Finding Room for SR...
Sober Soldier
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
Finding Room for SR...
Hello everyone!
I am looking for some suggestions for how to be regularly active on SR in the midst of the hustle and bustle of a busy life.
After a stressful holiday season in which I had a little, albeit challenging, lapse in drinking, I decided to give myself the month of January off from most things. I gave myself a sort of "vacation from life" so to speak. And it was great. I got a lot of overdue relaxation, got a lot of reading done, met an awesome girl, and laid out a plan to make 2015 "my year". And just as importantly, I was on here every single day posting as much as I could. And that was very beneficial to me, and I hope I was able to help a few people out in return.
Now, it's February. It's time to get after those goals I laid out for myself. And man am I busy, but in a good way. I am excited about all of the changes that are occurring. I am going back to school. I have begun volunteering, which has already led to several leads for job opportunities. I am spending a lot of time with the above mentioned lovely lady. And of course I am doing all this while maintaining a full-time work schedule.
And that leaves SR. The impact that this website has had on my life is remarkable. It may well have saved me from continuing down a path that could have potentially destroyed my life. I almost feel like all of you are a second family, and if I could meet each one of you in person and shake your hand and say, "Thank you," I would. But over the last week I have found it difficult to keep up the habit of posting frequently. I have maybe posted about 5-6 times in the last 8 days.
I don't want this to fall to the back burner, but it's tough. I am pursuing happiness, and I have no doubt that the year ahead holds many challenges for me. If I am going to get through them, I am going to need you all behind me to help keep me focused.
I guess in all honesty this post is more to let you know that I have not forgotten about this place and never will. But I just don't know how to stay as active as I want to on here with all this other stuff going on. How do others do it? Suggestions are welcome!
More power to you!
I am looking for some suggestions for how to be regularly active on SR in the midst of the hustle and bustle of a busy life.
After a stressful holiday season in which I had a little, albeit challenging, lapse in drinking, I decided to give myself the month of January off from most things. I gave myself a sort of "vacation from life" so to speak. And it was great. I got a lot of overdue relaxation, got a lot of reading done, met an awesome girl, and laid out a plan to make 2015 "my year". And just as importantly, I was on here every single day posting as much as I could. And that was very beneficial to me, and I hope I was able to help a few people out in return.
Now, it's February. It's time to get after those goals I laid out for myself. And man am I busy, but in a good way. I am excited about all of the changes that are occurring. I am going back to school. I have begun volunteering, which has already led to several leads for job opportunities. I am spending a lot of time with the above mentioned lovely lady. And of course I am doing all this while maintaining a full-time work schedule.
And that leaves SR. The impact that this website has had on my life is remarkable. It may well have saved me from continuing down a path that could have potentially destroyed my life. I almost feel like all of you are a second family, and if I could meet each one of you in person and shake your hand and say, "Thank you," I would. But over the last week I have found it difficult to keep up the habit of posting frequently. I have maybe posted about 5-6 times in the last 8 days.
I don't want this to fall to the back burner, but it's tough. I am pursuing happiness, and I have no doubt that the year ahead holds many challenges for me. If I am going to get through them, I am going to need you all behind me to help keep me focused.
I guess in all honesty this post is more to let you know that I have not forgotten about this place and never will. But I just don't know how to stay as active as I want to on here with all this other stuff going on. How do others do it? Suggestions are welcome!
More power to you!
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Sometimes I wonder when people fall off the board if they have relapsed or if they are just moving on with their lives. When I'm not around it's usually because things are going well and I'm busy living my life. Right now I'm bedridden and struggling so here I am.
Even when I'm busy I try to check in daily and do a quick post even if just to be silly or share like I'm doing now. When I've disappeared for a week or so I end up with a PM asking if I'm okay. Random people. It's honestly one of the things that keeps me coming back. There are a lot of absolutely wonderful and sweet people lurking around this forum.
One thing for sure, not drinking creates time to do other things. You'll stick around if it's of value to you. Otherwise, I for one just hope if you don't stick around it's because you're moving on in a positive direction. That's more than okay.
