Whitewingeddove

Always get to feeling a little healthier after a few days of no contact with my AS. Out of sight, out of mind I guess. Never totally out of mind of course, especially where my granddaughter is concerned, but nonetheless....feel a little better.

Then the phone rings.....pleasant conversation at first, but I always know there is a "reason" for the call. It's not to "check in" or to say he misses his father and I.

They are awaiting their tax refund, and there is no food in the house and the baby needs diapers soon. I want to scream and yell....why the h@ll do you wait until you probably have nothing but a package of crackers in the house and likely a couple of diapers before you feel a sense of urgency?????

But, I don't "flip out".........because it just upsets me.....

He's awaiting on a couple of hundred on a direct deposit to his refund debit card. He will hand it over (along with the PIN#) to me in exchange for the cash. I have confirmed on the IRS website that the return is accepted.

Of course, he mentioned that he needs to take care of his family, and he's "trying not to resort to doing things he shouldn't be doing for $$" and of course he is "not saying this to make me feel guilty"

My response was that there are other things he can do to take care of them (at a minimum) like going to the food shelf and going out to shovel roofs, etc.

I haven't given him an answer..it appears he will probably have his money in a few days. I am tempted to hit the grocery store after work with enough groceries for a couple of days and a package of diapers, but that's it....

Gosh this is so difficult...... I don't plan to hand him any cash, but the baby makes doing "nothing at all" next to impossible for me.....

thanks for listening.

atalose

I think buying groceries and diapers is far better then putting cash in his hands!

Guess if you did that you'll find out by his attitude if it was really the groceries and diapers that was needed or the cash.

Readreadread

I am not sure of how bad the situation is, but in my experience giving addicts cash is never a great idea. Maybe you could take your grandchild for a few days until his refund comes through?

Whitewingeddove

Managed to drive right by the grocery store on the way home. Didn't stop, didn't "help", didn't do a thing....

GardenMama

It is such an odd feeling, isn't it? I have had that one several times lately, and I think I might be starting to get used to it...learning slowly when my "help" is no help at all, even when it looks perfectly "normal" to other parents. Good for you, WWD. Good for you.

seasaw

Good for you!

irisgardens

good job wwd.

Vale

I've bought a lot of oxy back in the day..........

(except for the fact that I've never bought oxy)

...oh, yeah.......my MONEY bought oxy!

Ann

As a mama of an addict I know your struggle, children are really the innocents in all this.

My prayers go out for all of you.

Hugs

hopeful4

I understand the need to buy the food and diapers. Mark through all upc labels with a sharpie and take the diapers out of the package. Sad, but sometimes necessary.

I'm sorry WWD.

Whitewingeddove

well, I hadn't heard anything further, so I was in hopes he had finally realized I was going to say no.

Then I get a text about an hour ago asking if I had given any more thought to helping him.

Me: I love you, but I really can't
AS: OK
Me: I DO love you very very much, more than you will ever know or realize
AS: I love you too

Tough love SUCKS SO BAD!!!!!!!!

Weird, my first thought was how much easier it would have been if he got pissed and lashed out at me. Then I could have gotten pissed, and it would have kept the hurt/pain at bay (for a bit anyway)

Nope....instead his response was tame....not what I expected, I guess.

I know I have done the right thing. Just doesn't make it easier AT ALL!

Thanks for listening

hopeful4

WWD, you did do the right thing. It hurts big time I am positive of that!

Tight hugs!!!

vaya

There are often many shelters and other places that give out diapers and food just for the asking. You might also look into churches that provide food bags and assistance.
I just did a google search for free diapers and food for babies in my area and many links came up. Here's one: Find a diaper bank | NDBN.
I know how hard this must be for you. I'd be inclined to give a little bit of diapers and food so the baby will be ok, like some others have suggested and then encourage him to look into the free resources available.