broke up our engagement over possible red flags. need advice
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broke up our engagement over possible red flags. need advice
A little background info. I am engaged to a georgous professional woman that loves me to pieces and I feel the same way about her. I have never felt so loved and apericiated in my life.
I have always struggled with falling for people, but with her it was love at first sight. We fell for each other fast. She would spend every waking moment with me (which was odd to me) and would idealize me as the savior of her life. I was a bit reluctant, but she seemed to be my mirror image so I continued to fall in love with her. After a few months of dating I started to think this was the one I was gonna marry and spend the rest of my life with.
Unfortunately after two months, some problems started to come up that have persisted throughout the relationship. Right from the start she let me know that she suffers from severe depression. This was not a big issue as I have myself dealt with depression in the past and was able to come out the other side a much better person with therapy and hard work.
The issue however is that she doesnt take her meds regularly and refuses to seek therapy despite my every best effort. The combination of these factors adds up and often sends her into crazy mood swings. From super happy to suicidal and dim which puts me under extreme stress considering her history of self harm and suicidal ideation. If I am not able to give her a lot of attention she begins to constantly complain to me of how lonely she feels and fears I will abandon her. I simply feel burned out and fear falling back into depression myself.
last week we went to dinner and drinks afterwards. Great night overall but we started to have an argument about our job (were both in the medical field and I am in a way more authoritative position without giving away my title). Anyways, I was a bit drunk and said a few things that were rude in hindsight and underminded the importance of her job. I was an ******* and I owned up to it and apologized soon after.
However she got extremely upset and said she doesn't want to sleep at my house. Mind you she has about 6 tall beers in her at this point which are amplified because of depression meds she takes. So I keep apologizing and ask her to please sleep in my bed and I will sleep on the couch. She continues to refuse and gets her keys to drive home. I start begging her to not drive (She drives drunk alot more than I like).
So as I beg she begins pushing me out of the way. Unfortunately I held her by the shoulders (I am much bigger than her) and kept begging her to stay and at this point she starts throwing a couple of punches and slaps at me and hits me with a few of them. I was in shock more than being mad and just stepped aside and let her go. She texted me (after 3 hours) that she is home. In those three hours ive had 100 heart attacks because this woman is what I love the most and losing her in a car accident that I could prevent would wreck me.
Anyways, this is unfortunately the fifth time this has happened in our relationship. She has a tendency to drink way too much, and has been violent (if slapping is considered violence) with me in the past. But we are young and who am I to judge since I have my own indulgences with alcohol. I am afraid of her violent behavior tho. Is this something I can write of to being drunk or is it a big red flag as far as a future with this woman goes? I am afraid to label her an alcoholic, or further diagnose her psychological status since my view of the situation is skewed. Do you guys think this is something I should be concerned with? (I broke up with her for a week the first time it happened but it happened again)
I have always struggled with falling for people, but with her it was love at first sight. We fell for each other fast. She would spend every waking moment with me (which was odd to me) and would idealize me as the savior of her life. I was a bit reluctant, but she seemed to be my mirror image so I continued to fall in love with her. After a few months of dating I started to think this was the one I was gonna marry and spend the rest of my life with.
Unfortunately after two months, some problems started to come up that have persisted throughout the relationship. Right from the start she let me know that she suffers from severe depression. This was not a big issue as I have myself dealt with depression in the past and was able to come out the other side a much better person with therapy and hard work.
The issue however is that she doesnt take her meds regularly and refuses to seek therapy despite my every best effort. The combination of these factors adds up and often sends her into crazy mood swings. From super happy to suicidal and dim which puts me under extreme stress considering her history of self harm and suicidal ideation. If I am not able to give her a lot of attention she begins to constantly complain to me of how lonely she feels and fears I will abandon her. I simply feel burned out and fear falling back into depression myself.
last week we went to dinner and drinks afterwards. Great night overall but we started to have an argument about our job (were both in the medical field and I am in a way more authoritative position without giving away my title). Anyways, I was a bit drunk and said a few things that were rude in hindsight and underminded the importance of her job. I was an ******* and I owned up to it and apologized soon after.
However she got extremely upset and said she doesn't want to sleep at my house. Mind you she has about 6 tall beers in her at this point which are amplified because of depression meds she takes. So I keep apologizing and ask her to please sleep in my bed and I will sleep on the couch. She continues to refuse and gets her keys to drive home. I start begging her to not drive (She drives drunk alot more than I like).
