Twofour

Please someone reach out. My son came to me to say I can't beat this perc habit. Please help me. He goes to rehab he's out x2 weeks. Only to find out he was partying with his 20 year old brother on and off when he was home from college. 20 yr old said no issues for him just fun. Never gonna do again he has under control. Worry about the one that just got out. They started going to meetings together a few. How do I deal with this under my roof......I am sick. Iam paralyzed. My heart hurts so badly I can't breath. Don't know what action to take or not take. V. Don't know how to get off the chair.... I am going to naranon but I can't stop crying long enough now to speak.

greeteachday

Hi Rosie,
Your post brought me back to how filled with panic I felt, how anxious, how truly frightened and paralyzed when I found out my young daughter had an opiate addiction. I truly felt like I was in the middle of a war. Every day was filled with fear and my mind was in survival mode...primarily her survival.

Unfortunately there are no quick answers, but you have taken very important first steps. Face to face support is a big start and coming here. Just know that you are not alone. Each step you can take to make sure that your home is safe may help you to feel less out of control. I started with boundaries that created a safe home- I will not have drugs in my home; I will not allow anyone to steal from me; I won't cover up for my daughter. The most important thing for me was to make sure my boundaries were ones I could keep to. For example, I wasn't ready to say if you use, you have to leave - so I didn't.

Please know that you are not alone. That was something that helped me tremendously - it really felt as if no one could understand what I was facing. And finally, imaging my child wrapped in a warm protective cloak of love helped me to let go a bit and just breathe. Some days, if I could just breathe and not cry, I felt I was making progress. Sending good thoughts and gentle hugs.

Hope7726

I'm sorry Rosie. I know this is incredibly overwhelming and heart-breaking. I agree it is important to first decide what you will put up with. Setting boundaries that you will stick with and making those boundaries known to everyone in your home is probably the best way to start. I'm sure you feel incredibly alone in this but I can assure you, you are far from it. Nar-Anon and/or Al-Anon will likely provide you with comfort, as these are people (mostly parents) who truly understand what you are going through. Finding a counselor for yourself might also be helpful. There are so many counselors who have worked with both addicts and families affected by addiction.

Educate yourself about both addiction and recovery. Read books, speak with a knowledgeable counselor, read online. It's difficult for those of us who are not addicts to understand the power of it.

I'm not sure if you are a spiritual or religious person but I know when things were at their worst with the addict in my life, I had to find faith in something greater than me and bigger than this earth. In a situation such as this, where you have no control over what happens to your sons, it helps to believe that someone or something does. That is sort of what greeteachday was saying about her daughter being wrapped up in a warm blanket. The warm blanket represents a higher power (it does not have to be God as we typically know him) that protects her daughter. And if you can believe that, know that someone/something is here to protect YOU as well. Remember that you are of no help to your sons if you are not healthy yourself.

zoso77

Well, when you're ready to speak, you will. You don't have to speak at meetings until you're ready to share your experiences. What's important now, I think, is that you listen and absorb the words of those who've been where you are and came out the other side in one piece.

Sometimes moms have to do things they don't want to do regarding their children, but have to in order to save their sanity. A good example of that is Ann. Look up her posts. Read. Absorb. And you will come to a place, in time, where you will be OK regardless of what your kids are doing.

INgal

I'm so sorry, Rosie. I do not know if this helps, but I told my son he had to be on Antabuse if he wanted to continue to live in our home. I know there are other drugs that help with cravings for different drugs so I hope that is an option. I am the one who administers it so I know it is being taken. Hang in there we all understand, more than you can imagine.

Twofour

Thank you all. I appreciate this site so much. It does help to read what others have been thru.

Twofour

Thanks and I will. You share a great deal of wisdom and it is appreciated