I need some advice.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 3
I need some advice.
Hi guys,
A little background; I'm a new member here, my name is Matt, and I'm 24, from the UK.
I lost my father just over a year ago to drink at the age of 54. I loved my dad so very, very much. He was good man, and wasn't really a violent/angry drunk, just a bitter one. I saw him just after Christmas, went around the next day to find him dead on the floor, and it's something I will never forget. I'm still dealing with my own head now, getting help, still thinking about the things I could have done to help him more. I wish I had thought to come to this place before when he was alive, and he might have finally been able to beat it with my help.
Fast forward to today. I often go for a walk around the block near my office to get a break and have a cigarette - there's a shop, and a lot of houses round here.
As I was walking, I passed a man in his 50s (I'll call him P from now on) who looked like he was struggling to walk. I don't mean limping a bit, I mean full-on could barely go on. I asked him if he needed help, and I ended up helping him (albeit it slowly) walk to his home a short while away where I come in and make sure he's alright.
P reminds me of my dad in so many ways. The way he looks, talks, dresses, how his home was... everything.
I find out that he's struggling with some bad spine problems, and has a carer that comes round fairly often, but he tries to get to the shop to get a bit of food and such fairly regularly.
I jot my number down on a bit of paper and tell him that if he ever needs anything, to give me a call. I offer to get him anything he needs from the shops when I leave the office before I go home.
I'm hit like a tonne of bricks when he asks for a half-bottle of Vodka. He immediately tells me that he's an alcoholic who wants to stop, but he drinks because it helps ease the boredom and the pain, and whenever he tries to cut down or stop the drinking he gets terrible pains in his stomach. He tells me that his wife died two years prior from cancer and they never got to have the children they wanted, and he has no other family. He has been drinking since his wife died, and only had the odd drink on occasion before.
I'm absolutely heartbroken and torn, guys.
On one side, I want nothing other than to help him. To give him some sort of light in his life - this man that I met no more than 8 hours ago and who I barely know anything about. I gave him my number and offered him help before finding out about his alcoholism, and now I don't know what to do. I almost feel like I could redeem myself if I could help, which may sound stupid, but it's how I feel.
On the other side, I don't know if I can or should get involved. I think now that I've offered help and he has asked for it (in the form of a bottle of Vodka) I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of not helping him, even though I know I'd only be fuelling his addiction.
I need some advice from the people that have been there, on both sides.
Thankyou.
Matt
A little background; I'm a new member here, my name is Matt, and I'm 24, from the UK.
I lost my father just over a year ago to drink at the age of 54. I loved my dad so very, very much. He was good man, and wasn't really a violent/angry drunk, just a bitter one. I saw him just after Christmas, went around the next day to find him dead on the floor, and it's something I will never forget. I'm still dealing with my own head now, getting help, still thinking about the things I could have done to help him more. I wish I had thought to come to this place before when he was alive, and he might have finally been able to beat it with my help.
Fast forward to today. I often go for a walk around the block near my office to get a break and have a cigarette - there's a shop, and a lot of houses round here.
As I was walking, I passed a man in his 50s (I'll call him P from now on) who looked like he was struggling to walk. I don't mean limping a bit, I mean full-on could barely go on. I asked him if he needed help, and I ended up helping him (albeit it slowly) walk to his home a short while away where I come in and make sure he's alright.
P reminds me of my dad in so many ways. The way he looks, talks, dresses, how his home was... everything.
I find out that he's struggling with some bad spine problems, and has a carer that comes round fairly often, but he tries to get to the shop to get a bit of food and such fairly regularly.
I jot my number down on a bit of paper and tell him that if he ever needs anything, to give me a call. I offer to get him anything he needs from the shops when I leave the office before I go home.
I'm hit like a tonne of bricks when he asks for a half-bottle of Vodka. He immediately tells me that he's an alcoholic who wants to stop, but he drinks because it helps ease the boredom and the pain, and whenever he tries to cut down or stop the drinking he gets terrible pains in his stomach. He tells me that his wife died two years prior from cancer and they never got to have the children they wanted, and he has no other family. He has been drinking since his wife died, and only had the odd drink on occasion before.
