maximdisaster

Hi all,

First of all, one day sober and going for two.

Has anyone ever moved out of a home with someone (and subsequently ended a relationship) during the fragile beginning of sobriety? I think I need to find my own apartment because my current relationship is very unhealthy/toxic/full of resentment. I do not feel calm or safe and that makes me want to drink. But I am terrified of a.) the process of moving out and b.) what if I have alcoholic brain and I'm not thinking clearly enough to make the right decision?

Thank you so much.

BarrysMama

Hi there...

First off, congrats on that sober time!!! That's an unbelievable step in the right direction.

I can't tell you whether or not you are making the right choice, but I can share my experiences with you- I moved out of my fiancee of 5 years' home when I first tried to get sober about a year and a half ago, and it was terrifying, but it was the best decision I ever made- due to the fact that it was very unhealthy and keeping me drinking... With a lot of family support and help I was able to move cross country back to my home state and get well, without that unhealthy place/person to hold me down any longer... I did still have some sobering up to do..but I eventually found my way..

Point being, sometimes we are forced to make big life changes and moves during very early sobriety...and sometimes those are the best ones..because they set us up for the rest of our lives

3labs

Congrats on day 1. I don't know if anyone here can give you the right answer if you should stay or go. Have you consulted with friends or family members to get their advice on your current situation?

What ever you decide, please stay sober!

maximdisaster

BarrysMama,

That is so helpful. You had to move cross country-- I just have to find my own apartment in the same city! But I bet it made you so very strong.

I feel in my heart and whatever instincts I have left that I need to go. I'm being emotionally abused and borderline physically abused. I walk on eggshells, the whole 9. I need to call in my parents for help but I am so ashamed. But I must do it.

Thanks agian.

Soberwolf

You can do this Maxim awesome job on day 1

Niamh

You can do it. Make that call. You're doing the right thing. Getting healthy is #1.

Anna

I moved long-distance for my husband's job, to a place where English was not the first language. It could have been a disaster but it was the best thing that could have happened. Because I couldn't work due to language issues, I began to volunteer with women living in the street. I spent about 7 or 8 years doing that, and I met some of the most amazing people I have ever known.

It sounds like your relationship is going to hinder your recovery, so moving on could be the best solution.

PurpleKnight

Great job on Day 1!! Onwards to day 2!!

Hevyn

Though stressful to move, it sounds like the best thing for your sanity & recovery. Once you're moved things will settle down - but staying there could sabotage your sobriety. Congrats on your first sober day.

milly4me

Maxi- it sounds like you should trust your instincts. Its gonna be hard..but probably not harder than living like you are now. Congrats on taking your first step. And you know, you can always revisit this relationship sometime down the line with a sober brain. I suspect you'll find you didnt make a mistake in leaving, but if you did, who says you cant go back, healthier and with better tools to protect your boundaries?

Janis

I did exactly that during my first days of sobriety. I actually had to couch surf for about two weeks until I found a new place to live, one of the places was with an active alcoholic ex for a few days and I was able to stay sober. I'm extremely lucky that I have a good job because that was not easy. My circumstances were different from yours but overall the best advice I ever got was you have two jobs right now 1) stay sober 2) don't f up at work too much. If you don't work obviously that doesn't apply but your #1 priority right now is to stay sober not fix a relationship or focus on anything else. Getting sober is hard and it sucks but it's the best thing you can ever do for yourself and pays out so much. I can't tell you what the right decision is but just put sobriety first and the rest will work itself out.

Best of luck to you!!

Dee74

I moved in the first 6 months cos my house was sold and pulled down.

It was rough but I did it, by myself & sober, with the help of the community here.

I know you'll find support and advice here too Maxim

D