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confused and scared

Old 08-12-2004, 05:27 PM
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confused and scared

This is my first time here. I have read a few things but just wwanted to ask some questions right now if that's OK. I am a 59 year old grandmother of 5.
Have had a rouhg life and started abusing OC stuff for years. Anything I could. Midol, Pamprin. Sinutab Extra Strength of course. I also went to numerous Dr.s for help.I never felt "calm" in my life~ and my life was a living hell so I wanted to feel better.My memory is really bad. I know I was given Paxil, Klonopin,Prozac, Serzone rings a bell ?? BusPar and probably many more over the years.

Now I have been on Xanax for about 3 years. First 1 mg a day. Half in the morn and then at night-because of sleep problems. Well now Dr. switched me to Xanax XR. I thought I had finally found it. I thought I felt more evened out and didn't have that crappy feeling mid day. Well, two months ago, my 33 year old daughter had to have open heart surgery. Needless to say, I was in desparation and fear like I never experienced. (she is fine thank god now). I asked Dr. for a little more for at tnight- so he told me to take another 1mg XR tab at night to get me through.

I have thrree wonderful daughters who arre worried about me. They want me to get off the Xanax~and now at this stage in life I do too. I am scared. I am so afraid to not have it. Even though it really doesn't do anything much.

I was diagnosed with PTSD, have anxiety and do also get bouts of depression. I don't know if it is the drug or me. I am so confused. I do get palpitations during stress- even on it- but I also read it causes it.

What do I do? Sorry this was long, just wanted to give a little background.
Do I trust my PC Doc. to get me off.( I tried once- it was not good- I got back on) or should I go to a specialist who helps people get off this drug? Any help will be so appreciated.
I have so much to live for now. I have a second chance at my life and I want to see what it would be like top just be me without a drug.

Blessings,
bobbie
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Old 08-12-2004, 05:37 PM
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(((Bobbie))))

Welcome to SR! So glad you have found us.

I have been addicted to xanax...I used pain pills the most..but wasn't prejudiced against anything to 'calm' mje. to make the pain more bearable...to make me forget all the trouble that was my life. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote..the diagnoses, the hellish life...never feeling calm....and I used myself right into ahell even worse than the original pain. Many people with PTSD and depression abuse drugs to help with the pain. But good news. There IS help, and hope...I used pills since I was 10 yrs old..I am 32 now and been clean a few months..and am working on facing all my fears and living life on life's terms. There is a better way through all this.

Defintely, please do seek medical help for this. I think a specialist would be optimal....if you have the means please do so. If you have to see your PC do that...don't stop reaching out for help! It is available....NA works miracles for many..there is SMART recovery, all kinds of options available to you. I don't have a name for the program I work......Alot of cognitive behavioral stuff..challenging all the thought processes that led me to seek chemicals to cope in the first place.....anything I can find that is relevant and works...I work it!

I hope you continue to post here, and to also seek the medical help and support in person you will need. Again, welcome to SR..you will find sincere friendship here and invaluable support.

It CAN get better..you can choose life. hang in there, okay?

((((((((((((Warm, Welcoming Hugs)))))))))))))))))
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Old 08-12-2004, 07:31 PM
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i have used alot of things, never painkillers but i know the feeling of feeling alone. lost, frustrated, scared, sad................bobbie this is your first step to help. alll of these people are just like you and me, strong! WE ARE STRONG OR WE WOULDNT BE HERE! some of us just dont know our strength yet, (i am just finding mine) my strength comes from coming home and instead of using the last 2 days, writing my feelings, and reading others feelings. it calms me to know that there are all these people who are strangers but they really arent. they are your friends, sent to you to save you. be strong, know what you have to live for, you are worth it.
love angelwings
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Old 08-12-2004, 07:52 PM
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Dont do anymore drugs!!

To whom this may concern, I hope that someone may hear this and it helps. I am a 27 yrold. female , i started drugs at 14, i was using the needle (meth) by 16. I stopped at 18 and havent gone back. My life has been rehab centers to jail cells to mental hospitals to physical and mental abuse from men. That was back then. What people NEVER tell you is how hard the world is, especially if you want to have the better things in life. Im in college now, i struggle compared to those kids that finished school. I meet people my age who dont have the struggle's i have, that are normal. What kind of man or women are you going to attract? Reach for better things(to the ladies) Take care of your body. I was SO pretty, every boys dream and i used it to get drugs (my face) and guess what ...one day it all comes down on you and you'll say why is this happening im clean, im doing good and its just life catching up to you..all those times and you finally see what drugs have cost you!. I had a friend who lost his teeth at 23 from meth. It will get you, you
may feel like your on top of the world on drugs, thats why we use them, just remember you will pay. Try your hardest not to do them. Keep your mind stimulated..go to your nearest school and feel on top from acomplishments. the world is a rat race..get ready. Stay strong! Love and understanding, Turnaround!! Dont ever think your problem is not that bad - thats what i said BEFORE the needle!
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