So as I beg she begins pushing me out of the way. Unfortunately I held her by the shoulders (I am much bigger than her) and kept begging her to stay and at this point she starts throwing a couple of punches and slaps at me and hits me with a few of them. I was in shock more than being mad and just stepped aside and let her go. She texted me (after 3 hours) that she is home. In those three hours ive had 100 heart attacks because this woman is what I love the most and losing her in a car accident that I could prevent would wreck me.
Anyways, this is unfortunately the fifth time this has happened in our relationship. She has a tendency to drink way too much, and has been violent (if slapping is considered violence) with me in the past. But we are young and who am I to judge since I have my own indulgences with alcohol. I am afraid of her violent behavior tho. Is this something I can write of to being drunk or is it a big red flag as far as a future with this woman goes? I am afraid to label her an alcoholic, or further diagnose her psychological status since my view of the situation is skewed. Do you guys think this is something I should be concerned with? (I broke up with her for a week the first time it happened but it happened again)
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confused...
Welcome to the Board. I'm sorry for what has brought you here, but I'm also happy and relieved that you found us and took the time to post. We have members who have been in similar situations to yours, and they will soon pipe in.
Until they do, here's my $0.02...
In my experience, when you have red flags, it's usually a good idea to pay attention to them. Believe it or not, that doesn't always happen, especially when we're in love with someone. Sometimes we ignore those red flags, and they come back to bite us hard.
I don't know your girlfriend from a hole in the wall, but leaving the alcohol aside for a minute...when things happen "fast" the way it did with you and her, and when someone idealizes you, that's also a big red flag. When you have enough posts under your belts, feel free to PM me and I'll explain why.
In the meantime, I would read as many of our sticky notes as you can, which you'll find on our homepage. Information right now is gold to a guy like you. Read, read, and read some more, and pay close attention to the ES&H of our members.
And again, Welcome to the Board.
Welcome to the Board. I'm sorry for what has brought you here, but I'm also happy and relieved that you found us and took the time to post. We have members who have been in similar situations to yours, and they will soon pipe in.
Until they do, here's my $0.02...
In my experience, when you have red flags, it's usually a good idea to pay attention to them. Believe it or not, that doesn't always happen, especially when we're in love with someone. Sometimes we ignore those red flags, and they come back to bite us hard.
I don't know your girlfriend from a hole in the wall, but leaving the alcohol aside for a minute...when things happen "fast" the way it did with you and her, and when someone idealizes you, that's also a big red flag. When you have enough posts under your belts, feel free to PM me and I'll explain why.
In the meantime, I would read as many of our sticky notes as you can, which you'll find on our homepage. Information right now is gold to a guy like you. Read, read, and read some more, and pay close attention to the ES&H of our members.
And again, Welcome to the Board.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 588
Dear one,
This relationship has more red flags flying than a military parade in Bejing. YES, SLAPPING IS VIOLENCE! From the sound of it you BOTH could use a time out, step back and self examination.
If the arguments spurred on by drinking has brought you to this point in so short a time, it will only go down hill from here. You are hurting and your head and heart are fighting it out. Not taking her meds and drinking to excess with acting out is dangerous to say the least. You are in the medical field, you know this to be true. Also, There is a huge difference between being judgmental and making a judgement call about how you want your future to look. A future with drunken rows is not pretty. A future living on edge wondering if your partner will kill herself will be hellish. Please read through these threads and learn all you can about addiction and codependency.
A time apart for healing doesn't always mean forever. Healthy relationships can only be had by healthy people. But it's going to take commitment and support. Good luck!
This relationship has more red flags flying than a military parade in Bejing. YES, SLAPPING IS VIOLENCE! From the sound of it you BOTH could use a time out, step back and self examination.
If the arguments spurred on by drinking has brought you to this point in so short a time, it will only go down hill from here. You are hurting and your head and heart are fighting it out. Not taking her meds and drinking to excess with acting out is dangerous to say the least. You are in the medical field, you know this to be true. Also, There is a huge difference between being judgmental and making a judgement call about how you want your future to look. A future with drunken rows is not pretty. A future living on edge wondering if your partner will kill herself will be hellish. Please read through these threads and learn all you can about addiction and codependency.
A time apart for healing doesn't always mean forever. Healthy relationships can only be had by healthy people. But it's going to take commitment and support. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
confused, welcome. There will soon be a lot of very wise people here to share with you.