Even when I'm busy I try to check in daily and do a quick post even if just to be silly or share like I'm doing now. When I've disappeared for a week or so I end up with a PM asking if I'm okay. Random people. It's honestly one of the things that keeps me coming back. There are a lot of absolutely wonderful and sweet people lurking around this forum.
One thing for sure, not drinking creates time to do other things. You'll stick around if it's of value to you. Otherwise, I for one just hope if you don't stick around it's because you're moving on in a positive direction. That's more than okay.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
People usually find the time to do the things that are most important to them, the things they are passionate about.
If you're passionate about your sobriety, if it's important to you, you'll do the things that support that.
If you're passionate about your sobriety, if it's important to you, you'll do the things that support that.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
For me, balance is really important to all parts of my life.
I am on and off the board throughout the day, interspersed with all the other stuff going on in my life. I would caution you to not be so busy as to neglect your recovery. It sounds like you have lots of good things happening in your life, and I hope you continue to have time to check in here.
I am on and off the board throughout the day, interspersed with all the other stuff going on in my life. I would caution you to not be so busy as to neglect your recovery. It sounds like you have lots of good things happening in your life, and I hope you continue to have time to check in here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
As busy as you think you are, you have time to come here if its important to you. Think about how much time you had to drink. Did you let a busy life stand in the way of drinking or did you incorporate one into the other? Substitute SR for alcohol and incorporate it into your life.
When I wake up I check on SR while having a cup of coffee. I have down time at work so I check for a few minutes. I take the train into the office so I check while commuting. At the end of the day when my kids are in bed I check again. It keeps me mindful. And I have a busy life. Full time job, two kids under ten, their activities, household chores and not much assistance from a husband who isn't currently employed and is in active relapse mode. So. It can be done if its wanted and needed.
Sounds like your life is coming together and that's great. We will see you around.
When I wake up I check on SR while having a cup of coffee. I have down time at work so I check for a few minutes. I take the train into the office so I check while commuting. At the end of the day when my kids are in bed I check again. It keeps me mindful. And I have a busy life. Full time job, two kids under ten, their activities, household chores and not much assistance from a husband who isn't currently employed and is in active relapse mode. So. It can be done if its wanted and needed.
Sounds like your life is coming together and that's great. We will see you around.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,840
It's great to hear that things are going so well, mns.
I hope you keep your sobriety efforts 'front and center'. Sobriety adds a strong layer of protection when it comes to preserving the goodness in our lives and enhancing the beautiful futures to which we aspire.
Your posts are always full of strong support and wisdom. I hope to see them for a long time to come.
I hope you keep your sobriety efforts 'front and center'. Sobriety adds a strong layer of protection when it comes to preserving the goodness in our lives and enhancing the beautiful futures to which we aspire.
Your posts are always full of strong support and wisdom. I hope to see them for a long time to come.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
one thing i've noticed is that lots of people who come back after a relapse say that they had stopped doing the things that allowed them to be sober and okay in the first place.
seems a common factor.
kinda like: if you go to the gym and eat right and are in good shape, you wouldn't really expect to stay in that shape if you quit doing the things that make that happen.
just something to think about. especially after I had a little, albeit challenging, lapse in drinking,.
seems a common factor.
kinda like: if you go to the gym and eat right and are in good shape, you wouldn't really expect to stay in that shape if you quit doing the things that make that happen.
just something to think about. especially after I had a little, albeit challenging, lapse in drinking,.
Sober Soldier
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
Thank you for the insight and wisdom everyone.
The consensus seems to be that if my sobriety is important to me, then I will find time for the things that contribute to me staying sober. I couldn't agree more and SR is important to my sobriety.
The truth is, I first got sober in September of 2012 after about 3 years of drinking myself to sleep every night. And granted, the vast majority of the time since I have spent sober. But alas, the four times I relapsed were likely indicators that there was more to staying sober than simply not drinking. There was a piece of the puzzle I was missing.
