How many of you over analyze?
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 90
How many of you over analyze?
I'll admit that I over analyze things. I have always done this for as long as I can remember and even when I was little I was sensitive. It didn't take much to make me cry! When I first started hanging out with the RA in my life, I always over analyzed our hanging out or conversations because I liked him. I think everyone is guilty of that! But then later on, once things got a bit darker, I over analyzed everything only to try to figure out what happened or more accurately "what I did."
I feel like things are getting better between us. We are communicating. It's not romantic or overly friendly but it is also not hostile, mean, or drenched in sarcasm.
I know the absolute best thing to do is LET IT GO. And no, I'm not quoting Frozen. Just appreciate it for what it is and be grateful for the baby steps. But my mind is going crazy thinking: Well I wonder if he broke up with her! Is this his apology? Is he hoovering and planning to make a come back?
Any tips for calming your mind and not over thinking? I just want to let things be, be patient, and NOT PUSH IT. According to the RA I have a problem with patience and I do agree.
I feel like things are getting better between us. We are communicating. It's not romantic or overly friendly but it is also not hostile, mean, or drenched in sarcasm.
I know the absolute best thing to do is LET IT GO. And no, I'm not quoting Frozen. Just appreciate it for what it is and be grateful for the baby steps. But my mind is going crazy thinking: Well I wonder if he broke up with her! Is this his apology? Is he hoovering and planning to make a come back?
Any tips for calming your mind and not over thinking? I just want to let things be, be patient, and NOT PUSH IT. According to the RA I have a problem with patience and I do agree.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Yeah, I have always been a big overanalyzer. Ever since childhood. Back then it was a defense mechanism, but now it is a liability. All the racing, runaway trains of thought, the sleepless nights, the anxiety at any unexpected development.
Something that has helped me a lot is a daily meditation practice. I started doing a class on mindfulness at the VA and have been slowly building up my meditation time each day. I also did the Oprah/Deepak 21 day meditation challenge (recommended by Codejob) which was really beneficial.
It's hard to explain, but I've found that the skills I've developed really help me to stay focused on the moment, and not do so much future tripping and overanalyzing.
Something that has helped me a lot is a daily meditation practice. I started doing a class on mindfulness at the VA and have been slowly building up my meditation time each day. I also did the Oprah/Deepak 21 day meditation challenge (recommended by Codejob) which was really beneficial.
It's hard to explain, but I've found that the skills I've developed really help me to stay focused on the moment, and not do so much future tripping and overanalyzing.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Yeah, I used to overanalyze. I'm an engineer. I tried to figure things out. Didn't work so well for me.
So when the end of my relationship with my AXGF came, I went the opposite route. I simplified things. She did what she did because she was a drug addict (and someone with BPD).
Why did she do < fill in the blank >?
Because she's an addict and a Borderline.
Boom. Done. Next!
And this works great. Not only did it save me from going down a rabbit hole, it has the additional benefit of being true.
So when the end of my relationship with my AXGF came, I went the opposite route. I simplified things. She did what she did because she was a drug addict (and someone with BPD).
Why did she do < fill in the blank >?
Because she's an addict and a Borderline.
Boom. Done. Next!
And this works great. Not only did it save me from going down a rabbit hole, it has the additional benefit of being true.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Yeah, I spent way too much time in my life overanalyzing the behaviors and statements of other people. I think partly, it was because I was raised to believe that people always have a reason for their behavior (even if they're totally nuts, they usually have a reason -- however nutty -- for why they behave the way they do) and if you can figure that out, you can understand them.
I think also that it was a behavior based in fear, because living with an A was living with so much unpredictability that I constantly tried to be one step ahead.
This is one area where I feel like my recovery has gotten further than in other areas. Now, I believe people the first time they show me who they are. If people treat me like scum, I don't try to figure out WHY -- I just cut them out of my life.
I think also that it was a behavior based in fear, because living with an A was living with so much unpredictability that I constantly tried to be one step ahead.
This is one area where I feel like my recovery has gotten further than in other areas. Now, I believe people the first time they show me who they are. If people treat me like scum, I don't try to figure out WHY -- I just cut them out of my life.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
I didn't think that I was an overanalyzer until recently. My sponsor thinks I'm hyper-vigilant and an overanalyzer.
What has been helping me lately to not dwell on stuff is "mind my own business and have some business to mind." Generally when I overanalyze things its in relation to other people and my interactions with them. So I return the focus to me…work, hobbies, my never ending to do list, when is the GoodWife ever going to come back on TV, etc. etc. I have lots going on in my life at this point that I don't need to spend uncomfortable amounts of time thinking about things that I cannot change.
What has been helping me lately to not dwell on stuff is "mind my own business and have some business to mind." Generally when I overanalyze things its in relation to other people and my interactions with them. So I return the focus to me…work, hobbies, my never ending to do list, when is the GoodWife ever going to come back on TV, etc. etc. I have lots going on in my life at this point that I don't need to spend uncomfortable amounts of time thinking about things that I cannot change.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
>>How many of you over analyze?
Hey, what exactly do you mean by that?
Sorry 987g, I could not resist. No offense meant!
I tend to overanalyze when I'm upset about something. Coming up with a reason for an upsetting situation gives me a feeling of control, albeit a false one. And I'm very impatient.
