eveie

Good morning... I need you all this morning more then anything... I am reading the literature, and the hope for today... I am TRYING to pray, but I am so ANGRY , and SAD .. It was a tough night, but THINK I did the right things.. My roomate is increasing his drinking more. So I avoid him, go to my room, or on my pc..(which is in the kitchen, but nowhere else to put it.. he has his room in basement...) I get left nasty notes, I just pick them up throw them away, hes trying so hard to get a reaction, and I WONT react, but the thing is? Is eating me .. Migraines, stomach problems! I now have to give myself shots for the migraines...eeeek! I start school Aug 30th, he made a comment about moving my pc somewhere else, so when he brings his "friends" over to party... ok , I have lived here since January, HE DOESNT HAVE ANY FRIENDS! now I just said no! I have it in front of a beautiful window, its like, how do I explain, anything thats peaceful and harmonous just makes him more hateful, ie: me feeding the birds and squirrels, me watering the yard.. I dont get it, dont care, I do these things to ground myself. I go to my weekly meeting, will try to find more... I am a wreck! I try to meditate, and nothing, trying to breathe, my peaceful time is when hes gone at work, looking for places to move , but taking ONE STEP AT A TIME! HAVE to make sure the finacial aide comes thru, then can move! OH PLEASE GOD, let it come thru, sorry this is so long, needed to just let it out, Just for today I am going to try to just breathe! Yin..........Yang........ thanks for listening! :sink

laurylady

Evie, hang in there, it sounds like you are doing what you can. It is sooo hard for you, but just think, this is just a period in your life, you WILL be able to look back on this someday and think, 'wow I made it through' and you will. I will say a prayer for you so you can find your peace and serenity, big hugs!
Laurie

eveie

Thanks Laurie, I know im just supposed to worry about getting thru today, but I just cant stop worrying about and praying this finacial aide goes thru, just hard, and thanks Laurie!! ((((((((((( Laurie)))))))

CrazyRed

Eveie-

Your situation reminds me of my own a few years ago -I never found peace until I lived alone with myself. It's hard, but hang in there.
Pray for the will to hang in there if you can't seem to do it.

~Red

2Sunshine

Eveie, hope is good, you are just anxious because your peace is being intercepted. Just try to work on releasing the fear and worry. Of course you want out of that situation, it is like you are living with "the ENEMY". It is hard to exist in the same place with someone who is practicing evil. You may want to let him know that you are trying to find another place to live and that you understand that you are errking his nerves--but relieve his tension--and tell him that you are trying everything within your power to get out of his space....you may also want to ask him what is his deal anyway.....he is the one witht he problems----telling him your plan may relieve some of the tension that you are feeling internally. Sometimes the internal warfare is caused because we don't give ourselves the freedom to speak our peace and speak our minds---we can't fear others reactions to what is so "real" for us---it is a prison within a prison---the body will always react to such self-destructive behavior....just let it go---it will do wonders. There is a thread on here that we discussed about "the rules of silence" and I made a response about "could this be a solution to the rules of silence"---it was written back in July--or you can click on my name and read through the list of "other posts" or "other threads written".

I just wonder if you have made an attempt to find out what his deal is...of course he doesn't want to look or hear about your serenity---he is in turmoil...but you never know he probably needs someone to really "talk" to about what has his briches in a knot...there is nothing to fear but fear its self. We all know the possibilities of his A reactions...but you know you need to find release of this situation...and antagonizing over waiting on the approval for your aid is weighing on you greatly....and God forbid if it doesn't come through--you may want to look at a plan b and c.

Good luck with finding a resolve to your situation and praying for your wisdom to light upon you like a dove rising in the morning.

Gracey

It is really hard to go through constant critisicm from one person...I am living with one unhappy, miserable, complaining person........I have gotten pretty good about not reacting to him........What I really need to work on is really not letting it bother me on the inside.......most of the time I dont........but there are just times when I am more sensitive to his criticism and cant help to take things harder........I think I would try leaving happy postive notes all over the place.........and let my AH find those.....who knows it may rub off.....I know how hard it is and I keep trying to tell myself that it is him............IT IS NOT ME........

eveie

Thank you Red ((((( Red))) I know what u are saying!!! I just cant stop crying today, I want my own place so bad I can taste it!! But with an income of disability, I called the place I have my application in, im 11th on the list, she tells me there is a year wait, I called another place today, its a place for elderly and disabled..but lots of stipulations, good news as I wrote this my friend from college says she will talk to her roomate, their may be an extra room where she lives.... will know when she gets home tonight...... praying........!!!!!!!!! thanks for the support, sorry im just a mess today!

