Not Acknowledging.........
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I am not quite sure what you are asking here, but my exAbf and Alcoholic mother would both ignore my expressed concerns, my feelings- heck, even my safety when it came to their drinking. They don't acknowledge it, because the alcohol is the primary motivating factor and consideration of your feelings would interfere with that primary relationship. They can't help it. They haven't truly acknowledged that their drinking is a problem that must be dealt with. If you are looking for a term, I am not sure, but dismissal sounds about right.
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that could be a long list. Intent would make a difference I would think. A colorful list depending on how gracious one wanted to be or not be. 
If I'm thinking of just a word disavow seems opposite of acknowledge. I never use that word in real life though - only in crossword puzzles!
If I'm thinking of just a word disavow seems opposite of acknowledge. I never use that word in real life though - only in crossword puzzles!
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Even when they aren't drinking it's still all about them and their neediness.
This explains it all............
This explains it all............
Originally Posted by Timeiskey 
I am not quite sure what you are asking here, but my exAbf and Alcoholic mother would both ignore my expressed concerns, my feelings- heck, even my safety when it came to their drinking. They don't acknowledge it, because the alcohol is the primary motivating factor and consideration of your feelings would interfere with that primary relationship. They can't help it. They haven't truly acknowledged that their drinking is a problem that must be dealt with. If you are looking for a term, I am not sure, but dismissal sounds about right.
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definitely need more context....i mean i can tell the idiot driver ahead of me EXACTLY how i feel, but something gets lost between the yelling and the hand gestures.......
when i share with someone close how i feel....perhaps like: When you shush me because they are saying something about the Packers on Sportscenter, I FEEL dismissed and irrelevant....i usually have SOME level of expectation of SOME type of feedback or at least a nod of the head while making direct eye contact.
however....the other party is NOT required to do ANYTHING. they are free to take in the information and supply as much or as little feedback as possible. and if you are trying this with and afflicted individual, someone three sheets to the wind, or you basic JACKASS, it's best to keep those expectations LOW.
when i share with someone close how i feel....perhaps like: When you shush me because they are saying something about the Packers on Sportscenter, I FEEL dismissed and irrelevant....i usually have SOME level of expectation of SOME type of feedback or at least a nod of the head while making direct eye contact.
however....the other party is NOT required to do ANYTHING. they are free to take in the information and supply as much or as little feedback as possible. and if you are trying this with and afflicted individual, someone three sheets to the wind, or you basic JACKASS, it's best to keep those expectations LOW.
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Sometimes the only option left is accepting another person for exactly who they are, and making your decisions accordingly. You can either live with it or you can't. But waiting for them to change isn't usually a good investment.
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Not someone 3 sheets to the wind, just a dry drunk.
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
definitely need more context....i mean i can tell the idiot driver ahead of me EXACTLY how i feel, but something gets lost between the yelling and the hand gestures.......
when i share with someone close how i feel....perhaps like: When you shush me because they are saying something about the Packers on Sportscenter, I FEEL dismissed and irrelevant....i usually have SOME level of expectation of SOME type of feedback or at least a nod of the head while making direct eye contact.
however....the other party is NOT required to do ANYTHING. they are free to take in the information and supply as much or as little feedback as possible. and if you are trying this with and afflicted individual, someone three sheets to the wind, or you basic JACKASS, it's best to keep those expectations LOW.
when i share with someone close how i feel....perhaps like: When you shush me because they are saying something about the Packers on Sportscenter, I FEEL dismissed and irrelevant....i usually have SOME level of expectation of SOME type of feedback or at least a nod of the head while making direct eye contact.
however....the other party is NOT required to do ANYTHING. they are free to take in the information and supply as much or as little feedback as possible. and if you are trying this with and afflicted individual, someone three sheets to the wind, or you basic JACKASS, it's best to keep those expectations LOW.
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No, no it isn't.
Originally Posted by SparkleKitty
Sometimes the only option left is accepting another person for exactly who they are, and making your decisions accordingly. You can either live with it or you can't. But waiting for them to change isn't usually a good investment.
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Originally Posted by Earthworm
What is it when you tell someone who you feel and they don't acknowledge it?
But if the someone in question is an alcoholic, you shouldn't be surprised.
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Originally Posted by Earthworm
Not an active alcoholic, an R.A.
Is he in recovery, or is he simply abstaining?
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I can relate Earthworm. Til recently I've been in the habit of begging my husband to respond/acknowledge what I said. This week I decided to simply state my feelings, and let him direct his reaction. I told him that I was uncomfortable when he got really drunk around me. He didn't say a word, a grunt, or even make eye contact. Then he asked me what I wanted to watch on TV.
It's a losing battle to beg others to understand my point of view. Instead, as AnvilheadII pointed out, it's wise to keep expectations realistic; I ought to expect my husband to be dismissive of my concerns.
Thanks for posting about this, ((Earthworm)). Hearing others' experiences, and folks responses to them, helps me better understanding of my own!