IMO - first of all yes, slapping is violent and violence when drunk is a huge red flag. It will happen again, as you already know. Is that acceptable to you?
She sounds unstable and needy. She is not likely to change, certainly not without her medication and therapy which she refuses. Is *that* acceptable? Suppose she never takes her meds or seeks help?
I think you were wise to break off the engagement. Your lady may be wonderful but she has a lot of problems, one of which is drinking to excess. Unless she's willing to own and start dealing with her problems I'd hold off on the marriage.
IMO - first of all yes, slapping is violent and violence when drunk is a huge red flag. It will happen again, as you already know. Is that acceptable to you?
She sounds unstable and needy. She is not likely to change, certainly not without her medication and therapy which she refuses. Is *that* acceptable? Suppose she never takes her meds or seeks help?
I think you were wise to break off the engagement. Your lady may be wonderful but she has a lot of problems, one of which is drinking to excess. Unless she's willing to own and start dealing with her problems I'd hold off on the marriage.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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Posts: 11
Originally Posted by Duckygirl1 
Dear one,
This relationship has more red flags flying than a military parade in Bejing. YES, SLAPPING IS VIOLENCE! From the sound of it you BOTH could use a time out, step back and self examination.
If the arguments spurred on by drinking has brought you to this point in so short a time, it will only go down hill from here. You are hurting and your head and heart are fighting it out. Not taking her meds and drinking to excess with acting out is dangerous to say the least. You are in the medical field, you know this to be true. Also, There is a huge difference between being judgmental and making a judgement call about how you want your future to look. A future with drunken rows is not pretty. A future living on edge wondering if your partner will kill herself will be hellish. Please read through these threads and learn all you can about addiction and codependency.
A time apart for healing doesn't always mean forever. Healthy relationships can only be had by healthy people. But it's going to take commitment and support. Good luck!
This relationship has more red flags flying than a military parade in Bejing. YES, SLAPPING IS VIOLENCE! From the sound of it you BOTH could use a time out, step back and self examination.
If the arguments spurred on by drinking has brought you to this point in so short a time, it will only go down hill from here. You are hurting and your head and heart are fighting it out. Not taking her meds and drinking to excess with acting out is dangerous to say the least. You are in the medical field, you know this to be true. Also, There is a huge difference between being judgmental and making a judgement call about how you want your future to look. A future with drunken rows is not pretty. A future living on edge wondering if your partner will kill herself will be hellish. Please read through these threads and learn all you can about addiction and codependency.
A time apart for healing doesn't always mean forever. Healthy relationships can only be had by healthy people. But it's going to take commitment and support. Good luck!
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 588
I get that. I'm an introvert by nature and really try to remain aware of not getting lost in my head and overanylizing. But dear one, being physically assaulted was not in your head. It is /was/ and always shall be unacceptable behavior. If you know that you are Codie then you know that the problem is not over exaggerating. it's underestimating and making excuses for. She will drain you and you will hold on hoping for change that never comes. Are you in any kind of support group now? If not please run to your nearest al anon, AA or Codie anonymous meeting. You sound like a very nice guy. Give yourself a break
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 120
I am sorry that you had to find SR. It is never a good idea to drink alveoli while taking medication, that is a problem. It is also not okay to drink and drive. Hitting you is also unacceptable coping behavior. It sounds like she could use some tools to manage her self and the only way to get tools is to do the work and go to therapy. Nothing will change until she makes changes. You came to the right place, most of us know your story well. It was my story when I was younger. I believed love could fix people, I learned the hard way... Take a step back and let your brain decide. You are worthy of healthy love...
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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If you stay with her, one of you will eventually get arrested. She'll either get nailed for drunk driving, or one of you will be arrested for domestic violence (um, I know you meant well, but restraining someone by holding her by the shoulders is considered violence, too--you could have called for help or for the police rather than physically restraining her). And realistically, even if you are in a position of legitimately defending yourself, if the police show up, YOU are the one likely to be charged with something.
That aside, she has both mental health and alcohol issues. I can't say whether she's an alcoholic based on what you've written, but she certainly isn't in any position to be a reliable partner at this point.
At the very least, I'd suggest making no wedding plans. In fact, I'd suggest walking away from the relationship--at least until she has addressed her problems and stabilized. I think you will wind up with a LOT of regrets if you continue on the path you're on with her.
