Will I have fun at this get together?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Whitinsville ma
Posts: 4
Will I have fun at this get together?
Hello all. I am new to the group. I have been sober since January 5 of this year. I am doing well and look forward to feeling this good for a while. My live in girlfriends 40th birthday is coming up next month. Ahead wants to get together with family and friends to celebrate and the place she wants to go is a casino which is crawling with alcohol. She is a social drinker who doesn't have an issue. She wants me to be there but I am unsure if being around the alchol is a good thing for me. I have stayed away from any event that has to do with drinking since I quit and I don't want to slip now. Some of the people that are going to attend drink very heavy and sometimes arguments result from the overindulgence. I am looking for some advice from anyone willing to give it. Thanks in advance.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
If you think you can go safely, go. If you think the temptation will be too much, don't go.
I was fine in these situations, but some people aren't. I made sure to always have my own car and to slip out early in some instances when I was uncomfortable...but that is my rule for any parties anyway.
I was fine in these situations, but some people aren't. I made sure to always have my own car and to slip out early in some instances when I was uncomfortable...but that is my rule for any parties anyway.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 419
Zen, not drinking has to be the number one thing and being in a place swimming with alcohol this early on for you is the last place you want to be. Unless you are sure you can make it, and maybe later on you could, but this isn't later on, this is now and you say yourself you are not sure of yourself, so you have your answer. One thing about staying sober, you have to learn that nothing is worth folding. It's a new thing -- a new way of looking at things, and it is a skill you must develop.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
There's several parts to your question -
1. The sobriety issue itself - do you honestly feel that when one of the people in the group tries to push a drink on you ( because you know someone will ) that you'll be able to simply decline? They will most likely ask repeatedly and try very hard to get you to drink.
2. Is your friend fully aware of your commitment to permanent sobriety? Have you explained your reservations about the party to her? Perhaps the two of you could do something else on another night?
3. If you haven't been to a drinking function since you quit, from experience many here can tell you that even if you are able to stay sober, most likely you won't enjoy it. Being around other drunk people, especially when the sole reason many are there is to get drunk, can be a real bummer.
It's certainly possible to attend events like this, but just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD.
1. The sobriety issue itself - do you honestly feel that when one of the people in the group tries to push a drink on you ( because you know someone will ) that you'll be able to simply decline? They will most likely ask repeatedly and try very hard to get you to drink.
2. Is your friend fully aware of your commitment to permanent sobriety? Have you explained your reservations about the party to her? Perhaps the two of you could do something else on another night?
3. If you haven't been to a drinking function since you quit, from experience many here can tell you that even if you are able to stay sober, most likely you won't enjoy it. Being around other drunk people, especially when the sole reason many are there is to get drunk, can be a real bummer.
It's certainly possible to attend events like this, but just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,867
Welcome, Zenman, to SR.
I couldn't have navigated an event like that so early on in sobriety. If you are feeling at all uncertain, stay home and plan to celebrate with your gf in another way.
I couldn't have navigated an event like that so early on in sobriety. If you are feeling at all uncertain, stay home and plan to celebrate with your gf in another way.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I couldn't have attended such an event in early sobriety either. I did attend 2 drinking functions on 2 separate stints of sobriety at 6 weeks sober and drank at both. I knew nothing else to do and when the cravings hit I just couldn't deal with them
Does your girlfriend know you are serious about sobriety and is she supportive of you? This is a situation where you have to put yourself first
Does your girlfriend know you are serious about sobriety and is she supportive of you? This is a situation where you have to put yourself first
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Whitinsville ma
Posts: 4
My girlfriend is very supportive of my sobriety and I am thankful for that. Since I quit drinking we as a couple have had to decline several invites to social events. Being the party in question is her 40th birthday I want to be there and she has stated she wants me there. That being said I thank everyone for the advice and I feel that I should not be around the drinking at this time. Hope she understands.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Zenman 
That being said I thank everyone for the advice and I feel that I should not be around the drinking at this time. Hope she understands.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Broachbthis as a "honey, the best gift I can give you for your 40th birthday is my continued sobriety. I hope you understand that attending this event will be extremely difficult for me. Please let's plan something for the two of us to do together to mark your big day." And then plan something. Flowers are always nice too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Whitinsville ma
Posts: 4
Thank everyone again for the pearls of wisdom. After talking to my girlfriend I decided that her and I are going to celebrate her birthday in our own way. She is very supportive if my sober it's and she also had some mixed feeling about me putting myself in that situation. She expressed her concern for me and how she did not want me to go and be in a bad place. I think she put bit best when she said " as much as I want you there, I would rather you be sober and happy more then anything else" feeling great today. So glad I have her support and yours. Thanks folks.
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