charis78

Can someone explain what goes on in Alanon? Like is strategies to deal with current A in your life. I'm past that and want to know how to change so I don't get stuck in this dynamic again.

maia1234

C- Its a lot like SR. At ours we read the 12 steps and promises. Then they read out of a book called courage to change or one day at a time. They read the page with the date on it. Then you have a speaker who talks about the steps or a slogan or their personal experience. Once that person has spoken the people in group can discuss what they would like in regards to what the speaker said or they can talk about their A or they don't have to speak at all. We then say the lords prayer. It changed my life coming back to alanon back in january. It saved me.

Its not for everyone, but it was for me. I had been going to therapy for 3 months every week and it did nothing. Going back to alanon gave me the strength and courage to do what I had to do. My self esteem was so low I couldn't lift my head up. I went to 2 alanon meetings a week then 2 open AA meetings a week. I needed it and it worked for me.

You might want to give it a try. The men and women are as wonderful as the people on SR. I hope this helped

LexieCat

Al-Anon uses the same 12 Steps as AA, though the focus tends to be slightly different. 12 Step programs are a great program for healthy living in general. Take responsibility for yourself, don't try to control other people, when you do something wrong try to make it right, be honest, help others as you were helped. That's what the Steps boil down to, for me--the goals or principles they represent. If everyone lived that way the world would be a better place.

CodeJob

I have used a strong mix of counseling, SR and Al Anon. You will find a blend that works for you.

it is definitely checking out a few different meetings! Good luck!

ladyscribbler

I started Alanon after leaving my alcoholic ex. It has helped me change the mindset that used to keep me stuck in dysfunctional relationships- not just romantic relationships, but also with family, friends and even jobs. The twelve steps have offered me a way to change the way I view the world and interact with others, which has really helped, because the common denominator in all my dysfunctional relationships was ME.
Just because the alcoholic is gone out of my life, didn't mean that everything was "fixed." I needed Alanon for myself, like you said, to change my mindset so that I don't get stuck again.
Check out a few meetings and keep an open mind. If you find that one is not a good fit, try a different one.

Spalding

Yeah, there are lots of places to try. There are non alanon meetings as well which you can try and look for? There's also counselling specifically for family members of addicts, and that can definitely help you work on your mindset.
I also know of at least one 6 day codependency treatment type thing in Ontario which may be of help (though I dunno where you live).

zoso77

Al Anon uses a slight variation of the 12 steps of AA and is similar to AA and NA in a lot of respects.

As far as what is discussed, we talk about ourselves and how we've managed to cope in the face of someone else's alcoholism. Speaking personally, Al Anon saved my sanity. Initially, it was pretty scary for me to go into a meeting. But there are a lot of kind people that have been through hell and lived to tell the tale, and they welcome newcomers with kindness and empathy. There are also a lot of wisdom in those meetings, and more often than not, you will hear someone say something that will resonate with you.

Give it a go. You have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain.

kj3880

I always tell people, "Try it for a month, and go to as many different meetings as you can for that one month. If you don't want to stay, we'll cheerfully refund your misery at the door." That's just a funny way of saying that you really have nothing to lose by trying 12-step meetings. I love them, and I am a really, really shy and socially awkward woman. You know what? Going to meetings has made me a lot more comfortable in my own skin. A lot happier. That's what it's all about for me.

honeypig

charis, you've gotten some really good replies here. I remember reading a similar thread to this one some time ago. Near the end of the thread, someone had posted "Alanon meetings are a lot like cooking. You can read recipes all day, but you have to actually make the dish to know how it's going to taste." I thought that summed it up pretty well!

It's good that you're "reading the recipes" here--I'd urge you to go ahead and try "making the dish." As another member said, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Let us know how it goes, OK?

knowthetriggers

What the other members have said is pretty solid. I will only add that I didn't care for Alanon when I first started but I kept going back and learned that it was hard to live my life without it.

Keep and open mind and like the saying says, take what you want and leave the rest.

Wishing you all the best in your search for help.

charis78

Thanks everyone. I would have gone ages ago but I'm worried its going to make me feel bad for him and run back accepting the bs. That's what happened with therapy. That's why I'm looking for something that doesn't focus on alcoholism so much but morr the effects it has on us/ how to heal/ not get stuck etc.

honeypig

This is EXACTLY what Alanon does. You will hear very little about people's A's and a whole lot about their own lives and how they've learned and grown. I think you may find it's just what you're looking for.

knowthetriggers

^^^exactly!^^^

walkinganewpath

I think you've gotten great input on what an Al-Anon meeting is like. Maia explained the exact same format as the meetings I go to. Also just fyi...they pass a basket. I didn't know this at first and usually have no cash. You DO NOT have to contribute but I know I wish I knew beforehand that there was a collection. Bring a dollar or some quarters if you want. And grab as many of the free pamphlets as you apply to you...so helpful.

Also...I have found that the 'old timers' in my meetings tend to talk more about program, the steps, caring for yourself, embracing positivity and gratitude. They seldom talk about their alcoholics (or qualifiers). A lot of them have alcoholics who have been sober for years. Some are women whose husbands are now sober but their sons/daughters are alcoholics. Quite often there is a discussion about how the program has helped in other ways - with jobs, the cashier at the grocery store and other frustrations. I can see how much of a life program it has been for a lot of the folks in my meeting. I'm living with active alcoholism and am nowhere close to that level of recovery but even I try to apply my learnings to my non alcoholic relationships and daily encounters as well as caring for myself.

I had a meeting yesterday and I was sitting there listening and realizing how much wisdom there was at the table and how intelligent, articulate and compassionate so many of the people sharing were. I think if you are on the path to learning more about yourself, your relationships (past and future) and how to live a better fuller life you might find it very helpful.

SHETRIM

Thank you for asking the question very helpful responses
Good luck to you I am off to Al-anon tonight