I'm absolutely heartbroken and torn, guys.
On one side, I want nothing other than to help him. To give him some sort of light in his life - this man that I met no more than 8 hours ago and who I barely know anything about. I gave him my number and offered him help before finding out about his alcoholism, and now I don't know what to do. I almost feel like I could redeem myself if I could help, which may sound stupid, but it's how I feel.
On the other side, I don't know if I can or should get involved. I think now that I've offered help and he has asked for it (in the form of a bottle of Vodka) I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of not helping him, even though I know I'd only be fuelling his addiction.
I need some advice from the people that have been there, on both sides.
Thankyou.
Matt
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Welcome, matt. I'm so sorry about your Dad. it must have been incredibly hard to be the person who found him. I understand the feelings that you have, and I think it is great to express them, but truly you could not have saved your Dad - he needed to find that for himself. I think if you take the time to read here, especially the "stickies" posted at the top of the menu for the forum, you'll find information on some of the reasons for this sad truth.
As to the man you met, first I think it is wonderful that you offered him help - the world needs more people who reach out to others. Perhaps you could let this man know that you have seen the pain that alcoholism brings to all and that you cannot therefore "help" him by buying him alcohol, but you are willing to help him to get to some place where he can find help for his condition?
I hope you will keep reading and posting here, there's lots of valuable support.
As to the man you met, first I think it is wonderful that you offered him help - the world needs more people who reach out to others. Perhaps you could let this man know that you have seen the pain that alcoholism brings to all and that you cannot therefore "help" him by buying him alcohol, but you are willing to help him to get to some place where he can find help for his condition?
I hope you will keep reading and posting here, there's lots of valuable support.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Hi Matt...you sound like such a sweet guy with a great heart, but...you couldn't have done one thing to help your dad with his alcoholism. You shouldn't carry that burden in your heart and head, because it just simply isn't true. Please read the top of Friends and Family Forum, the permanent posts about alcoholism so you can learn there is nothing you could have done.
This new gentleman you've met/helped, P; it's the same thing. You cannot help him with his alcoholism. Alcoholism is only corrected by the alcoholic when they decide to get help. There is nothing, not you moving heaven and earth, that will change them until it is their decision. I've had to learn that the hard way.
Alcoholism is insidious; it destroys everything in it's path, or at least tries to. Don't let those thoughts harm you anymore, especially that you could possibly have any control over the outcome of someones drinking. Finding SR any sooner would not have helped your dad not be an alcoholic, but SR WILL help you on your journey to recovering from that thinking.
Hugs...I know this is hard. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. I lost my mother 2 years ago and there is nothing anyone can say to lessen this kind of loss. Time will heal and put into perspective all that can't be chewed and digested right now.
I hope you have some other support around you. If not, SR is a great place to find personal healing.
This new gentleman you've met/helped, P; it's the same thing. You cannot help him with his alcoholism. Alcoholism is only corrected by the alcoholic when they decide to get help. There is nothing, not you moving heaven and earth, that will change them until it is their decision. I've had to learn that the hard way.
Alcoholism is insidious; it destroys everything in it's path, or at least tries to. Don't let those thoughts harm you anymore, especially that you could possibly have any control over the outcome of someones drinking. Finding SR any sooner would not have helped your dad not be an alcoholic, but SR WILL help you on your journey to recovering from that thinking.
Hugs...I know this is hard. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. I lost my mother 2 years ago and there is nothing anyone can say to lessen this kind of loss. Time will heal and put into perspective all that can't be chewed and digested right now.
I hope you have some other support around you. If not, SR is a great place to find personal healing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by greeteachday 
Welcome, matt. I'm so sorry about your Dad. it must have been incredibly hard to be the person who found him. I understand the feelings that you have, and I think it is great to express them, but truly you could not have saved your Dad - he needed to find that for himself. I think if you take the time to read here, especially the "stickies" posted at the top of the menu for the forum, you'll find information on some of the reasons for this sad truth.
