Oswin

So I'm back again. Got to day 80 then thought I can handle the odd drink. That was months ago and though started off very sensibly I'm now sat here with a hangover from hell. Thinking how did I end up back in this state. So facing facts again, I can't just have one or two drinks I need to have no alcohol. Feel very disappointed I let myself get back to having blackouts and killer hangovers.

Findingtheway

Been there. Had 87 days sober. Drank over New years. Turned into a binge week. Was lucky enough to STOP and gather myself. And admit it was a mistake.

Back to 33 days sober now. I need to as the big book says *Smash any lurking notion that i can drink like a normal person*

Because i simply can't.

Don't GIVE up.

Soberwolf

You can do this Oswin dust yourself off learn from it & try again

Dee74

Welcome back Oswin

D

hayley86

Welcome back. Making peace with the fact that i can't ever drink, and taking the option completely off the table was the start of my recovery. Try not to be too disheartened, you obviously were doing a lot of things right to get to 80 days sober. You will get there again, keep moving forward.

jryan19982

It always started off like that for me too when I relapsed. Just nursing one over the night eventually leads to me killing whatever alcohol is in the house.

Wastinglife

My relapses the past few years always came after months of sobriety. There is no easing into a drinking pattern of a couple beers one night 3 beers a couple days later. One pint and I am off to the races, drunk for the next week solid after that first sip.

Took me so long to finally get it. I am a very destructive type drinker. Binges are more likely to end in the ER, a jail cell, or being fired from work than they are with me just waking up with a hangover in my own bed.

That's what I think of when I get a craving or agree to meet the lads out to watch the football or hockey. I have no one left to call to come pick me up from jail so enough is enough. Not one drink

Start over again. Next time play the tape through to the end.

Oswin

Thanks, I am feeling down about relapsing. But also positive that I've come back on this site. As over last 3 months I've stated I'm giving up again. But I was just saying it. This time I really want to, as hate who I become as a drinker. Well what I'm told I get like as can't remember!

least

I'm glad you're back, giving it another go.

PurpleKnight

Go at thinks again Oswin!! You can do this!!

hillbillygirl

Chin up!

Gardennerd

I did the same thing. I am just happy it made me realize I can never drink again, I am powerless over alcohol. On day 10 now and never going back.

JadedGirl

Well done on over 80 days that's amazing. Take this as a learning experience. Next time you think you're ready to just have the odd drink look back at this time and realise it just can't happen this way.
I'm sorry you had a lapse but if it means anything I'm really grateful you posted this. At the moment I keep thinking 'it's been a month, I deserve a drink now' and this just reinforces what I already know deep down, it won't end up that way! So thankyou x
It sounds like you're really determined again now and you've done it before so you can most definitely do it again...and if that little voice creeps back in remember how you feel now. Good luck, you can do it xx

Hevyn

Hi Oswin. I know just how you feel. I always insisted willpower could save me. I'd just have one or two. As if. After decades of stubbornly insisting I could control myself, I finally realized all my good intentions led to getting drunk and binging. It was such a relief to admit I couldn't touch a drop. It's great to be free. Glad you are here.

scaredofchange

Your post is like reading something I would write!! Wish you the best!!!

heartcore

I relapsed all last summer after 6 months of sobriety. I had convinced myself that it was for a two week vacation (to New Orleans...). I drank for the next 2.5 months. I'm about to get my 6 months again (next week!). It means a lot to me. Sobriety.
Many of us have had to be sure. Many of us have tried over & over again to drink moderately. I agree with folks above - you eventually get the deep understanding that it just can't be done. Pirates don't moderate. Alcoholics don't moderate. Addicts don't moderate. All the other people can moderate. But for whatever reason, not me, not us...
In the end, sobriety is easier. Once you've had a little bit of it & you go back out, well, when they say that a little sobriety really messes up your drinking, it is true. I felt guilty every single beer I popped open, every single day, I felt guilty to drink after sobriety. I just couldn't shake it.

Creekryder

True, Heartcore, but unfortunately the guilt came to me at the witching hour (3 a.m.) and would interfere with returning to sleep. Even more unfortunate was that I forgot the guilt around 3 or 4 in the afternoon when the bottles opened once again. It was easy to erase the guilt with several down the hatch. But 3 a.m. always returned.

Buggirl

You can do this!

Thatdeliveryguy

Welcome back Oswin, hang overs are the worst..... Good news though you don't ever have to have another one! Good luck to you, and you're worth it