Tetra

Yesterday I had a relapse. Now I'm sad and scared. I have this habit of phoning people after a few drinks and I called my parents who figured it out immediately because of my voice.

I had the job interview from hell yesterday. It was so bad, it's not funny.

I am supposed to go to my parents place this weekend as I might go to my friends next weekend. I'm not sure if I want to do this. I don't want to spend the whole weekend being shouted at and threatened.

I just wanted to reach out to you.

Dee74

I'm sorry you drank Tetra. Have you thought about why you drank again - was it the interview?

D

Exegesis

I'm pretty new to sobriety myself but I would say just do whatever you need to do to not drink again. If going to your parents is going to stress you out then don't go. I know when I drink it always takes me atleast a few days to be able to think straight again. I just go for walks.

Glad that you reached out. This really is a great community of people.

Exegesis

Also I'm a stand-up comedian and I can assure you that everything is funny if you look at it in the right light. My friends have a tragedy show where the comics talk about the worst stuff that's ever happened to them; mom dying, losing an eye, having cancer, cerebral palsy. It's a hilarious show. The worse something is usually the funnier it will be on stage. Maybe you could try writing some jokes about your job interview.

Tetra

Yes, I have thought about it a lot.

Also, I have a review appointment with my consultant neurologist on Monday and I am worried about that.

Honestly, I would just prefer to stay with my friend for the weekend, but I don't think my parents would allow that.

I can't believe I'm 34.

Carlotta

??????

Dee74

You're 34 Tetra - in my opinion, you should be way beyond whatever your parents 'allow' you to do.

I think the time is well nigh for you to take the reins of your own life and accept responsibility not only for the decisions you make but for your recovery too, you know?

I know I was living like a teenager at 40, being bailled out by different people here and there. It's a silly, pointless way to live.

I was scared of myself - scared of failure but also of success.

I faced the fear and found I was more than capable of being an fully functioning self supporting adult

I love being an adult and having all this freedom and responsibility now - I had no idea what I was missing.

Do you need more support do you think, or maybe a greater commitment to using the support you have?

I really believe you can stay sober Tetra - but some days will take more work than others - it's just the way it is and to stay sober you need to commit to that

D

Foolsgold186

I'm sorry for what you're going through Tetra - you can get back but I think going to your parents will only make you feel worse than you probably already do.

Be strong.

Wishing you well.

L x

Tetra

Well, I phoned my parents and told them that I didn't want to visit them this weekend and I told them why.

I also said that I wish to take a more active role in my recovery which doesn't include me sitting back and being told what to do by parents, therapists etc. I could hear my mother sneering and imitating me in the background.

Gilmer

She's a sick woman. You definitely don't need to be around that!

soberclover

Don't go to your parent's house this weekend!

Marcher13

Tetra I am so sorry to hear of your relapse and of your worries. Dee's right Tetra, you need to create a big space between you and your parents. And you're right Tetra, you're 34, you call the shots in your life now.

AliceInTheRain

Well done Tetra, I know only too well how hard it can be to stand up to parents as an adult and am proud of you. Hope you have a great sober weekend with your friend

Mountainmanbob

Relapses are painful for the one's who have a true desire to stop drinking. Although many years ago now, I still remember the pain caused by my last few relapses. Then the day comes when we can take no more and we drink no more.
Mountainmanbob

Jupiters

tetra - sorry to hear you relapsed. And I'm sorry to hear about the job interview, we all know how nerve wracking and stressful they can be. I'm glad you called your parents and stood your ground on visiting them. You said it yourself lady, you are 34. THIRTY FOUR. Way past the age where you need to have your parents approval on anything. Your mom sounds like a sick woman, sneering and mimicking you?
We don't need that behaviour around us when we are doing well, let alone after a relapse that has knocked our butts down again.You need to do what you have to for YOU.
Screw your parents. Sorry. This is Tetra's life.

Carlotta

Glad to see you acted like an adult and not a scared child. Your mom obviously has anger and control issues and. I could see her sabotaging you.
Take ownership of your life and your recovery

Fandy

You do not need constant contact with your parents while you work on your own issues and problems.

You are an adult and acting like one is the best message you can send to them and yourself.

OK, you had a relapse, it was momentary, not ideal of course, but you did not disappear down the rabbit hole for a week, you KNOW it wasn't the best response to a bad job interview, but whats done is done (good grief stop calling your parents constantly)...if you ALLOW your parents to get up in your business, it will make you feel worse.

Act like an adult and expect to be treated as such. If your parents cannot respect this, don't keep going back for more.

Carlotta

OK I switched from my cell to my computer. I really agree with what Fandy wrote.
Tetra, I don't know what happened to you as a child and you might not know yourself but something just is not right and your relationship with your parents is sick.
Right now, your main focus should be to look into why you drank then adjust your recovery plan to address it.
From your posts, it sound like you have major problems with setting boundaries and people pleasing. I would really suggest that you go no contact with your mom for a while until you are on stronger grounds with your recovery.
Time to woman it up girlie

You can do it

Carlotta

While you cannot tell your parents to f... off no matter how tempting it might be, you have a right as an adult to set boundaries and refuse to allow yourself to be abused.
Whenever someone (including your mom or maybe especially your mom) starts yelling at you and threatening you, it is your responsibility to say comely:
This conversation is over
and to completely disengage by walking away or hanging up the phone.
This is not the middle ages, you are neither a grounded child nor a damsel in distress. No one will rescue poor little Tetra except for the grown up Ms Tetra herself.
Be your own knightess in shining armor because no one else will be.
One thing I was told years ago which took me a bit of step work to understand is that
People pleasing is a form of control.

Think about it.

Nonsensical

Ahhhhhh nuts!

Glad you are back here and posting, Tetra. You had some great momentum going. It doesn't all have to be lost. Lean on that tiller and get your ship back on course! You can do this.