Sorry for the situation you're in, but glad you found us here.
That aside, she has both mental health and alcohol issues. I can't say whether she's an alcoholic based on what you've written, but she certainly isn't in any position to be a reliable partner at this point.
At the very least, I'd suggest making no wedding plans. In fact, I'd suggest walking away from the relationship--at least until she has addressed her problems and stabilized. I think you will wind up with a LOT of regrets if you continue on the path you're on with her.
Sorry for the situation you're in, but glad you found us here.
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Hi confused, a combo of untreated depression along with alcoholism are enough to scupper any relationship.
I'd also question if she only has depression because she is refusing to take her medication at times. As someone who has suffered from depression, you'll know that stopping and starting medication is a big no no and can bring on very unpleasant symptoms. IMO there might be more going on, and she may have had other diagnoses that she isn't revealing to you because she's in denial.
I think there's a lot more to be revealed, however up-front, violence is never ok, and I don't care if it's a woman hitting a man. What sort of future would you have if you two had children?
She's probably going to promise the earth to get back together with you, but you have no future, none, because she's in denial about everything.
I'd also question if she only has depression because she is refusing to take her medication at times. As someone who has suffered from depression, you'll know that stopping and starting medication is a big no no and can bring on very unpleasant symptoms. IMO there might be more going on, and she may have had other diagnoses that she isn't revealing to you because she's in denial.
I think there's a lot more to be revealed, however up-front, violence is never ok, and I don't care if it's a woman hitting a man. What sort of future would you have if you two had children?
She's probably going to promise the earth to get back together with you, but you have no future, none, because she's in denial about everything.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 419
I think of Ozzie Osbourn singing, Going off of the rails on a crazy train.
I don't know how much madness you are used to in your life but this whole thing about falling instantly madly in love is just that: Madness. She was just like you because she was mirroring you. It wasn't some miracle of wonderfulness. Of course there are going to become cracks in the facade. How could there not?
You and she and drinking are a combination for disaster. If you respect your own well-being, not to mention hers, you have no business putting those three things together.
You two may have a chance without the alcohol, but no chance at all with it. Sanity can be hard to come by sober, and it is for many of us, but with it, here -- hell waits for you.
The next thing you know you could be facing legal issues for restraining her. Goodbye life. Goodbye career.
I don't know how much madness you are used to in your life but this whole thing about falling instantly madly in love is just that: Madness. She was just like you because she was mirroring you. It wasn't some miracle of wonderfulness. Of course there are going to become cracks in the facade. How could there not?
You and she and drinking are a combination for disaster. If you respect your own well-being, not to mention hers, you have no business putting those three things together.
You two may have a chance without the alcohol, but no chance at all with it. Sanity can be hard to come by sober, and it is for many of us, but with it, here -- hell waits for you.
The next thing you know you could be facing legal issues for restraining her. Goodbye life. Goodbye career.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 590
Too many red flags. To be honest, most all of our loved ones who struggle with substance are wonderful people....if only they wouldn't drink or drug. But they do so that is reality. I am glad you broke off the engagement.
What I would do if she wanted to drive drunk is to pick up the phone and tell her if she tries to get in the car you will report her make and model of car and license plate number to the police. Then do it if she leaves....please, please, please. How bad would you feel if she killed someone or herself because you knew and didn't call? Not trying to be harsh because we have addiction in our family (my son) so that would be hard BUT hearing innocent people were hurt or killed would be harder.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Kari
What I would do if she wanted to drive drunk is to pick up the phone and tell her if she tries to get in the car you will report her make and model of car and license plate number to the police. Then do it if she leaves....please, please, please. How bad would you feel if she killed someone or herself because you knew and didn't call? Not trying to be harsh because we have addiction in our family (my son) so that would be hard BUT hearing innocent people were hurt or killed would be harder.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Kari
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
I have to mention this as well.
When sex gets involved, all your objectivity goes out the window. I know that cat is already out of the bag, but it still doesn't hurt to keep this in mind.
I think other cultures, who have their marriages arranged by their parents and don't have sex until their wedding night, do better than ours in the success of long-term marriages.
You two don't even really know each other. Combine hormones, alcohol and other chemicals, and you have a deadly cocktail.
Please keep coming back!
When sex gets involved, all your objectivity goes out the window. I know that cat is already out of the bag, but it still doesn't hurt to keep this in mind.
I think other cultures, who have their marriages arranged by their parents and don't have sex until their wedding night, do better than ours in the success of long-term marriages.