It's a losing battle to beg others to understand my point of view. Instead, as AnvilheadII pointed out, it's wise to keep expectations realistic; I ought to expect my husband to be dismissive of my concerns.
Thanks for posting about this, ((Earthworm)). Hearing others' experiences, and folks responses to them, helps me better understanding of my own!
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No apologies necessary...........
Sober 38 years goes to meetings constantly.....
But that means nothinbg we only deal with what we want.............
Sober 38 years goes to meetings constantly.....
But that means nothinbg we only deal with what we want.............
Originally Posted by zoso77
My apologies, Earthworm.
Is he in recovery, or is he simply abstaining?
Is he in recovery, or is he simply abstaining?
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Earthworm,
Can I tell you a story, a short part of my story. I tried using the "F" word many times during my marriage. The "f" word was "feelings". I was always thinking that talking about "feelings" was necessary in a marriage. I know I did try to talk about them when I first got married, but I thought I was being a b!tch, and just needed to learn how to compromise and just keep my mouth shut. So I did. This then started to bother him, so he kept telling me that I could talk about my "feelings". Well that didn't go over well either. WWIII would start. I tried to say how I felt in many different ways where it wouldn't seem to come off as "attacking?" He would just leave, or start a fight, or give me the silent treatment, or just totally dismiss me, and change the subject.
We ended up going to a psychotherapist, and my ex actually told this guy that he does not like when I am upset with him (tell him my feelings), because that just makes him mad.
In summary, I could not talk about my feelings, because it upset him that I was upset with him, so he got mad. This is all about control !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You should always be able to discuss your feelings, you are a person with feelings, and they should be respected. You can agree to disagree on someones perspective, but not about someones feelings.
I don't know, did that make sense?
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy
Can I tell you a story, a short part of my story. I tried using the "F" word many times during my marriage. The "f" word was "feelings". I was always thinking that talking about "feelings" was necessary in a marriage. I know I did try to talk about them when I first got married, but I thought I was being a b!tch, and just needed to learn how to compromise and just keep my mouth shut. So I did. This then started to bother him, so he kept telling me that I could talk about my "feelings". Well that didn't go over well either. WWIII would start. I tried to say how I felt in many different ways where it wouldn't seem to come off as "attacking?" He would just leave, or start a fight, or give me the silent treatment, or just totally dismiss me, and change the subject.
We ended up going to a psychotherapist, and my ex actually told this guy that he does not like when I am upset with him (tell him my feelings), because that just makes him mad.
In summary, I could not talk about my feelings, because it upset him that I was upset with him, so he got mad. This is all about control !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You should always be able to discuss your feelings, you are a person with feelings, and they should be respected. You can agree to disagree on someones perspective, but not about someones feelings.
I don't know, did that make sense?
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy
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Yes it makes alot of sense.
Thanx Amy
Thanx Amy
Originally Posted by amy55
Earthworm,
Can I tell you a story, a short part of my story. I tried using the "F" word many times during my marriage. The "f" word was "feelings". I was always thinking that talking about "feelings" was necessary in a marriage. I know I did try to talk about them when I first got married, but I thought I was being a b!tch, and just needed to learn how to compromise and just keep my mouth shut. So I did. This then started to bother him, so he kept telling me that I could talk about my "feelings". Well that didn't go over well either. WWIII would start. I tried to say how I felt in many different ways where it wouldn't seem to come off as "attacking?" He would just leave, or start a fight, or give me the silent treatment, or just totally dismiss me, and change the subject.
We ended up going to a psychotherapist, and my ex actually told this guy that he does not like when I am upset with him (tell him my feelings), because that just makes him mad.
In summary, I could not talk about my feelings, because it upset him that I was upset with him, so he got mad. This is all about control !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You should always be able to discuss your feelings, you are a person with feelings, and they should be respected. You can agree to disagree on someones perspective, but not about someones feelings.
I don't know, did that make sense?
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy
Can I tell you a story, a short part of my story. I tried using the "F" word many times during my marriage. The "f" word was "feelings". I was always thinking that talking about "feelings" was necessary in a marriage. I know I did try to talk about them when I first got married, but I thought I was being a b!tch, and just needed to learn how to compromise and just keep my mouth shut. So I did. This then started to bother him, so he kept telling me that I could talk about my "feelings". Well that didn't go over well either. WWIII would start. I tried to say how I felt in many different ways where it wouldn't seem to come off as "attacking?" He would just leave, or start a fight, or give me the silent treatment, or just totally dismiss me, and change the subject.
We ended up going to a psychotherapist, and my ex actually told this guy that he does not like when I am upset with him (tell him my feelings), because that just makes him mad.
In summary, I could not talk about my feelings, because it upset him that I was upset with him, so he got mad. This is all about control !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You should always be able to discuss your feelings, you are a person with feelings, and they should be respected. You can agree to disagree on someones perspective, but not about someones feelings.
I don't know, did that make sense?
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy
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This is true........
Originally Posted by Duckygirl1
People disconnected from their own feelings cant't connect to the feelings of others. Introspective is not a word to describe active A's or dry drunks.
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