As to the man you met, first I think it is wonderful that you offered him help - the world needs more people who reach out to others. Perhaps you could let this man know that you have seen the pain that alcoholism brings to all and that you cannot therefore "help" him by buying him alcohol, but you are willing to help him to get to some place where he can find help for his condition?
I hope you will keep reading and posting here, there's lots of valuable support.
As to the man you met, first I think it is wonderful that you offered him help - the world needs more people who reach out to others. Perhaps you could let this man know that you have seen the pain that alcoholism brings to all and that you cannot therefore "help" him by buying him alcohol, but you are willing to help him to get to some place where he can find help for his condition?
I hope you will keep reading and posting here, there's lots of valuable support.
In regards to P - I think I will do that. After giving it some thought and reading your response several times, I don't want enabling him on my conscience. I was manipulated into doing that for my dad and I don't want to do it again, especially for someone I don't really know.
What I will say is though, I did speak a bit about alcoholism and my experiences with my dad to P when we were talking after he explained his situation.
From what I know of him, he's due to go in for some operation on his spine soon, and whenever he tries to stop drinking he gets awful pains. He has seen his GP who has told him that he needs to stop the drinking, but I don't know what help (if any) he has been seeking or has been offered.
Mx
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 588
If the world had more people like you in it, it would surely be a better place(((hugs)))
I have nothing to add that the wonderful people in this group haven't touched on. Be a friend, but don't enable is the best course. Well done!
I have nothing to add that the wonderful people in this group haven't touched on. Be a friend, but don't enable is the best course. Well done!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by Katchie
Hi Matt...you sound like such a sweet guy with a great heart, but...you couldn't have done one thing to help your dad with his alcoholism. You shouldn't carry that burden in your heart and head, because it just simply isn't true. Please read the top of Friends and Family Forum, the permanent posts about alcoholism so you can learn there is nothing you could have done.
This new gentleman you've met/helped, P; it's the same thing. You cannot help him with his alcoholism. Alcoholism is only corrected by the alcoholic when they decide to get help. There is nothing, not you moving heaven and earth, that will change them until it is their decision. I've had to learn that the hard way.
Alcoholism is insidious; it destroys everything in it's path, or at least tries to. Don't let those thoughts harm you anymore, especially that you could possibly have any control over the outcome of someones drinking. Finding SR any sooner would not have helped your dad not be an alcoholic, but SR WILL help you on your journey to recovering from that thinking.
Hugs...I know this is hard. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. I lost my mother 2 years ago and there is nothing anyone can say to lessen this kind of loss. Time will heal and put into perspective all that can't be chewed and digested right now.
I hope you have some other support around you. If not, SR is a great place to find personal healing.
This new gentleman you've met/helped, P; it's the same thing. You cannot help him with his alcoholism. Alcoholism is only corrected by the alcoholic when they decide to get help. There is nothing, not you moving heaven and earth, that will change them until it is their decision. I've had to learn that the hard way.
Alcoholism is insidious; it destroys everything in it's path, or at least tries to. Don't let those thoughts harm you anymore, especially that you could possibly have any control over the outcome of someones drinking. Finding SR any sooner would not have helped your dad not be an alcoholic, but SR WILL help you on your journey to recovering from that thinking.
Hugs...I know this is hard. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad. I lost my mother 2 years ago and there is nothing anyone can say to lessen this kind of loss. Time will heal and put into perspective all that can't be chewed and digested right now.
I hope you have some other support around you. If not, SR is a great place to find personal healing.
On the subject of my own father, it's not just the long road of alcoholism that killed him that I feel like I could change - it was the specific 24 hours leading up to his death where I always feel like I could have done more.