And that is what I am trying to do now, fill in the missing pieces of the puzzle. I am taking on these new endeavors because I want to move on with a fulfilling life and put my dark days of slavery to a substance behind me, and I believe they will help me do that. In all honesty, as great as this place is, my ideal life would be one in which I do not need to check in to a place like this in order to help keep myself from doing something self-destructive. That's one of the reasons I do not use things like AA. I am not powerless over alcohol and I will be damned if drinking or the possibility of drinking is going to keep me from doing everything that I want to do with my life. No intent to bash AA or similar programs, as I know they help so many people. I am merely voicing my opinion for the sake of my point.
But I love this website and I think the biggest thing it has helped me do is forgive myself for my drinking problems. I learned here that alcoholics are not bad people, but actually good people who simply went down the wrong path. And we all have the ability to find our way back to the right one. There is so much love and support here and that is the main reason that I want to find time for it. Because we don't just help each other stay sober, we help each other live life. And that to me is the important thing.
So here is what I will do. I will post here as often as I can. Even if it is a silly little post here and there. Even if I only have time to post in one thread, I will do it if I have a moment. I will do the best I can. Because if there is one thing I am passionate about, it is my hatred for alcohol and what it has done to me and what it does to the lives of others. If I can help other people see this, I will do it to the best of my ability.
I'll be around!
The consensus seems to be that if my sobriety is important to me, then I will find time for the things that contribute to me staying sober. I couldn't agree more and SR is important to my sobriety.
The truth is, I first got sober in September of 2012 after about 3 years of drinking myself to sleep every night. And granted, the vast majority of the time since I have spent sober. But alas, the four times I relapsed were likely indicators that there was more to staying sober than simply not drinking. There was a piece of the puzzle I was missing.
And that is what I am trying to do now, fill in the missing pieces of the puzzle. I am taking on these new endeavors because I want to move on with a fulfilling life and put my dark days of slavery to a substance behind me, and I believe they will help me do that. In all honesty, as great as this place is, my ideal life would be one in which I do not need to check in to a place like this in order to help keep myself from doing something self-destructive. That's one of the reasons I do not use things like AA. I am not powerless over alcohol and I will be damned if drinking or the possibility of drinking is going to keep me from doing everything that I want to do with my life. No intent to bash AA or similar programs, as I know they help so many people. I am merely voicing my opinion for the sake of my point.
But I love this website and I think the biggest thing it has helped me do is forgive myself for my drinking problems. I learned here that alcoholics are not bad people, but actually good people who simply went down the wrong path. And we all have the ability to find our way back to the right one. There is so much love and support here and that is the main reason that I want to find time for it. Because we don't just help each other stay sober, we help each other live life. And that to me is the important thing.
So here is what I will do. I will post here as often as I can. Even if it is a silly little post here and there. Even if I only have time to post in one thread, I will do it if I have a moment. I will do the best I can. Because if there is one thing I am passionate about, it is my hatred for alcohol and what it has done to me and what it does to the lives of others. If I can help other people see this, I will do it to the best of my ability.
I'll be around!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi mns.
I've learned that for me, it's best to be consistent with participation and contributions in whatever it important and meaningful for me. When I stop or take long breaks, it often has a sort of domino effect and other things also start to pile up in my life... so I like to let things flow with a certain level of regularity. This is how I've been using SR during the past ~year, and there is no way of testing it backwards, but I can only say I've remained sober.
I also work full time, and have a job that requires a lot of my attention. I really struggled in the beginning of my sobriety, how to balance my work and other areas of my life with what I'm doing for my recovery. My main reason for not choosing to truly participate in AA, for example, was this: it would have been tricky to coordinate that in time and space. SR is great for me because I can use it whenever and wherever. So I've kinda learned to work and "do" SR in parallel... I always need to do a lot of work on the computer (data analysis, writing, etc) so it's not too hard in logistics. I learned to go back and forth between my work and the forum. And when I'm not in the office or at home, I have my phone and my iPad. It was frustrating a little in the beginning, because I was so used to obsessive focus and attention, being hooked on one thing... so splitting my attention is actually doing good to me. I would not be able to do the same with the same intensity in a f2f recovery program or not easily.