cwohio

evie - i pray for you - to have migraines are bad enough but to have them compounded by erratic, nasty behavior makes it worse.

you will survive and be a stronger person. keep venting here and let us know what's happening - we're all here to help and support each other!!!!!!

cwohio

eveie

(((((((2sunshine))))))) oh I tried that, stood up for myself when I was constantly being called a "f"ing c@#t, I just stood up and told him I will not be talked to that way, like one of his x's Im a FRIEND not a girlfriend, thats when he almost hit me... hes just got some much hatred when he drinks, when hes sober, we have some of the nicest times hanging out, but those dont happen anymore... when hes sober, its like Im sorry eveie, dont move, but more and more, its him drunk, and "get the F out" Ive tried talking, doesnt work, and if you read again my first post, its like anything peaceful or harmonoius I do, brings out more hatedred... its like hes possesed by demons....LOL.. no other way to say it.. He laughs at me when im reading my literature outside, away from him... I get F you, or F'ing c#$t I just TRY not to react... what a hard thing to do, Im used to just saying leave me alone, or whatever, but now I cant do that... so THATS the hardest part... DONT react... I am trying every plan, B, C, D....lol.. anything I can... and praying for a path to open.... will be a very long time before I help a friend again, never thought I would say that!!! But gave up my own place to help him, now this is the consequences...but thanks for the support

eveie

(((((((cwohio)))))) thank you!! I know what you mean, Im convinced all this is making it worse, these shots suck! More dr appoints tomorrow... its like Im being eaten inside out.. trying my best, to follow the program, concentrate, Eveie!!! Hard when your head is pounding, your heart is breaking, and you feel like you want to vomit...sorry for the graphic details, my poetry helps, hoping and praying for good news tonight from freind from school!!! thanks everyone(((((((((forum))))))))))))0

eveie

(((breec3)))))))))))) I know that feeling, im getting stronger, trying to not let him chip anymore off of me, piece by piece, I want peace and peace... its sucks being stuck! DAMNIT...sorry for language, but I get so mad at myself for letting myself get stuck! Reading more thankful for the trip hes planning and hoping he goes for the WHOLE 3 days!! YAY! PEACE!

cwohio

evie - good luck tonight - don't worry about graphic details - we all have seen more graphic details than you could ever give us! lol

take care and prayer for good news tonite! cwohio

eveie

Thanks! ((((((((((cwohio))))))) btw? Im originally from ohio

Magichappens

evie,
It is hard to stay positive when I get a big dose of negativity constantly. That is why this forum, and my meetings are so important. Staying centered and balanced means seeking and receiving centered and balanced energy. I found an wonderful source of that. Hugs, Magic

eveie

(((((((magic))))))) I am reading the Tao of Inner Peace, what a fantastic book, but hard to concentrate, so been reading more literature then my book, but found in the TAO of inner peace ways to center and balance, that have helped, and am learning how to put them to use...Thanks for your support!!!

cwohio

evie - yea ohio! take care girlfriend!!!!

redrose0729

Evie have you thought about contacting human resource in your area and seeing if there is an elderly person you could sit for and live with. Just a thought in case it doesn't work out with the friend tonight. As to the financial aid worry God knows our needs hun and all you have to do is put your trust in him and he will take care of our needs, just remember to keep knocking on the doors of oppertunity cause he may not open them if we do not first knock. I have had days like you are having and then I remember to turn it over to God and give the problem to him and tell him I cannot handle it and ask him to handle it for me and he does. Hope this helps. Best wishes.

eveie

(((((((redrose)))) I dont think I am in any shape to be comfort to anyone right now, I have been in the "caretaker" postion now for 8 months, I think its time to take care of ME, that sounds really selfish? and that is something I do not know how to be, but it is something I REALLY need to learn how to be, thanks for your support hugs!

redrose0729

evie you are not being selfish you are trying to be good to yourself and there is nothing wrong with that. Focusing on yourself is what you should be doing. Let us know how things go tonight with the friend I really hope it works out .

eveie

ME too!!! ((((((((((((RED))))))))) Im on ***** and msn, if any one would like to chat, they are in my profiles He just got home, and waddled off to his basement cave, not a word yet, but then he had his bottle with him, Im staying here on my pc, on the forum...he will stay down there and play his war game...yay me...come on phone ring!! (((((FORUM)))))