You two don't even really know each other. Combine hormones, alcohol and other chemicals, and you have a deadly cocktail.
Please keep coming back!
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 251
Oh boy...sounds oh so familiar...I met my AH, started dating, got engaged, married all within 5 months...the first few months were great...so in love, sex was amazing, didn't fight, didn't drink, kids were happy..then it went downhill quick...AH started drinking again...verbal abuse started...drinking and driving...physical abuse...emotional abuse...custody battle with my ex...and this is just the first 1 1/2 years of marriage! I agree with everyone on this post...consider yourself lucky and take a step back...her true colors are unfortunately shining through right now...if it is bad now it is only going to get worse if she doesn't get help. It sounds like you feel a little guilty and want to help/save her...oh, I can relate..finding out I am an enabler and co dependent too..
thanks for your posting...I know I don't have a lot of encouraging words to say at this point, but I wish I could talk to myself 2 years ago and say "proceed with extreme caution" . You cannot truly know someone in that short period of time. So sorry you are going through this.
thanks for your posting...I know I don't have a lot of encouraging words to say at this point, but I wish I could talk to myself 2 years ago and say "proceed with extreme caution" . You cannot truly know someone in that short period of time. So sorry you are going through this.
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Hello and welcome - sorry you are in a situation that has you come looking for us though. I encourage you to read the stickies at the top. Lots of good info up there.
Lots of red flags. Here are the flags I see in your post.
We fell for each other fast. She would spend every waking moment with me (which was odd to me) and would idealize me as the savior of her life.
That is not a healthy way to maintain a relationship for either one of you.
Unfortunately after two months, some problems started to come up
When we date we put our very best foot forward. This is the VERY BEST you will ever get out of a person. More issues are usually revealed as time goes on and they get bigger, not smaller.
The issue however is that she doesnt take her meds regularly and refuses to seek therapy despite my every best effort. The combination of these factors adds up and often sends her into crazy mood swings. From super happy to suicidal and dim which puts me under extreme stress
Is this how you want to live your life? Under extreme stress?
If I am not able to give her a lot of attention she begins to constantly complain to me of how lonely she feels and fears I will abandon her.
Huge red flag. Imagine living this way year after year after year. How draining and stressful would that be? When we date we show the other person how life with us will be - who we are - how we handle things. She is showing you now. Believe her.
I start begging her to not drive (She drives drunk alot more than I like).
red flag for obvious reasons.
So as I beg she begins pushing me out of the way. Unfortunately I held her by the shoulders (I am much bigger than her) and kept begging her to stay and at this point she starts throwing a couple of punches and slaps at me and hits me with a few of them.
Huge red flag for both of you. Violence and abuse are not OK. I've been smashed plenty of times. I was married to an alcoholic for years. There has never been a single physical altercation in my life. It is not the alcohol's fault. It is a separate and serious issue.
Anyways, this is unfortunately the fifth time this has happened in our relationship.
A pattern of drunken, careless, abusive behavior.
I am afraid to label her an alcoholic, or further diagnose her psychological status since my view of the situation is skewed.
You don't have to label her. What you need to be concerned with is what is acceptable in your life, what kind of life you want for yourself, what kind of things will bring you happiness and security. When you determine what those things are you are responsible for walking a path that gets you that life. You are responsible for making the hard choices to let people go that are on a different path. All to often we leave our path to walk on theirs and there is nothing but misery and regret at the end of that road.
It usually works the other way around for us codependents. I think you are downplaying it and it is much worse than you think it is. Someone without codependent tendencies would have left this relationship at the two month mark when such serious problems started to arise.
Stick around. Read and ask as many questions as you want. There is a ton of wisdom and support here at SR.
Lots of red flags. Here are the flags I see in your post.
We fell for each other fast. She would spend every waking moment with me (which was odd to me) and would idealize me as the savior of her life.
That is not a healthy way to maintain a relationship for either one of you.
Unfortunately after two months, some problems started to come up
When we date we put our very best foot forward. This is the VERY BEST you will ever get out of a person. More issues are usually revealed as time goes on and they get bigger, not smaller.
The issue however is that she doesnt take her meds regularly and refuses to seek therapy despite my every best effort. The combination of these factors adds up and often sends her into crazy mood swings. From super happy to suicidal and dim which puts me under extreme stress
Is this how you want to live your life? Under extreme stress?