How to stop it? Well, I've been through this often enough to know the upset feelings will not last. I know I have NO control over what another person thinks or says, only over what I think and say. So when I've calmed down I try to focus on what *I* can think and /or say to bring myself more peace of mind.
Deep, slow breathing techniques are very helpful in any situation where you are anxious. If you breath slowly and deeply you physically stop the anxious reactions. A therapist told me that and when I make myself focus in this way, it works.
Hey, what exactly do you mean by that?
Sorry 987g, I could not resist. No offense meant!
I tend to overanalyze when I'm upset about something. Coming up with a reason for an upsetting situation gives me a feeling of control, albeit a false one. And I'm very impatient.
How to stop it? Well, I've been through this often enough to know the upset feelings will not last. I know I have NO control over what another person thinks or says, only over what I think and say. So when I've calmed down I try to focus on what *I* can think and /or say to bring myself more peace of mind.
Deep, slow breathing techniques are very helpful in any situation where you are anxious. If you breath slowly and deeply you physically stop the anxious reactions. A therapist told me that and when I make myself focus in this way, it works.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
I used to over-analyze I think its a hallmark of co-dependent behavior.
I try not to anymore. I think things are never as complicated as they are obvious. We like to add in way more depth than simple explanation.
Now I try to confront puzzling situations because I can and do think incorrectly of people's actions at times (rather than get quagmired in being Freud, and making everything about some deep psychological crevasse).
For the rest I accept it at face value. So for your predicament:
"I wonder if he broke up with her" - Ask him if its pertinent.
"Is this his apology"? - unless he verbally given you one doesn't appear to be.
"Is he hovering and planning to make a comeback'? - Ahh here is your danger zone. Who knows. Do you want him to? If you are interested in reconciling with this person (I do not know your history at all) then ask him if he is interested in getting back together. Its either yes or no.
I try not to anymore. I think things are never as complicated as they are obvious. We like to add in way more depth than simple explanation.
Now I try to confront puzzling situations because I can and do think incorrectly of people's actions at times (rather than get quagmired in being Freud, and making everything about some deep psychological crevasse).
For the rest I accept it at face value. So for your predicament:
"I wonder if he broke up with her" - Ask him if its pertinent.
"Is this his apology"? - unless he verbally given you one doesn't appear to be.
"Is he hovering and planning to make a comeback'? - Ahh here is your danger zone. Who knows. Do you want him to? If you are interested in reconciling with this person (I do not know your history at all) then ask him if he is interested in getting back together. Its either yes or no.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by Stung 
What has been helping me lately to not dwell on stuff is "mind my own business and have some business to mind." Generally when I overanalyze things its in relation to other people and my interactions with them.
It took me a long time to realize that not everything is even worthy of analyzing so deeply & that not everything has an explanation. Some things really, simply, just ARE from my POV & all the effort exerted to figure it out is just effort wasted.
Part of what helps me stop over-analyzing others is having come to the realization myself that I don't understand all of MY damage well enough to see exactly how it has carried over to who/how I am today. And I have all the pieces to my puzzle, whereas I'll never truly know 100% of someone else's POV in order to even have a chance at properly analyzing it/them. Never mind that the things I DO feel like I've figured out.... well, it took me a long time to get there. I have to respect that others move in their own timeframe as well. (If ever) I have to accept them as they are & decide what that means for me in terms of boundaries.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: oklahoma
Posts: 85
Oh yeah. Big time. I've gotten better about it but for a while I was like a effed up Sherlock holmes. >_< I knew everything. Evvvveryrhing. That revolved around my A. Even when he wasn't home. When he was at work. When he twisted off. Where he went what he did. How much money he spent. It was bad >_< I would just lay at home and think. About the how's whys what where. What he was thinking. I knew him so well I could calculate where he would go and who he'd run to, to enable him. It really was a voluntary prison now that I think about it. Eventually I started seeing the endless pattern and now I don't care so much.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
The reason I over-analyzed my relationship is that it gave me a false sense of control. When I realized I'm really powerless over other people (what they do, say and think) and saw the relationship for what it is (dysfunctional and harmful to me) I was able to start letting go. It took Alanon and the support I found there.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Overanalizing, future tripping, trying to fix things that aren't mine to fix...yeah....all that. To the point where I was strung like a guitar string, had anxiety, high blood pressure, migraines and insomnia. I shudder to think about the years of my life i've wasted stressing myself out and being stressed out.
We talk about the insanity of alcoholism in here all the time (and it is for sure,) but 3 years ago, I could give my ABF a run for his money on the CRAY! Difference is, that now that I can see how crazy it was, I can (slowly but surely) fix that.
Meditation, exercise, self awareness, and wearing one of those dumb livestrong rubber bracelets have helped me (along with a counselor and SR
). The bracelet - every time I found myself spiraling, I would snap it it against my wrist and say STOP. And then, my brain could move on - with a gentle shove from my non codie voice.
Good luck!!
We talk about the insanity of alcoholism in here all the time (and it is for sure,) but 3 years ago, I could give my ABF a run for his money on the CRAY! Difference is, that now that I can see how crazy it was, I can (slowly but surely) fix that.
Meditation, exercise, self awareness, and wearing one of those dumb livestrong rubber bracelets have helped me (along with a counselor and SR
). The bracelet - every time I found myself spiraling, I would snap it it against my wrist and say STOP. And then, my brain could move on - with a gentle shove from my non codie voice.Good luck!!
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