv, workout, cook, etc. But that's just about all I've been doing for the last month. I really want to get out and have some experiences, ya know?
Sorry for the rant. Don't wanna high-jack the thread, just needed to vent.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Fresno
Posts: 106
Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers
I was so worn down and hanging on by a string at the end I think I had forgotten what expectations were. When you're drunk every night and hungover everyday like I was you're not setting the bar very low. You expect life to dish you out a huge load of crap and it does when we're still drinking.
I guess I did expect to feel like a million bucks when I stopped. Or after a month, for sure. I was a textbook case of PAWS where at three months I'd wake up and think "Why do I feel hungover?" What the heck?
I knew it would only get better in sobriety because it could not have gotten any worse if I continued to drinking (other than death that is).
I guess I did expect to feel like a million bucks when I stopped. Or after a month, for sure. I was a textbook case of PAWS where at three months I'd wake up and think "Why do I feel hungover?" What the heck?
I knew it would only get better in sobriety because it could not have gotten any worse if I continued to drinking (other than death that is).
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Originally Posted by itstheone
I cant emphasis enough of challenging oneself to new adventures..that's the cats pajamas!
Now my expectations are high.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by MythOfSisyphus
In the beginning just not drinking is enough. But eventually you move beyond just not dying and are ready to begin living. I think that's when the real sobriety dividend begins to pay off.
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