I also find that having developed a few consistent habits in my new sober life is very helpful, because my drinking life was so chaotic for years.
Just my experiences
I've learned that for me, it's best to be consistent with participation and contributions in whatever it important and meaningful for me. When I stop or take long breaks, it often has a sort of domino effect and other things also start to pile up in my life... so I like to let things flow with a certain level of regularity. This is how I've been using SR during the past ~year, and there is no way of testing it backwards, but I can only say I've remained sober.
I also work full time, and have a job that requires a lot of my attention. I really struggled in the beginning of my sobriety, how to balance my work and other areas of my life with what I'm doing for my recovery. My main reason for not choosing to truly participate in AA, for example, was this: it would have been tricky to coordinate that in time and space. SR is great for me because I can use it whenever and wherever. So I've kinda learned to work and "do" SR in parallel... I always need to do a lot of work on the computer (data analysis, writing, etc) so it's not too hard in logistics. I learned to go back and forth between my work and the forum. And when I'm not in the office or at home, I have my phone and my iPad. It was frustrating a little in the beginning, because I was so used to obsessive focus and attention, being hooked on one thing... so splitting my attention is actually doing good to me. I would not be able to do the same with the same intensity in a f2f recovery program or not easily.
I also find that having developed a few consistent habits in my new sober life is very helpful, because my drinking life was so chaotic for years.
Just my experiences
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
When I stopped drinking I had roughly 5 extra hours of time a day because I wasn't watching youtube videos or surfing the net drink.
That's not even accounting for the two extra days I gained on weekends. I was as productive during hangovers as someone with the flu, on the couch, half awake.
Put as much yime and effort into sobriety as you did drinking and you're good to go.
Many of us have busy lives as well. I think a daily reminder is important.
That's not even accounting for the two extra days I gained on weekends. I was as productive during hangovers as someone with the flu, on the couch, half awake.
Put as much yime and effort into sobriety as you did drinking and you're good to go.
Many of us have busy lives as well. I think a daily reminder is important.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
I agree with the sobriety first advice above, but also wanted to comment that we have a tendency (as humans, but particularly in our contemporary culture) to see things as commitments and make plans and pencil it in and schedule it up and make a list and check things off the list, and...and...
It becomes a breathless and desensitizing activity oriented definition of self. I find it reflected in social media, where we are relentlessly chronicling our activities in posts and photos. Look - I am busy with positive things! Look - I am loved by all the other people in this photo, who are gathered around me! Look - my life is full and has meaning...please, look...I'm okay...
And inside all of that healthy connection and activity, we rank our priorities - both in people and in projects. But those rankings can change every day and still be healthy. There are a zillion shapes of sober lives and a zillion means of sobriety support...
I want to suggest that we can CYCLE in and out of interests and where we put our energies. Recovery looks different for me today than it did yesterday. In a year, it might be unrecognizable.
I have had periods of my life in which I have attended many 12-step meetings. Right now, that is not part of my recovery (at that level). I go once or twice a week, and that is just perfect for me. There have been times that I'm on SR multiple times a day, and weeks where I barely check in and just read a post or two. There are times when fitness dominates my recovery, times when spiritual practice fills it, times when formal recovery activities are the shape of my life, and other times when I'm working really hard at my job and that too is part of my recovery. As is love. Learning a relationship sober. As is a clean and cozy house. As are the many friendships I've healed by spending time with people (I was an isolative drinker, so much of my sobriety themes are about community and reconnection).
Our sobriety is now the skin we wear as we move through the world. At some point - actually from the first moment that we really decide on it - it becomes us. Sobriety isn't a linear march toward the great life. It is life. It already has happened. Since none of us knows what tomorrow might bring, today may already be the pinnacle!
So, cycle in and cycle out, learn and grow and love, and keep visiting when you can and when you want to. You are a valued member of this community. I know you've given me excellent advice at times, and I've grown from feedback and encouragement that you've posted for others. Thank you.
