View Poll Results: Why do we put up it?
Scared
2
11.76%
Confused
7
41.18%
Quilty
1
5.88%
Stupid
7
41.18%
Voters: 17. You may not vote on this poll
when is enough enough?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Tinley Park, Il
Posts: 5
when is enough enough?
This is my first time here and hoping to find some help. I don't know what else to do. I feel so sad and alone. Well, this is my story.
My husband and I have been married for 10 years as of this month and we have 1 daughter. My husband is an alcoholic and addicted to crack. He's pretty much drank ever since we met, which was 14 years ago but it never caused to many problems. It's started becoming a problem when he would go to the bars after work, he worked 2nd shift. Someone offered him some crack and it's been down hill ever since. That was 2 1/2 years ago.
It started when he got busted buying. Lost his new truck and spent two years on probation. He was on and off the wagon for 7 months. He then lost his job, his mother passed away a month later, and then 6 months later his dad went in the hospital and is still in a hospital. He was in a depression and didn't work for a year. He lets everything bother him and uses all those reasons as his excuse. He works now, but lucky if I ever see his check. He promises me i'll get it and i go and pay bills and low and behold checks are bouncing left and right.
This man has put me through hell and yet he keeps expecting me to be patient and understanding. He says he's sorry and that he loves me very much and that he's not doing this to hurt me. He feeds me all these good thoughts and hopes for the future only to keep throwing it all away. He picks me up enough to feel a little better when he's not using, then only to slam me back down again.
It always seems to be about him and all his problems. I've tried to help him but he doesn't listen. I can not hold his hand 24/7. I have tried to leave a few times, but he plays these mind games on me. He OD on pills and I had him involuntarily committed at a state facility, which was for only 1 week and which they did nothing for him. He was out for 3 days and pawned his wedding ring and got his fix. I have left a few times, only to return out of guilt I guess. When I have left he has burned, smashed, shredded and destroyed alot of my personal belongings.
I feel like I am losing my mind. Why does he make me feel like I'm wrong. How dare I leave him when he's been knocked down. Why don't I be more comforting and understanding of all his issues? Why can't I be more perceptive to know that something is bothering him? I'm just like everyone else and just want to take the easy way out and turn my back. Well what the hell is he doing? Is he not taking the easy way out?
How can I be married to a man that I can not trust or count on for anything? He irritates me and disgusts me. He has lied to me, stole from me, giving me one broken promise after another. He has drained us financially and are in the process of filing bankruptcy. He has knocked me down emotionally to the point that I am depressed and feeling hopeless. I fing it difficult to care about anything. I have a job that is hard to function at and a daughter that I can hardly deal with. She is only 7 and doesn't understand alot.
I feel alone because even my family is getting tired of hearing about it. So I don't tell them anything anymore. They will just say they told me so. I am so unhappy and I know what I want, just scared and confused. I want my life back and I want to be the mother I should be for my daughter.
My husband and I have been married for 10 years as of this month and we have 1 daughter. My husband is an alcoholic and addicted to crack. He's pretty much drank ever since we met, which was 14 years ago but it never caused to many problems. It's started becoming a problem when he would go to the bars after work, he worked 2nd shift. Someone offered him some crack and it's been down hill ever since. That was 2 1/2 years ago.
It started when he got busted buying. Lost his new truck and spent two years on probation. He was on and off the wagon for 7 months. He then lost his job, his mother passed away a month later, and then 6 months later his dad went in the hospital and is still in a hospital. He was in a depression and didn't work for a year. He lets everything bother him and uses all those reasons as his excuse. He works now, but lucky if I ever see his check. He promises me i'll get it and i go and pay bills and low and behold checks are bouncing left and right.
This man has put me through hell and yet he keeps expecting me to be patient and understanding. He says he's sorry and that he loves me very much and that he's not doing this to hurt me. He feeds me all these good thoughts and hopes for the future only to keep throwing it all away. He picks me up enough to feel a little better when he's not using, then only to slam me back down again.
It always seems to be about him and all his problems. I've tried to help him but he doesn't listen. I can not hold his hand 24/7. I have tried to leave a few times, but he plays these mind games on me. He OD on pills and I had him involuntarily committed at a state facility, which was for only 1 week and which they did nothing for him. He was out for 3 days and pawned his wedding ring and got his fix. I have left a few times, only to return out of guilt I guess. When I have left he has burned, smashed, shredded and destroyed alot of my personal belongings. I feel like I am losing my mind. Why does he make me feel like I'm wrong. How dare I leave him when he's been knocked down. Why don't I be more comforting and understanding of all his issues? Why can't I be more perceptive to know that something is bothering him? I'm just like everyone else and just want to take the easy way out and turn my back. Well what the hell is he doing? Is he not taking the easy way out?