I saw my dad probably around 12-14 hours before he died. He'd been in hospital for Pneumonia about 8 months previously, which was most likely caused by his absolute inability to look after himself when he was drinking. When he came out of hospital he was sober for a while, and then I found out he was drinking again. He soon spiralled downhill, drinking a lot and getting thinner and more sickly. The day before he died, I knew he was quite unwell. He looked terrible. I called his Doctor and implored him to come, or send someone round, but instead booked him an appointment for Monday (the 30th - he passed away on the 28th). Unable to do anything else, I went to the shops, bought him food, some orange juice and an electronic cigarette so he could give his normal roll-ups a rest, and went back to my own home where I went to bed at about 10.
I randomly woke up at about 2am, and had a horrible feeling. I don't know why. I sent my dad a text asking him if he was OK, and normally he replied right back, but when he didn't I just thought he must have fallen asleep.
I woke up the next day, had a cup of coffee, and my mum (my parents were divorced for many years) got a call from my younger brother who had had a really bad night sleep. My brother had gone to a cafe near where he worked and there was one of his photos in the cafe (he knew the owners and was an amateur photographer). The photo had fallen down during the night and the glass had smashed. He'd also tried to call Dad that morning and hadn't got through, so naturally was a bit worried. I got in my car, and went round, to find him dead. Official cause of death was split between his liver going schizo and the pneumonia resurfacing.
To be completely honest, I don't have anyone in my life who really understands it or has been through anything similar. I've been to my doctors and have been prescribed things for PTSD and Depression that are gradually helping, but it's still hard.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Matt, I am so sorry for what you are dealing with. My brother in law found my mother in law dead 2 years ago and he still struggles with it but time has helped him and he has worked through much of the trauma from the event. I was the last person to talk to her before she passed. She was an alcoholic and was not taking care of her health. It's sad to watch someone deteriorate right before your eyes. I loved my mother in law, she was always very supportive and funny and kind. My own father died 3 years ago and he was an alcoholic too. His alcoholism and addiction to smoking were cutting his circulation and he did wind up dying a slow and painful death. I learned to separate the disease of alcoholism from the person. I am glad to hear that you loved your dad and knew what you were dealing with when it came to who he was.
I have no words of advice except to tell you that if you find an Al Anon meeting you will find people who know what you are dealing with and who have been where you are. Sending you peace and support today!
I have no words of advice except to tell you that if you find an Al Anon meeting you will find people who know what you are dealing with and who have been where you are. Sending you peace and support today!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Matt, I'm so sorry about your dad...ugg and that you had to deal with his alcoholism. It's SO painful. I agree with Katchie - you are such a good person to want to help P, but I think to protect yourself, only offering to give him information on help - or get him to help if he wants to go is the best thing you can do. Just sending you (((HUGS))) and hopes for some peace and serenity. Be good to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Sounds like you did all you could. I hope one day you will be able to see that. Otherwise, don't get overwhelmed by all the info here. Just read a little, chew on it, and digest when you're ready. One day at a time. You'll be OK in time...hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Washington
Posts: 54
It's hard to remember how much we truly loved these people because of the hate for alcoholism. My mother committed suicide, my father cancer, my grandfather had diabetes and kidney failure and my husband is jobless and homeless: waiting for the call he is dead any day. Alcoholism is so painful because all we can do is love, wait , AND TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES. We are all responsible for the choices WE make. Hugs to you for your kind heart. There are places where your efforts can be used to help those that want it. Good luck and keep coming back.
Baby Steps
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Matt I am so sorry about your dad and I agree with everyone else there was nothing you could have done to help your dad and it is the same with P, you can't stop him from drinking, maybe you could say to him that you are happy to get him food or anything else he needs from the shop but not alcohol, or you could offer to find supports for him.
I am just wondering and please forgive me if I've completely got this wrong but do you think that on some level you think that by helping P you may be able to forgive yourself as you feel that you couldn't help your dad? You sound like a very genuine person who wants to help this man and you couldn't have done anything more for your dad.
(((((Hugs)))))
I am just wondering and please forgive me if I've completely got this wrong but do you think that on some level you think that by helping P you may be able to forgive yourself as you feel that you couldn't help your dad? You sound like a very genuine person who wants to help this man and you couldn't have done anything more for your dad.
