small proud moments
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 774
small proud moments
So it's been a little over a month since I officially broke up with my xabf. He said something about wanting to get sober... He is having "sober" dreams, and I always seem to be in them. I've managed to do really well with my distance. I never went NC, and it's all pretty good. I've be working out again, lost about 6 pounds, decided not to drink for myself and have been fine with that(D13.. no biggie), and even my dreams are starting to reflect where I am at and where I am going.
Yesterday he texts me. Now, I can always tell when he has been drinking, even in his texts, because there is a slight agitation to what he says, the misspelled words are numerous, and when I respond, he often misunderstands what I am saying. So I called him up. Part of me just wanted to clarify and part of me just wanted to confirm that he was drunk. We are supposed to meet up tomorrow to finally exchange all of our belongings and... to talk. Which is fine.
Anyway, shortly after being on the phone with him, he says he wants to call me back because he was getting another call. I said... "Oh, okay..." He texts me 30 minutes later about getting in the shower. I said, "You're not going to call me back?" He says he will after the shower and that he loves me..."
Umm.... we don't say that, normally. I KNOW he was drinking. And boy, he knew I knew. He never called back. He was drinking and thinking about us and his words started spilling out of his mouth and he realized he couldn't help it so he never called back.
So, I just put my phone on silent. Today I am spending the day with my daughters and our good family friend and her daughter at the beach. In a little bit I'm going to go help my 8 year old make chocolate chip waffles for everyone for Vday. She is such a sweetie. I kept thinking that in the past, I would have been upset at him not calling back and I would have reached out to him to see "what happened". But now, I just feel like, "well... he's drunk. He can go have at it. And I'm just gonna keep going on doing my thing." I felt proud of myself. Sad for him, but you know... If he isn't ready, he isn't ready. And no amount of lying to me or trying to hide it is going to get me back. Poor thing... He wants us so desperately to work out, but he is still walking around with that demon monkey on his back.
Anyway, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE!!! No tears... just love where it belongs ;-)
Yesterday he texts me. Now, I can always tell when he has been drinking, even in his texts, because there is a slight agitation to what he says, the misspelled words are numerous, and when I respond, he often misunderstands what I am saying. So I called him up. Part of me just wanted to clarify and part of me just wanted to confirm that he was drunk. We are supposed to meet up tomorrow to finally exchange all of our belongings and... to talk. Which is fine.
Anyway, shortly after being on the phone with him, he says he wants to call me back because he was getting another call. I said... "Oh, okay..." He texts me 30 minutes later about getting in the shower. I said, "You're not going to call me back?" He says he will after the shower and that he loves me..."
Umm.... we don't say that, normally. I KNOW he was drinking. And boy, he knew I knew. He never called back. He was drinking and thinking about us and his words started spilling out of his mouth and he realized he couldn't help it so he never called back.
So, I just put my phone on silent. Today I am spending the day with my daughters and our good family friend and her daughter at the beach. In a little bit I'm going to go help my 8 year old make chocolate chip waffles for everyone for Vday. She is such a sweetie. I kept thinking that in the past, I would have been upset at him not calling back and I would have reached out to him to see "what happened". But now, I just feel like, "well... he's drunk. He can go have at it. And I'm just gonna keep going on doing my thing." I felt proud of myself. Sad for him, but you know... If he isn't ready, he isn't ready. And no amount of lying to me or trying to hide it is going to get me back. Poor thing... He wants us so desperately to work out, but he is still walking around with that demon monkey on his back.
Anyway, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE!!! No tears... just love where it belongs ;-)
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Good for YOU, LemonGirl! You saved yourself a lot of emotional upset by not putting him on the spot to confirm what you already know.
Enjoy the day with the kiddos--they're lucky to have a mom who is there for THEM instead of chasing after the alcoholic.
Enjoy the day with the kiddos--they're lucky to have a mom who is there for THEM instead of chasing after the alcoholic.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 970
"Enjoy the day with the kiddos--they're lucky to have a mom who is there for THEM instead of chasing after the alcoholic."
I second that !!! You're doing the right thing for yourself and becoming a better role-model for your children - you should be proud of yourself !
I second that !!! You're doing the right thing for yourself and becoming a better role-model for your children - you should be proud of yourself !
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 774
Oh thanx guys! I have to tell you that the day turned totally awry... so far. I ended up having a weird allergic reaction to the waffle mix. My throat got all swollen, I couldn't stop sneezing, and it was harder and harder to breathe. So I took some Benadryl and called urgent care and they had me rush to the ER as long as I was still capable. About 45 minutes later, I am fine, and the Benadryl kicked in. Now I'm just super sleepy and my tummy hurts.
But while I'm there I was thinking about some of our members and how stressful everything can get. And I wanted to sooooooooo badly call him. I kept thinking how he could have watched the kids for me and taken my oldest to her bday party so she wouldn't miss it. And how I wouldn't have felt so alone. So I texted my best friend and asked her to pep talk me out of calling him.
I made it through okay without feeling like I needed him. I think what is happening is something I mentioned as a comment to another one of our dear posters. I told her to make sure she has a good support network for when things like this happen; not to isolate herself and be unable to reach out for help, so that she didn't have to face all of the stress alone. So... taking my own advice. I decided NOT to call him, and instead, if I had needed it, I would have called a friend.
I ended up not needing that friend either and am feeling fine. But boy, THAT triggered me! Amazing how we all have different things that trigger us and bring us right back to the struggle.
But while I'm there I was thinking about some of our members and how stressful everything can get. And I wanted to sooooooooo badly call him. I kept thinking how he could have watched the kids for me and taken my oldest to her bday party so she wouldn't miss it. And how I wouldn't have felt so alone. So I texted my best friend and asked her to pep talk me out of calling him.
I made it through okay without feeling like I needed him. I think what is happening is something I mentioned as a comment to another one of our dear posters. I told her to make sure she has a good support network for when things like this happen; not to isolate herself and be unable to reach out for help, so that she didn't have to face all of the stress alone. So... taking my own advice. I decided NOT to call him, and instead, if I had needed it, I would have called a friend.
I ended up not needing that friend either and am feeling fine. But boy, THAT triggered me! Amazing how we all have different things that trigger us and bring us right back to the struggle.
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
Posts: 123
Flowers
Originally Posted by LemonGirl 
Came home to find some beautiful flowers and a card from him.
Ugh....
But I think maybe he is feeling worse than I am for Vday.
Ugh....
But I think maybe he is feeling worse than I am for Vday.
I am also a mom and really took to heart the words of the other member to be a mom I instead of chasing the alcoholic. .
This makes none of it easy, I am miserable without him most days and do forced contrary action. ...
support a day energy to you
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