How can I be married to a man that I can not trust or count on for anything? He irritates me and disgusts me. He has lied to me, stole from me, giving me one broken promise after another. He has drained us financially and are in the process of filing bankruptcy. He has knocked me down emotionally to the point that I am depressed and feeling hopeless. I fing it difficult to care about anything. I have a job that is hard to function at and a daughter that I can hardly deal with. She is only 7 and doesn't understand alot.
I feel alone because even my family is getting tired of hearing about it. So I don't tell them anything anymore. They will just say they told me so. I am so unhappy and I know what I want, just scared and confused. I want my life back and I want to be the mother I should be for my daughter.
Guest
Posts: n/a
I am sorry you are going through all of this ........I just want to welcome you to SR and tell you that you are in the right place.....alot of us here are where you are at...this is a great place to vent........there are alot of nice people here. I have learned so much.........by reading books and the power posts and reading other posts.......I feel like I have a home here.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Tinley Park, Il
Posts: 5
Thanks for your reply and support. I just read "Addiction, Lies and Relationships" and it really opened my eyes alot and it was very powerful. I hope to find some hope and new friends. It's nice to be able to talk to people that know exactly what you're going through. Family can only help so much. They don't fully understand as they are not the ones living with the A.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
this forum is a great place to land in! i know many of us feel/felt as frustrated as you do right now. only you can decide when enough is enough - many have checked out al-anon, including myself. i am pretty new to the program but i have picked up some tools which are working for me even this early on and i haven't touched the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. you may want to see if you can find a meeting in your area.
come back to this board and share good and bad, we are all here to support each other!
hugs - cwohio
come back to this board and share good and bad, we are all here to support each other!
hugs - cwohio
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
You are being manipulated, you are not the one taking the easy way out, he is.
He's going to try everything to get you to stay, suicide is the lowest of the low.
Can you get to some Alanon meetings?
Ngaire
He's going to try everything to get you to stay, suicide is the lowest of the low.
Can you get to some Alanon meetings?
Ngaire
Paused
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 7
Been there
Glad to know I am not the only new one ... I've been through a lot of what you talked abou tand i can tell you ... you're better off taking your daughter and going it alone. That's the problem with my current situation -- there's no abuse, but I see the disease for what it is. I see the potential for everything you mentioned, and i don't want to go there again. I hope you find everything you need, and that you don't wait to long to find it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Troy, MI
Posts: 29
Reading your post hit home because you could be talking about my life. Married 12 years, one child, husband doesn't work, chronic alcoholic with a drug addiction, etc., etc., etc. I also want to leave my husband because I've had enough and want to give my son a "normal" life but my AH pulls the same thing on me. "How could I leave him when he has a problem?" "Don't the marriage vows mean anything to me?" I could go on and on. I've started seeing a therapist and realize now that my husband is just trying to manipulate me and threaten me into staying in a very sick marriage. Therapy has helped me see this marriage for what it is. I've made so much progress and while I'm not quite there, I'm almost ready to leave. I just know it's a matter of time and when it happens there will be no looking back. I hope you can gain the courage and strength you need as well.
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Welcome Jessicam and redhalo,
Reaching out is the first step to getting help. Finding out there are lots of people going through the same situations is comforting. We don't have to go through this alone. Another thing that we find is that people have found serenity and peace amidst the turmoil of addiction. There are many things that you can do to feel better: Coming here and finding an Al-Anon meeting in your area are two very big things that can help. You can find a meeting in your area by going to http://www.al-anon-alateen.org/ and click on "find a meeting." Follow the links to local websites which will have meeting schedules. Glad you joined us. Hope you stay a while and share our recovery. Hugs, Magic
Reaching out is the first step to getting help. Finding out there are lots of people going through the same situations is comforting. We don't have to go through this alone. Another thing that we find is that people have found serenity and peace amidst the turmoil of addiction. There are many things that you can do to feel better: Coming here and finding an Al-Anon meeting in your area are two very big things that can help. You can find a meeting in your area by going to http://www.al-anon-alateen.org/ and click on "find a meeting." Follow the links to local websites which will have meeting schedules. Glad you joined us. Hope you stay a while and share our recovery. Hugs, Magic
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