cricket123

31 year and 3 times I stood by him as he struggled with alcohol. We had 3 great kids last one still in HS. 2 times he kicked it this time I fear alcohol is going to win. I screwed up 3 big times in the last 4 years, in my thought processes I can forgive myself.

The 1st time after 6-8 months of being treated worst than a poo on your shoes, he calls and tries to tell me he needs help, well I let him down I was so angry at him. He never forgave me I have tried over and over to make it up.

2nd time I stopped counseling with him because I couldn't keep going and hearing how I was all screwed up. It was always about what was wrong with me. I think he never forgave me for that.

The third time was this past week - after walking on eggs shells all day and having more of my stuff thrown out I got mad and started throwing out some of his stuff. (Yeah I forced a confrontation, but I was tired of him throwing his weight around) well he got mad real quick and got in my face and told me "if you were a man I would kick your butt" well after leaving I posted on fb(bad ideal but I was a little tired of it all) "oh the joy of living with a drunk"- ah did see it and again viewed it as a major betrayal again. Yes I deleted it not long after I put it out.

Unfortunately in his eyes I am evil to do those thing and he is absolved right away. I would still like to try to fight for our marriage but at this point I don't know what I can do.

AnvilheadII

cricket, he threw you out of the house!!! he threatened to do you harm!


I would still like to try to fight for our marriage but at this point I don't know what I can do.

i'm just gonna be blunt and ask......

WHAT MARRIAGE???

shil2587

I can't see any big mistakes in your actions except for blaming yourself. The guy abused you and tried to convince you it was your fault. Nothing in what you have written suggests you have any blame in this. (((((((Hugs))))))))

cricket123

Thank you I need to hear these things

hopeful4

Don't let a bully tell you that when you speak out it's a mistake. You have a right to have these feelings.

knowthetriggers

^^This^^ And a quick reminder that you deserve better!

maia1234

Cricket
You will never make him happy, until he stops drinking. There is nothing else you can do to "save' your marriage.

You need to get some help for you, go to an alanon meeting. Get some support.

lillamy

You didn't do a thing wrong.
You are letting his voice talk inside your head.
And that voice is very sick. It's blaming you when you're not to blame.

CodeJob

Cricket,

I really am fond of crickets. What a sweet name.

Read up on gaslighting. You are seriously on fire.