Sarahnels

So I am currently 17 days sober and some days it seems harder then it was the first few days. I mean Super Bowl Sunday was the worst! You know what that AV reminds me of? It reminds of those cartoon scripts where the devil and the angel or in a heated battle on each side of your shoulders. My mind going through an argument about whether or not I should have a cocktail. I relented and sided with the angel this time around. But it is hard. I didn't t have a drink, but depressed that I didn't have one as a well. Like my life is just blah. Sometimes I get a high from shoving that voice back to hell, but sometimes I get super sad. Will it go away? Ever? Because I just want to be normal! I don't want the devil and angel fighting with each other every time I'm in an awkward situation or place.

suki44883

It will eventually go away, but it will get fainter and fainter the more you say NO! Don't argue with it about whether or not you should have a cocktail. You already know you shouldn't. The more you deny the AV what it wants, the less often it will pop up and the fainter it will be come.

Welcome to SR!

Nonsensical

Imagine you are in the grocery store and a person approached you and said, "Hey, your clothes are on fire." You look down and can see that your clothes are not on fire.

Do you stand there and have a debate with the person who is insisting your clothes are on fire when they are not?
My clothes are not on fire.
Yes they are
No they aren't!
Yes they are!
etc...

I wouldn't. I would walk away and ignore this strange, deluded person. If they followed me I would call for help.

My AV lies to me. Debating it is pointless. It's a liar. Walk away. If it follows you and you can't shake it, call for help. SR is always here.

You can do this.

SoberLeigh

The AV gets fainter and fainter, and easier and easier to ignore, as time goes by. In the meantime, practice recognizing it for what it is - a liar - and shutting it down. It builds those sober muscles to which Dee often refers.

Hang in there, Sarahnels; 17 days is great progress.

Soberwolf

Yes the AV does fade away with time

anattaboy

Maybe framing it more like a break-up would help? Lucifer imprisoned himself by joining with the Idea of separateness which of course is insanity. "I was mistaken" is all that this is about but it's gotta be the whole enchilada. You've already covered all the "buts"--believe that.

OnMyWay7

This really helped me - thank you for posting.

Ruby2

've found that to some degree the AV is there when I'm hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. I take care of those the best I can. Sometimes the suggestion to drink comes up out of nowhere. It gets fainter as time goes on. you get better practice at recognizing it and dealing. Hang in there. Ignore it. Tell it to go away. If you are a Lord of the Rings fan "you have no power here."

Anna

For sure, it will fade, but for now, it's fighting because it knows it's losing and you're getting stronger. Stay the course and remember they are just thoughts and they don't control you.

Sugar77

Hi Sarah,
This is exactly how I felt on sunday evening. Boy was it a battle, ended up in tears but didn't drink. Until reading posts on here, I had never heard of AV or AVRT but today i've been trying to read up on it, on the Rational Recovery site.
Impossible to take much in with a 2 yr old lunatic running around. I'll go back to it tonight when i find some quiet time. But I find it fascinating, I can relate to it. And I think it will be of huge benefit to me,if I can absorb it and put it into practice. And according to AVRT I better stop saying " One day at a time" in my posts too.
But really there is no one, right way to stop drinking. What works for one person,won't for another. I guess we just gotta find what really works for us individually. I did AA about 10 years ago, left after 2/3 months, it wasn't for me longterm, but i'll always be grateful to it and the people there that helped me at what was my worst drinking,and a very painful time in my life. AA broke a very vicious cycle of drinking, the severity of which, I thankfully never returned to. I just couldn't relate to their ethos or the people there really.
So congrats on your 17 days! Day 11 here and all over the place but finding strength in Knowledge and mainly reading posts on here
All the best

doggonecarl

Seventeen days is a great accomplishment. But still early in recovery. Be patient. The gratification of being "normal" doesn't happen immediately. But it does happen.

Stay strong.

Turtle82

Will it go away? Ever? Because I just want to be normal! I don't want the devil and angel fighting with each other every time I'm in an awkward situation or place.

Normal? "Normal" peeps have a superego (angel) and an id (devil) and they fight for dominance. "Normal" peeps have a conscience in other words and many wish they didn't so they could just do whatever their nasty little id wants, without arguments in their head, like sociopaths and psychopaths do. So, just sayin, "normal" means we'll always have these arguments going on upstairs. But, with time, making healthy, good and constructive choices gets more automatic and we don't notice the process so much... though it is STILL there if we stop and listen. You're doing great... welcome to "normal."

ScottFromWI

I know that I will always be an alcoholic, therefore I have accepted that I will need to respect and accept my addiction for the rest of my life. The cravings and the obsession about drinking do definitely fade, and for the most part I go through the majority of my days without alcohol even entering my conscious thoughts. But I do need to remind myself ( daily ). We read about people here who drink after years, even decades, of sobriety. In almost every case, the reason they drank upon re-examination was that they strayed away from whatever it was that kept them sober.

PurpleKnight

It will fade with time, the longer you're Sober and the more you create new routines/habits alcohol will be kicked to the kerb even more!!

Hang in there!! 17 Days is fantastic!!

airwick

I'm going on 11 months, and AV still shows up every now and then. What's really cool about it is---now I'm the one calling ( or not calling) the SHOTS.

If I want to hear him, I will.
If I don't , I won't.

I think it is up to me.
AV is not my friend, never will be. If he wants to stick around and waste his time bothering someone who don't give a rats ass....so be it!!

Have a great day

Hevyn

I agree that it fades with time, sarah. I drank all my life & never imagined a time that I wouldn't be obsessed with it, but that time came. The idea of drinking almost never crosses my mind now - I didn't think that would be possible. You will get there.

AnvilheadII

the longer you stay committed to staying sober NO MATTER WHAT, the voices will after a time quit bugging you so much. the more times you say NO, it erases one of those thousands of yes's made along the way. the more you work on defusing your triggers, the less opportunities is there for your addict to grab the wheel and start driving the bus.

17 days is good. you wanna be sober right? more than you wanna be drunk? good. remember, you aren't missing out on anything by not drinking except humilation, degradation, regrets, and self loathing.

Aellyce

I think many of us experience what you do, that the urges get a bit stronger after a couple weeks sober, especially if you get exposed to triggers -- I definitely had this. And like everyone says, the temptations get less and less powerful with time. I'm now often amazed that I can undergo a lot of stress or be in a really weird mood, but no longer typically have considerable desires for alcohol or only for fleeting moments. I never thought this would happen in the beginning, but it does. Hang in there, you are doing well

MelindaFlowers

The AV does actually go away. From my experience I would say it takes six months of "starving the beast" for it to finally shut up. I like the image of "starving the beast." It provides a nice visual of what we are doing.

freshstart57

When you ask yourself if you are done drinking for good, what goes through your mind when you answer? You know what the only answer is, and the answer you will come to sooner or later. If you make it sooner, then the sooner you can get to making your life full and challenging and satisfying. These are the things you want. If you make it later, the only things that will happen are bad things - sadness and sickness and anxiety and guilt.

When you know what you will choose every time thoughts of drinking come to you, when you know you will always choose to be sober, the AV will stop banging on your head. Things get much easier when you make this choice. Think of a cranky two year old child. If you say, Well, I don't think you should have that now, you are going to have supper soon, it will continue to whine and wheedle. If you say Nope, and then change the subject, the whining stops.

You can do it, Sarahnels. You deserve it.