(((((Hugs)))))
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Matt, I kind of agree with Butterfly. I hate to say this, but like all of us here, you are a codie and an enabler. You want to help, you have a big heart.
That is awesome, but I feel you need to mourn the loss of your Dad, as a child of an alcoholic, before you tackle someone else's issues. Get some help, keep reading SR, hit some open AA meetings. You need to get healthy before you can help him or yourself.
You have to forgive yourself as there is no way that you could have helped your Dad in anyway from dying. God has plan for all of us, he doesn't tell us what it is, but it is his plan.
((((hugs and welcome))))))
That is awesome, but I feel you need to mourn the loss of your Dad, as a child of an alcoholic, before you tackle someone else's issues. Get some help, keep reading SR, hit some open AA meetings. You need to get healthy before you can help him or yourself.
You have to forgive yourself as there is no way that you could have helped your Dad in anyway from dying. God has plan for all of us, he doesn't tell us what it is, but it is his plan.
((((hugs and welcome))))))
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I'll read through the permanent posts shortly, but I'm getting a bit overwhelmed. Today has resurfaced a lot of memories I was trying to let go, and bringing back a lot of feelings I hadn't felt in a while.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: UK and Australia
Posts: 447
Hi Matt
Welcome to SR.
I am so glad you found us! And like us all I am sorry for the reason you are here.
Not much to add to all the above posts but just wanted to let you know you will learn so much here.
Keep reading and keep coming back.
It makes such a difference to be amongst people who get it.
I am also in the UK.
Take care Phiz
Welcome to SR.
I am so glad you found us! And like us all I am sorry for the reason you are here.
Not much to add to all the above posts but just wanted to let you know you will learn so much here.
Keep reading and keep coming back.
It makes such a difference to be amongst people who get it.
I am also in the UK.
Take care Phiz
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 138
I don't really have anything to add than what has already been said but just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss and the predicament you now find yourself in too which is obviously affecting your very raw emotions right now.
This is a great place to come and just let it out with people who will be honest but also be hugely supportive. I am so glad I found this place. Please keep coming back.
This is a great place to come and just let it out with people who will be honest but also be hugely supportive. I am so glad I found this place. Please keep coming back.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
find some alanon meetings for yourself. nothing you can do for him.
Originally Posted by MSW
Hi guys,
A little background; I'm a new member here, my name is Matt, and I'm 24, from the UK.
I lost my father just over a year ago to drink at the age of 54. I loved my dad so very, very much. He was good man, and wasn't really a violent/angry drunk, just a bitter one. I saw him just after Christmas, went around the next day to find him dead on the floor, and it's something I will never forget. I'm still dealing with my own head now, getting help, still thinking about the things I could have done to help him more. I wish I had thought to come to this place before when he was alive, and he might have finally been able to beat it with my help.
Fast forward to today. I often go for a walk around the block near my office to get a break and have a cigarette - there's a shop, and a lot of houses round here.
As I was walking, I passed a man in his 50s (I'll call him P from now on) who looked like he was struggling to walk. I don't mean limping a bit, I mean full-on could barely go on. I asked him if he needed help, and I ended up helping him (albeit it slowly) walk to his home a short while away where I come in and make sure he's alright.
P reminds me of my dad in so many ways. The way he looks, talks, dresses, how his home was... everything.
I find out that he's struggling with some bad spine problems, and has a carer that comes round fairly often, but he tries to get to the shop to get a bit of food and such fairly regularly.
I jot my number down on a bit of paper and tell him that if he ever needs anything, to give me a call. I offer to get him anything he needs from the shops when I leave the office before I go home.
I'm hit like a tonne of bricks when he asks for a half-bottle of Vodka. He immediately tells me that he's an alcoholic who wants to stop, but he drinks because it helps ease the boredom and the pain, and whenever he tries to cut down or stop the drinking he gets terrible pains in his stomach. He tells me that his wife died two years prior from cancer and they never got to have the children they wanted, and he has no other family. He has been drinking since his wife died, and only had the odd drink on occasion before.