If I am not able to give her a lot of attention she begins to constantly complain to me of how lonely she feels and fears I will abandon her.
Huge red flag. Imagine living this way year after year after year. How draining and stressful would that be? When we date we show the other person how life with us will be - who we are - how we handle things. She is showing you now. Believe her.
I start begging her to not drive (She drives drunk alot more than I like).
red flag for obvious reasons.
So as I beg she begins pushing me out of the way. Unfortunately I held her by the shoulders (I am much bigger than her) and kept begging her to stay and at this point she starts throwing a couple of punches and slaps at me and hits me with a few of them.
Huge red flag for both of you. Violence and abuse are not OK. I've been smashed plenty of times. I was married to an alcoholic for years. There has never been a single physical altercation in my life. It is not the alcohol's fault. It is a separate and serious issue.
Anyways, this is unfortunately the fifth time this has happened in our relationship.
A pattern of drunken, careless, abusive behavior.
I am afraid to label her an alcoholic, or further diagnose her psychological status since my view of the situation is skewed.
You don't have to label her. What you need to be concerned with is what is acceptable in your life, what kind of life you want for yourself, what kind of things will bring you happiness and security. When you determine what those things are you are responsible for walking a path that gets you that life. You are responsible for making the hard choices to let people go that are on a different path. All to often we leave our path to walk on theirs and there is nothing but misery and regret at the end of that road.
Originally Posted by confused66
I know I am codependent, thats why I wonder wether I am escalading this situation in my head or wether it is really as bad as it is.
Stick around. Read and ask as many questions as you want. There is a ton of wisdom and support here at SR.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I have always struggled with falling for people, but with her it was love at first sight. We fell for each other fast.
Her red flags –
Severe depression where she doesn’t take her meds regularly.
She is extremely clingy and needy.
Mood Swings.
Talks of suicide.
Drinks to access on occasions, which seem to be becoming more and more.
She gets violent when drunk.
She drives drunk.
Do you think your own un-resolved issues with codependency are keeping you anchored to a sinking ship?
What are you "hoping" to hear here?
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hello! You have gotten good advise so far. One thing I will mention that is if you are in a place of authority in the medical field, I hope what you are saying is not that you are drinking with her while she is mixing with benzos. That can be a deadly combo. Obviously, I don't know what she is on but want to throw that out there.
My X husband did some very horrible things and would have blackouts that could have killed him or someone else, and nearly did, while mixing benzos and alcohol.
Please be careful.
My X husband did some very horrible things and would have blackouts that could have killed him or someone else, and nearly did, while mixing benzos and alcohol.
Please be careful.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
with her it was love at first sight. We fell for each other fast. She would spend every waking moment with me (which was odd to me) and would idealize me as the savior of her life. I was a bit reluctant, but she seemed to be my mirror image so I continued to fall in love with her.
This behavior -- moving fast, idealizing the partner, putting you on a pedestal, and especially "seemed to be my mirror image" -- is pretty typical of a kind of person that would make me run for the hills.
My ex proposed to me the first time after we'd known each other for 2 1/2 months. It's almost like they want to make sure they've got you bagged before the crazy starts coming out.
As a guy, you may not have the same concerns that I do as a woman -- but anyone who gets violent with a person they claim to love is a very dangerous person. It's not common knowledge how many husband batterers there are out there -- but there are many, many men who are too ashamed to admit that their wives are beating them regularly, and are just as abusive as abusive husbands.
Also -- "she drives drunk more often than I like" -- seriously? Are you considering what this would mean for you if you actually married this woman?
I'm less compassionate right now than I am some days -- but I don't care if this woman is the Greek Goddess Aphrodite; she has serious problems and I would be very, very careful. Red flags pop up for a reason: You want to honor your gut feeling that there's something very worrisome with this one.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 865
Do you guys think this is something I should be concerned with?
YES!!!!
Anyways, this is unfortunately the fifth time this has happened in our relationship.
RED Flag for sure!!!
Dear one,
This relationship has more red flags flying than a military parade in Bejing.
^^This^^
You might consider taking a little break for a while like other posters have suggested.
Take care!
YES!!!!
Anyways, this is unfortunately the fifth time this has happened in our relationship.
RED Flag for sure!!!
Dear one,
This relationship has more red flags flying than a military parade in Bejing.
^^This^^
You might consider taking a little break for a while like other posters have suggested.
Take care!
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