getright15

I've had some long stretches without drinking and not even thinking about drinking. Then comes the start but can't stop because I like the feeling I have while drinking. Then comes the few days on a bender drinking day and night, and then I stop again for days..weeks even at the drop of a hat. I read in another person's thread how they felt like a horrible person. Well I can HONESTLY say I sure as hell do for the things I've done while going on a bender. The things we can't take back or regain.

I've written on here off and on for the last year or so and sometimes I feel like throwing in the towel meaning f it just drink cause I want to. Other times I think to myself I really would like to just stop or try the you know...oh I can have a few and be fine method. Nothing seems to work. Not to knock anyone about beliefs, but I grew up in the church and in my adulthood have no more faith in anything really. I say that because I've done AA before (court ordered) years ago and it really wasn't for me. I'm on here ranting since well I guess I'm thinking about quitting again. Then here comes the "but" I don't really know if I could give this up for life. My last drink was Saturday the 7th. Every time the weekend comes around here comes the "party" mindset.

Like I said sometimes I just don't even know anymore....

Nonsensical

Seems to me like you know.

ScottFromWI

This is simply my personal opinion, but to me it sounds like you still haven't accepted that you are an alcoholic. You wouldn't be the first, and definitely won't be the last. I was in the same situation myself for quite some time.

I always held out hope that I'd be able to "fix" my problem by being sober just for a while, or coming up with some sort of "moderation" plan. And truthfully, I could stop for a short while, or cut back for a while, but the writing was really on the wall the whole time. I ALWAYS returned to everyday drinking, and drinking a lot. If you re-read your post, you'll see that the same thing is happening for you - you have a baseline of "start drinking but can't stop' that you eventually end up in.

It's a battle you'll never win - unless you fully accept your problem for what it is. That might mean AA, but might not too. It will mean being uncomfortable for a while and doing some things you are not comfortable with, but as time progresses things get much better.

Mcribb

Everyone says AA or other treatment programs is not for them. Then they get another DUI, embarrass themselves one more time, or lose a job. Suddenly AA or Treatment is looking AWFUL good LOL.

doggonecarl

...even the faith that you can get sober, it seems. If you have no other faith, you need to believe you can get sober. Comes right after the belief (and acceptance) that you can't drink any more. Ever!

You aren't there yet.

PurpleKnight

Alcohol is doing you no favours, why keep something in your life that is creating soo much misery?!!

For me parting ways with alcohol was the best decision I ever made, regardless of the benefits my own addicted mind tried to convince me about alcohol!!