I'm absolutely heartbroken and torn, guys.
On one side, I want nothing other than to help him. To give him some sort of light in his life - this man that I met no more than 8 hours ago and who I barely know anything about. I gave him my number and offered him help before finding out about his alcoholism, and now I don't know what to do. I almost feel like I could redeem myself if I could help, which may sound stupid, but it's how I feel.
On the other side, I don't know if I can or should get involved. I think now that I've offered help and he has asked for it (in the form of a bottle of Vodka) I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of not helping him, even though I know I'd only be fuelling his addiction.
I need some advice from the people that have been there, on both sides.
Thankyou.
Matt
A little background; I'm a new member here, my name is Matt, and I'm 24, from the UK.
I lost my father just over a year ago to drink at the age of 54. I loved my dad so very, very much. He was good man, and wasn't really a violent/angry drunk, just a bitter one. I saw him just after Christmas, went around the next day to find him dead on the floor, and it's something I will never forget. I'm still dealing with my own head now, getting help, still thinking about the things I could have done to help him more. I wish I had thought to come to this place before when he was alive, and he might have finally been able to beat it with my help.
Fast forward to today. I often go for a walk around the block near my office to get a break and have a cigarette - there's a shop, and a lot of houses round here.
As I was walking, I passed a man in his 50s (I'll call him P from now on) who looked like he was struggling to walk. I don't mean limping a bit, I mean full-on could barely go on. I asked him if he needed help, and I ended up helping him (albeit it slowly) walk to his home a short while away where I come in and make sure he's alright.
P reminds me of my dad in so many ways. The way he looks, talks, dresses, how his home was... everything.
I find out that he's struggling with some bad spine problems, and has a carer that comes round fairly often, but he tries to get to the shop to get a bit of food and such fairly regularly.
I jot my number down on a bit of paper and tell him that if he ever needs anything, to give me a call. I offer to get him anything he needs from the shops when I leave the office before I go home.
I'm hit like a tonne of bricks when he asks for a half-bottle of Vodka. He immediately tells me that he's an alcoholic who wants to stop, but he drinks because it helps ease the boredom and the pain, and whenever he tries to cut down or stop the drinking he gets terrible pains in his stomach. He tells me that his wife died two years prior from cancer and they never got to have the children they wanted, and he has no other family. He has been drinking since his wife died, and only had the odd drink on occasion before.
I'm absolutely heartbroken and torn, guys.
On one side, I want nothing other than to help him. To give him some sort of light in his life - this man that I met no more than 8 hours ago and who I barely know anything about. I gave him my number and offered him help before finding out about his alcoholism, and now I don't know what to do. I almost feel like I could redeem myself if I could help, which may sound stupid, but it's how I feel.
On the other side, I don't know if I can or should get involved. I think now that I've offered help and he has asked for it (in the form of a bottle of Vodka) I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of not helping him, even though I know I'd only be fuelling his addiction.
I need some advice from the people that have been there, on both sides.
Thankyou.
Matt
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
The problem is you've had a loss and you are vulnerable right now.
you need to be gentle with yourself and take time to heal before you can help another in a healthy way.
you need to be gentle with yourself and take time to heal before you can help another in a healthy way.
Originally Posted by MSW
Hi guys,
A little background; I'm a new member here, my name is Matt, and I'm 24, from the UK.
I lost my father just over a year ago to drink at the age of 54. I loved my dad so very, very much. He was good man, and wasn't really a violent/angry drunk, just a bitter one. I saw him just after Christmas, went around the next day to find him dead on the floor, and it's something I will never forget. I'm still dealing with my own head now, getting help, still thinking about the things I could have done to help him more. I wish I had thought to come to this place before when he was alive, and he might have finally been able to beat it with my help.
Fast forward to today. I often go for a walk around the block near my office to get a break and have a cigarette - there's a shop, and a lot of houses round here.
