I really need some help.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1
I really need some help.
My boyfriend has been with me for around 4 years. He has been addicted to percocet for about 2. His mother died two years ago on his birthday (which is in 2 days) right in front of him. His father died two years prior. He has no family at the age of 26, almost 27 now. My family allowed him to live with us. I was supporting his drug habit (and I dabbled a bit, but am clean now) I was allowing him to take money from me, in fact, I was giving it to him. I feel so much guilt. My parents found my bank statements, and my boyfriend admitted to everything. So, they told him to get clean or leave. So, 3 days ago, I took him to rehab. I feel so much guilt and fault. Also, I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness. Like, I am so lost without him. I miss and love him dearly. And I worry about the silliest issues. Is he okay? Why didn't he call? Does he still love me? Was he only with me because of that? Did he forget about me? Did he meet someone else? What if he's upset and hurt? I also worry because he has NO family. I am not his wife, so if there was an emergency, could they even legally call me? I fear that I will never be able to get this weight off my chest that I feel without him. I do not want to feel this way. I know that I should be happy, and I am. I really am happy that he is getting help. But, why did he not call me last night? This is my brain all day. I talked to him the night he went in and the next night, but nothing last night. I am so worried. It feels like I am out of control. I need some advice.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Rita...
Welcome to the Board. I can feel the pain in your post. It's important for you to know that you're not alone, so you've made a good decision to find us and to post.
Others will be by to greet you, but when greeting newcomers, I like to share some of my own thoughts.
One part of life, one part none of us will ever escape, is loss. And your ABF has had a lot of loss in a very short period of time. I empathize with that; I lost my dad when I was 10. If I were to hazard a guess, Percocet was a good way for your ABF to avoid feeling grief and loss. Someone under the influence of opiates doesn't feel a thing other than bliss. And before he knew it, he was in over his head. It happens over, and over, and over to young people. It's horrible.
As for you, I can understand why you made the choices you did. But that doesn't mean you made the right choices. That said, what's done is done, and now you have to push forward.
I don't know what awaits your ABF. Nor do I know what with happen to your relationship. What I do know is he's got his hands full at the moment. Opiates do not let go of someone once they've got their claws in someone. If your ABF is to get a grip on this, he needs to change the way he thinks and change the way he lives his life. It's life or death. Based on that, your relationship will inevitably change. How, I don't know. None of us do. But it will.
So now, Rita, you need to start taking care of you and to have a life independent of him. I know that's a scary sounding thing, but there's no ducking it. And we can help you get there, provided you're open to a different and healthier way of thinking.
Anyways, read as many posts as you can. Plenty of young women have come to us with similar problems and have gotten through it. You can too.
Hang around. Take care of you. And again, Welcome to the Board.
Welcome to the Board. I can feel the pain in your post. It's important for you to know that you're not alone, so you've made a good decision to find us and to post.
Others will be by to greet you, but when greeting newcomers, I like to share some of my own thoughts.
One part of life, one part none of us will ever escape, is loss. And your ABF has had a lot of loss in a very short period of time. I empathize with that; I lost my dad when I was 10. If I were to hazard a guess, Percocet was a good way for your ABF to avoid feeling grief and loss. Someone under the influence of opiates doesn't feel a thing other than bliss. And before he knew it, he was in over his head. It happens over, and over, and over to young people. It's horrible.
As for you, I can understand why you made the choices you did. But that doesn't mean you made the right choices. That said, what's done is done, and now you have to push forward.
I don't know what awaits your ABF. Nor do I know what with happen to your relationship. What I do know is he's got his hands full at the moment. Opiates do not let go of someone once they've got their claws in someone. If your ABF is to get a grip on this, he needs to change the way he thinks and change the way he lives his life. It's life or death. Based on that, your relationship will inevitably change. How, I don't know. None of us do. But it will.
So now, Rita, you need to start taking care of you and to have a life independent of him. I know that's a scary sounding thing, but there's no ducking it. And we can help you get there, provided you're open to a different and healthier way of thinking.
Anyways, read as many posts as you can. Plenty of young women have come to us with similar problems and have gotten through it. You can too.
Hang around. Take care of you. And again, Welcome to the Board.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 65
Hi I just wanted to say welcome to the board. I think it's great your bf is in treatment and try not to worry about him not calling you. When in rehab addicts need as little distraction from the outside as possible so they can focus on their recovery. Many treatment centers limit calls and visiting especially in the first 30 days. My girlfriend has been in treatment for almost a month and she is only allowed one phone call a week and visits once a week, the first of which was just allowed this past weekend. It's a good thing , I promise. Use this time to focus on you. And he can focus on him. I miss her a lot but the limited contact is there for a reason. Try to find peace in that and do what you need to do for you. Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Hi Rita and welcome to SR.... just the place to find answers and support in this situation.
I can imagine how you feel. You have been wrapped up in close quarters for a while now, with your boyfriend, during his struggle with losing his parents.
Its really great that your folks insisted on him getting out , because now he is in rehab and is getting the help he needs. As Zoso said, it isn't easy getting off the pills. He is going to need to focus on all they are teaching him... you two have been pretty enmeshed, most likely, and he needs to pull away from unhealthy dependencies. We can be too dependent on those we love. We need to learn to take care of ourselves, and that is what he will be learning. I would not read much into not hearing from him often, and would consider that a sign that he is focusing on his 'homework' , and trying to get through the withdrawal period. He may not feel like talking much, you know?
I would encourage you to read a wonderful book, 'Codependent No More', by Melody Beatty. Its about so much more than codependency..its about loving yourself,and learning good boundaries.. it will no doubt help you with your relationships...all of them, boyfriend, parent, and the world in general.
I wish your boyfriend the best. And I would encourage you to let go of guilt.. and move forward. the past is the past, and if we make mistakes we can learn from them.
focus on yourself and learn what you need to , from this. your boyfriend is learning healthy living, and choices.. it is a good time for you to learn all you can about this as well.
hugs,
chicory
I can imagine how you feel. You have been wrapped up in close quarters for a while now, with your boyfriend, during his struggle with losing his parents.
Its really great that your folks insisted on him getting out , because now he is in rehab and is getting the help he needs. As Zoso said, it isn't easy getting off the pills. He is going to need to focus on all they are teaching him... you two have been pretty enmeshed, most likely, and he needs to pull away from unhealthy dependencies. We can be too dependent on those we love. We need to learn to take care of ourselves, and that is what he will be learning. I would not read much into not hearing from him often, and would consider that a sign that he is focusing on his 'homework' , and trying to get through the withdrawal period. He may not feel like talking much, you know?
I would encourage you to read a wonderful book, 'Codependent No More', by Melody Beatty. Its about so much more than codependency..its about loving yourself,and learning good boundaries.. it will no doubt help you with your relationships...all of them, boyfriend, parent, and the world in general.
I wish your boyfriend the best. And I would encourage you to let go of guilt.. and move forward. the past is the past, and if we make mistakes we can learn from them.
focus on yourself and learn what you need to , from this. your boyfriend is learning healthy living, and choices.. it is a good time for you to learn all you can about this as well.
hugs,
chicory
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