It becomes a breathless and desensitizing activity oriented definition of self. I find it reflected in social media, where we are relentlessly chronicling our activities in posts and photos. Look - I am busy with positive things! Look - I am loved by all the other people in this photo, who are gathered around me! Look - my life is full and has meaning...please, look...I'm okay...
And inside all of that healthy connection and activity, we rank our priorities - both in people and in projects. But those rankings can change every day and still be healthy. There are a zillion shapes of sober lives and a zillion means of sobriety support...
I want to suggest that we can CYCLE in and out of interests and where we put our energies. Recovery looks different for me today than it did yesterday. In a year, it might be unrecognizable.
I have had periods of my life in which I have attended many 12-step meetings. Right now, that is not part of my recovery (at that level). I go once or twice a week, and that is just perfect for me. There have been times that I'm on SR multiple times a day, and weeks where I barely check in and just read a post or two. There are times when fitness dominates my recovery, times when spiritual practice fills it, times when formal recovery activities are the shape of my life, and other times when I'm working really hard at my job and that too is part of my recovery. As is love. Learning a relationship sober. As is a clean and cozy house. As are the many friendships I've healed by spending time with people (I was an isolative drinker, so much of my sobriety themes are about community and reconnection).
Our sobriety is now the skin we wear as we move through the world. At some point - actually from the first moment that we really decide on it - it becomes us. Sobriety isn't a linear march toward the great life. It is life. It already has happened. Since none of us knows what tomorrow might bring, today may already be the pinnacle!
So, cycle in and cycle out, learn and grow and love, and keep visiting when you can and when you want to. You are a valued member of this community. I know you've given me excellent advice at times, and I've grown from feedback and encouragement that you've posted for others. Thank you.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
The cycles work for me, as Heartcore mentioned above. I've taken a break from SR. It was needed. And now I'm back and doing better than ever.
Some people need cycles. Some need routine and consistency.
Above all, we all need to stay sober
Some people need cycles. Some need routine and consistency.
Above all, we all need to stay sober
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
I'm busy as hell as well. Yikes! Say that 3 times fast. LOL!
My trick is that I yanked the SR app on my phone. So during the day, for example waiting for something, like my lunch warming up at work, I read a couple of posts, post a short encouragement message.
I've actually grown dependant on SR. People here are like family to me.
Only place were I feel I can be myself, accepted and not judged. Plus when I get to help someone, it makes my day.
My trick is that I yanked the SR app on my phone. So during the day, for example waiting for something, like my lunch warming up at work, I read a couple of posts, post a short encouragement message.
I've actually grown dependant on SR. People here are like family to me.
Only place were I feel I can be myself, accepted and not judged. Plus when I get to help someone, it makes my day.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
I am not sure, this year I am really busy as opposed to last year when everything I did was based around trying to anchor sobriety down and heal.
So far this year with work, family, unwell family, socialising, study and a new business venture.
.....I was thinking a lot about SR and the brief visits I was making due to the daily workload and it bothered me....I feel it is still early days at 15 months sober, I am far from immune to temptation and the skanky old AV entering my head with a lot of dribble....I don't want to neglect the very part of my life that has the very real potential to derail the positive things in my life.
...So I made a 'Vision board'...first one ever, I have a few goals and bucket list things that I would like to achieve..SR is on it...adding SR means making the time to be active in support and supported.......and seriously who wouldn't want to come here and hang out with such an awesome bunch of people....
So far this year with work, family, unwell family, socialising, study and a new business venture.
.....I was thinking a lot about SR and the brief visits I was making due to the daily workload and it bothered me....I feel it is still early days at 15 months sober, I am far from immune to temptation and the skanky old AV entering my head with a lot of dribble....I don't want to neglect the very part of my life that has the very real potential to derail the positive things in my life.
...So I made a 'Vision board'...first one ever, I have a few goals and bucket list things that I would like to achieve..SR is on it...adding SR means making the time to be active in support and supported.......and seriously who wouldn't want to come here and hang out with such an awesome bunch of people....
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