As I was walking, I passed a man in his 50s (I'll call him P from now on) who looked like he was struggling to walk. I don't mean limping a bit, I mean full-on could barely go on. I asked him if he needed help, and I ended up helping him (albeit it slowly) walk to his home a short while away where I come in and make sure he's alright.
P reminds me of my dad in so many ways. The way he looks, talks, dresses, how his home was... everything.
I find out that he's struggling with some bad spine problems, and has a carer that comes round fairly often, but he tries to get to the shop to get a bit of food and such fairly regularly.
I jot my number down on a bit of paper and tell him that if he ever needs anything, to give me a call. I offer to get him anything he needs from the shops when I leave the office before I go home.
I'm hit like a tonne of bricks when he asks for a half-bottle of Vodka. He immediately tells me that he's an alcoholic who wants to stop, but he drinks because it helps ease the boredom and the pain, and whenever he tries to cut down or stop the drinking he gets terrible pains in his stomach. He tells me that his wife died two years prior from cancer and they never got to have the children they wanted, and he has no other family. He has been drinking since his wife died, and only had the odd drink on occasion before.
I'm absolutely heartbroken and torn, guys.
On one side, I want nothing other than to help him. To give him some sort of light in his life - this man that I met no more than 8 hours ago and who I barely know anything about. I gave him my number and offered him help before finding out about his alcoholism, and now I don't know what to do. I almost feel like I could redeem myself if I could help, which may sound stupid, but it's how I feel.
On the other side, I don't know if I can or should get involved. I think now that I've offered help and he has asked for it (in the form of a bottle of Vodka) I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of not helping him, even though I know I'd only be fuelling his addiction.
I need some advice from the people that have been there, on both sides.
Thankyou.
Matt
A little background; I'm a new member here, my name is Matt, and I'm 24, from the UK.
I lost my father just over a year ago to drink at the age of 54. I loved my dad so very, very much. He was good man, and wasn't really a violent/angry drunk, just a bitter one. I saw him just after Christmas, went around the next day to find him dead on the floor, and it's something I will never forget. I'm still dealing with my own head now, getting help, still thinking about the things I could have done to help him more. I wish I had thought to come to this place before when he was alive, and he might have finally been able to beat it with my help.
Fast forward to today. I often go for a walk around the block near my office to get a break and have a cigarette - there's a shop, and a lot of houses round here.
As I was walking, I passed a man in his 50s (I'll call him P from now on) who looked like he was struggling to walk. I don't mean limping a bit, I mean full-on could barely go on. I asked him if he needed help, and I ended up helping him (albeit it slowly) walk to his home a short while away where I come in and make sure he's alright.
P reminds me of my dad in so many ways. The way he looks, talks, dresses, how his home was... everything.
I find out that he's struggling with some bad spine problems, and has a carer that comes round fairly often, but he tries to get to the shop to get a bit of food and such fairly regularly.
I jot my number down on a bit of paper and tell him that if he ever needs anything, to give me a call. I offer to get him anything he needs from the shops when I leave the office before I go home.
I'm hit like a tonne of bricks when he asks for a half-bottle of Vodka. He immediately tells me that he's an alcoholic who wants to stop, but he drinks because it helps ease the boredom and the pain, and whenever he tries to cut down or stop the drinking he gets terrible pains in his stomach. He tells me that his wife died two years prior from cancer and they never got to have the children they wanted, and he has no other family. He has been drinking since his wife died, and only had the odd drink on occasion before.
I'm absolutely heartbroken and torn, guys.
On one side, I want nothing other than to help him. To give him some sort of light in his life - this man that I met no more than 8 hours ago and who I barely know anything about. I gave him my number and offered him help before finding out about his alcoholism, and now I don't know what to do. I almost feel like I could redeem myself if I could help, which may sound stupid, but it's how I feel.
On the other side, I don't know if I can or should get involved. I think now that I've offered help and he has asked for it (in the form of a bottle of Vodka) I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of not helping him, even though I know I'd only be fuelling his addiction.
I need some advice from the people that have been there, on both sides.
Thankyou.
Matt
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