1standlast

Having a day 1 again. Fell into the old trap of saying I could have just a few beers. I had been drunk for 1.5 weeks after that. God I feel like crap. Maybe this time I will be better.
So much anxiety!.

SoberLeigh

You never have to feel this way again, 1standlast; this can be your last day one.

Have you thought about what you can differently this time - about what you will do if your AV tries to lure you with its lies about 'just a couple'?

Esspee

The important thing is you're here and ready to start again. Be proud of yourself for that.

WhoDey

There can't be any "maybe" about it. Decide.

PurpleKnight

For me I really needed to accept that there were no more 1 or 2 drinks, abstinence no matter how long would not cure or heal me, 1 drink would always work out the same, so instead of going round in circles, I needed to part ways with alcohol!!

Are you doing things on sheer willpower? because that only got me so far, I needed something else, a mechanism where I could reach out for support when those thoughts inevitably cropped up again!!

You can do this!! Tweak your plan and go at things again!!

1standlast

I am doing it on willpower alone. I have told just about everyone close to me now. I have also reached out to people who I know are sober. I will be trying AA this time.
I will also begin dealing with my panic issues better. They were the reason I broke down and lost my will power.
My support group has grown this time. A lot.

Soberwolf

You can do this and this can be your last day 1 my friend

Good luck

Wastinglife

All my relapses started with "just a pint" after work or something and ended a week later with me flat broke, eating 2 dollar hotdogs on my couch and wondering what day it is. Took me so long to finally get it. I cannot drink alcohol whatsoever under any circumstances.

Support is essential. I am in therapy, go to AA at least once a week and use this site.

upminer

Although I don't consider it a relapse since I wasn't actively trying to quit I just hadn't progressed to daily drinking at that point and hadn't gone out in a while, my last dry period ended with "just one" I can't have just one and I won't have just one. Once I finally accepted that reality it really got the ball rolling for my sobriety I made two weeks before I went to the liquor store for "just one" Iirc I was just going to get one of those tall cans (moderation you know) something clicked and although I drove there, intended to buy, I walked out of there with a non alcoholic drink, I didn't buy that "one" beer that would have maybe been moderation for that day it certainly would have started the cycle over again.

Serenidad

This. ^^^

Stay strong! Don't let alcohol take any more of your life away from you! :-(

Dave36

Drinking will only make your anxiety worse. I'm sure you know that. I understand the temptation to drink and make it go away for a few hours. But the problem is waking up feeling like you do now. I couldn't take it anymore. That helps me stay sober. As hard as it can be to be sober it's WAY better than the place a month long bender would take me. Because I know that what would happen if I had one drink. I can only control the first drink. So as long as I don't have the first one I'm fine. You don't ever have to do this again.

Dee74

make sure of it. Build a better plan.
any ideas yet?

D

sleepie

hi 1standlast , so glad you are here! It sounds like you know what you want, you can have it too.

DefconOne

Whenever I think about having a 'few beers'...I read this..

The case against Alcohol = Ten Alcohol Facts

1) Alcohol is actually ethanol, which is a toxic substance that goes into fuel mixtures and industrial solvents
2) Alcohol consumption kills brains cells and attacks internal organs (stomach, throat, liver, kidney, heart, nerves)
3) Alcohol is expensive, heavily taxed, and leads to even more expensive behaviors
4) Alcohol leads to reckless actions, accidents, and users are known to hurt others and themselves
5) Driving while using alcohol is illegal and the penalties are severe including long term prison sentences
6) Alcohol abuse leads to income and job loss, family disintegration and your friends will desert you
7) Whatever your problems are, drinking alcohol will not fix them and actually will make them worse
8) Long term alcohol abuse and usage leads to paranoid forms of insanity, prison and death
9) Death by alcohol is very lonely and sometimes painful
10) Being an alcoholic is a very deary depressive insane way to live. One drink is too many, 10 not enough!

These are the facts and the facts are indisputable!

1standlast

Thanks for all the support everyone! last time I didnt have a plan or do anything other than stop drinking for a couple weeks. This time I will give AA a try so Ican be surrounded by a more understanding group of people.
I was also doing a lot better when I was reading this forum everyday after work. The day I didnt read the forum was when I took that drink and started on this path again, funny how not doing anything active about recovery for just one day can make it all come apart.

Gardennerd

If I ever have a craving I'm going to read all the day 1 posts including my own.

Once you realize you really can't moderate it must be easier, although I only just realized that.

Good job 1st and last. I was there 4 days ago and day 3 is infinitely better!