I keep going to the river to pray 'Cause I need something that can wash all the pain
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: los angeles CA
Posts: 74
I keep going to the river to pray 'Cause I need something that can wash all the pain
So after getting to almost 4 weeks, attending aa meetings, feeling like i could beat this ****...i caved. Its now been 10 days straight, out of librium, starting to get into the harder part of school, saw two dead skinned bodies today for anatomy class and the smell of formaldehyde brought back the pain of my brothers death who died two years ago at 23 from a heroin overdose..the last time i smelled that was viewing his body. Other then that went to a terrible AA meeting where two old men told me if i dont think ive become an alcoholic yet then i need to go and get **** faced in a bar...then all there god talk. i went for support and left with anger obviously im an alcoholic since im there it was just dumb. ive never been a big fan of aa but now im put off. another sad thing is when im drinking my parents tell me how much happier i am and how far ive come and it devastates me that when im sober they think the opposite of me so it feeds my AV....but im crying inside thinking god if you only knew this is me drinking...and you like the person i am when drinking...while there thinking its me sober and there so happy, its so backwards. i ****** up and ive done it enough times last time was the first time i stayed sober for that long in 4 years and yet i find myself here again, no one knows they think im better then i have been in years if they only knew that its because im happy when i drink. also had a long talk about my miscarriage with my mom and cried my eyes out only because the bastard ex bf recently contacted me and still makes me panic every time. I dont want any of you to give me medical advice or all that otherstuff im not a newbie i just needed to vent and im quitting tommorow whether i like it or not...even though i dont have meds but i cant keep this up...i feel awful and we have to dissect a cat on monday for class which is making me want to drink....how many times do i have to fall until i stop doing this **** to myself...i dont know...looking for love and support please no bad comments
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 514
Wow, I'm speechless that a comment like that was made by the two old fellows. Clearly THEY have issues they haven't dealt with and projected them on to you. I'm furious for you!
AA is not the path for me - I can see why it works for many and I'm not knocking it - and I do feel it is sometimes seen to be the only option but there are others. If AA is not working for you it may be worth trying one if the other support groups there are around .
Whatever happened in the last 10 days, you made nearly four weeks sober. That's an achievement so have faith in yourself. You're clearly a strong lady who has had some knocks and not the support you need.
You CAN do this and people here will support you x
AA is not the path for me - I can see why it works for many and I'm not knocking it - and I do feel it is sometimes seen to be the only option but there are others. If AA is not working for you it may be worth trying one if the other support groups there are around .
Whatever happened in the last 10 days, you made nearly four weeks sober. That's an achievement so have faith in yourself. You're clearly a strong lady who has had some knocks and not the support you need.
You CAN do this and people here will support you x
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
According to the Yoruba religion, the spirit of the river is also the deity of love.
They call her Oshun but she has many tittles and many paths.
Go back tomorrow and sit there quietly and watch the water. Ask her to take away the obsession to drink.
You can also bring 5 pennies and a little bit of honey there. According to her devotees, she can be called by ringing a small copper bell.
The water is one manifestation of a power greater than us which can be quite soothing to the soul.
Check out my page if you wish
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/.../carlotta.html
As for tonight, just dump the booze and get some rest.
Gentle blessings to you
They call her Oshun but she has many tittles and many paths.
Go back tomorrow and sit there quietly and watch the water. Ask her to take away the obsession to drink.
You can also bring 5 pennies and a little bit of honey there. According to her devotees, she can be called by ringing a small copper bell.
The water is one manifestation of a power greater than us which can be quite soothing to the soul.
Check out my page if you wish
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/.../carlotta.html
As for tonight, just dump the booze and get some rest.
Gentle blessings to you
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,462
Happier when you're drinking? Yea, I can relate to that. Others might even say the same thing - I'm less stressed out, easier to get along with, roll more with the punches. All because I have my elixir to go home to that night and wash my worries away. Thing is, is that really being 'happy'? I don't think I'd be quitting if drinking was all that great. Yea, it feels great for a few hours, but the next morning and throughout the sober day I'm counting hours, even minutes, til I can finally pour myself that cold beverage. And the cycle starts all over again.
I've been drinking pretty heavily for about 15 years now, with a few brief intermittent periods of sobriety mixed in. We have to relearn how to live without alcohol. That's why we feel so miserable (early on) in sobriety. I've forgotten what it's like not to have that daily obsession of when my next drink will be. Of dealing with life's curveballs without a crutch.
I think most of us, maybe all of us, can relate to your struggle. Hope you finally take a stand and commit to quitting for good. It's hard, you know that. But here's to it all being worth it! Thx for sharing
I've been drinking pretty heavily for about 15 years now, with a few brief intermittent periods of sobriety mixed in. We have to relearn how to live without alcohol. That's why we feel so miserable (early on) in sobriety. I've forgotten what it's like not to have that daily obsession of when my next drink will be. Of dealing with life's curveballs without a crutch.
I think most of us, maybe all of us, can relate to your struggle. Hope you finally take a stand and commit to quitting for good. It's hard, you know that. But here's to it all being worth it! Thx for sharing
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hey Rocky
you had a month more or less...you've got the basics down...you just have to accept it's gonna take a little longer than a month to make this a permanent lifestyle change.
When you have no udea what to do, why not use what worked before - SR and AA.
Sometimes old guys like me are not always the best with tact...don't let the comments of a couple of guys keep you from something that seemed like it was helping.
Drinking is not a sustainable lifestyle...you never would have looked for SR if that was true
You stumbled...but you can pick yourself up and get back into the race, Rocky
D
you had a month more or less...you've got the basics down...you just have to accept it's gonna take a little longer than a month to make this a permanent lifestyle change.
When you have no udea what to do, why not use what worked before - SR and AA.
Sometimes old guys like me are not always the best with tact...don't let the comments of a couple of guys keep you from something that seemed like it was helping.
Drinking is not a sustainable lifestyle...you never would have looked for SR if that was true
You stumbled...but you can pick yourself up and get back into the race, Rocky
D
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
I know how you feel Rocky, I thought for years that I didn't have a problem, mainly because of what alcohol did for me.
alcohol helped me fit in , brought me out of my shell, I could talk to girls, dance, sing, feel like Life was great.
I felt how everyone else looked..... Happy.
Sober, I felt kinda like the world was just a bitch, people were kinda crappy people, shy, socially awkward.
Dunno why really?
Doesn't really matter I don't think.
Seems alcoholism chooses us, not the other way around.
alcohol helped me fit in , brought me out of my shell, I could talk to girls, dance, sing, feel like Life was great.
I felt how everyone else looked..... Happy.
Sober, I felt kinda like the world was just a bitch, people were kinda crappy people, shy, socially awkward.
Dunno why really?
Doesn't really matter I don't think.
Seems alcoholism chooses us, not the other way around.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
The old guys was not good, but just part of the thread that's important.
What I read is painful, possibly unresolved memories of your brothers passing.
Trigger being death. I think we have root cause right there?
Unless you kill the root, your addiction will keep growing back.
I might have something, or maybe not. But that's what I see.
You can do this, find the root cause, work on that! The old guys are just idiots, you will find plenty of those in life, AA or not.
What I read is painful, possibly unresolved memories of your brothers passing.
Trigger being death. I think we have root cause right there?
Unless you kill the root, your addiction will keep growing back.
I might have something, or maybe not. But that's what I see.
You can do this, find the root cause, work on that! The old guys are just idiots, you will find plenty of those in life, AA or not.
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