codie mom

Old 02-10-2015, 05:30 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Blossom717's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
codie mom

I haven't been on here in a while. Lots of day-to-day stuff keeping me busy...work, school, taking care of little blossom.

This post isn't so much about exabf, but about my mom, a codie herself.

I think I've posted before about it...her bf doesn't work, doesn't seem to want to work. He isn't an addict (well, maybe to media like video games but that's it) but he is a manipulator who takes advantage of my mom.

I love her, and really appreciate her allowing us to live with her. But. Having said that, seeing her codependent habits on a daily basis are not helping my own recovery. Last night she was helping (ie. making) her bf apply for a job and a "match.com" email popped up on his laptop. (that's how they met years ago) It was a request to reactivate his account. Mom got angry and made him show her all his emails.....

It was an uncomfortable situation, even from in the other room. I was trying to study for a mid term and keep dd occupied. I don't know how to feel about them, if I should at all. I know if I were in that situation and I was constantly questioning his trust then I'd break up with him....well I would have kicked him to the curb with him not having a job since august.

I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest. I see her actions of trying to control a situation that she can't and it makes me feel silly for doing the same thing in my own relationships.
Blossom717 is offline  
Old 02-10-2015, 06:13 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Blossom, it's good to hear from you! I was just wondering yesterday how you and little Blossom are doing!!!

I would just try to stay out of it. If she comes to you to talk about it, then she may be ready to listen. Chances are, if you would try to talk to her about it now she would simply get angry. I'm sorry. I would think it would be very triggering to be around that sort of behavior.

On the plus side, you won't be there forever. Just try to detatch from it as much as possible.

Hugs!!! Take Care!
hopeful4 is offline  
Old 02-10-2015, 06:42 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Blossom717's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
Hopeful - We are doing good thank you! The next mediation date to try and come to a final agreement about custody is the 18th, so I am very anxious! I still don't know what his plans are, but other than that we are good!

DD (who is 3) told me a little boy asked her to marry him the other day at school...and that she said yes. And that their teacher put the little boy in time out lol.
Blossom717 is offline  
Old 02-10-2015, 09:04 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
FireSprite's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
It's weird when you learn about these "bad" Codie behaviors & then can see them so clearly in someone else, isn't it?

My boss is Uber-Codie but she's no where near ready to see that yet. The way she grapples for control with her ACoA husband & how she is constantly adjusting for everyone's else's emotions is EXHAUSTING! It gives me the opportunity to see what Codie behavior really looks like sometimes.

It can be difficult to hold my boundaries with her without hurting her feelings, but it's necessary for me.
FireSprite is offline  
Old 02-10-2015, 09:05 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Well dang, time out for a marriage proposal!!! That's too cute!

I am glad to hear you are doing good. It's good to hear from you!!!

XXX
hopeful4 is offline  
Old 02-10-2015, 09:56 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
cookiesncream's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 273
No wise words of advice but simply a "I get where you're coming from." I big revelation to me as I just hit my big ONE YEAR the other day in recovery is really realizing how much several close "codies" in my life and my failure to set boundaries had affected me. I've also realized that as part of my ongoing recovery that setting boundaries is paramount to my own recovery. I'm reaching out to therapists galore today to find some help in this area. While you're in the thick of addiction and beginning recovery its hard to see the "big picture."

Best to you and if I come up with some wise words of advice I'll let you know.

Peace
cookiesncream is offline  
Old 02-10-2015, 10:19 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
knowthetriggers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 865
I had no idea that my codependency started at home until my AH went to rehab and I started Alanon! But what an eye opener right?

I only see my parents once a year, due to where we live, but now that my siblings and I are all grown and gone she has only one person left to control - My Dad! He is not an alcoholic but she tries to control every little thing he does - constant reminders of this and that and the other- it is exhausting to listen to!

With a little self help and some hard work I hope to break away from this pattern and live a healthier less codependent life for my kiddos!
knowthetriggers is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:59 AM.