killerinstinct

I've come a very long way and spent sometime reflecting on gut instincts and how me not listening to them has gotten me into lots of problems in life... I mean lots!

My question is:
When ever your gut feeling goes against what your being 'told' or 'lead to believe' do you still despite all you've been through trust it or do you still doubt yourself because you were gas lighted and brainwashed by your EXA...

Who do you trust? people or your instinct after being through such traumatising experiences... Can you ever trust people ..??

NWGRITS

I still have a hard time trusting my gut. It's always right, but I'm still working on not second-guessing myself.

LeeJane

My gut instinct was always right but I was trained in childhood (by A parents) to ignore it!

LexieCat

No, my "gut instinct" is not infallible.

Here's the thing--our "gut instincts" might be picking up on something our conscious minds haven't noticed yet. OR we could be processing our observations through the lens of our experience with untrustworthy people.

I think "gut instincts" should be respected, and listened to, but it's really one more bit of data to process along with what we DO consciously know.

killerinstinct

My gut instinct has let me down a few times... And turns out I had serious trust issues and was paranoid. Did I imagine everything with the EXA.. I'm worried I did? It's frightening to think..

PippiLngstockng

When I first met xah I thought that he had a very trustworthy appearance. Everyone practically sees him as a little 'too' nice, if anything. Ha!

But as my life goes on longer without xah, I can hear myself think. My inner voice is getting louder, and I am realizing who am I, what is important to me, what my values are.

I do have an appreciation for how there are skilled manipulators out there, and they'll find fools like myself to believe in them.

hopeful4

I always trust my instinct. It has rarely if ever let me down. KI, go back and read your old posts, that always put me back into perspective when I was doubting myself.

XXX

Hangnbyathread

I have betrayed my gut instincts once. And that was deciding to become involved with my XAGF. Now that I know about AC, I am better armed to know what to trust when I see it.

I do not know if they have ever been wrong, but I can't think of any instance where what my instincts told me I made a bad choice. I just know that they have always kept me in a good way in life.

POAndrea

Not always, but pretty darn close. I agree with LexieCat that the gut feeling is another valuable source of information. One of the best books I've ever read on this subject is The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence: Gavin de Becker: 9780440508830: Amazon.com: Books

It does a very good job of explaining just how what we call instinct is often a subconscious and very accurate awareness and analysis of what is happening around us.

zoso77

I trust people who have earned my trust. Everyone else? Not so much. And that is a function of being burned when I didn't follow my gut.

Well, lesson learned. If my gut's telling me something, I pay attention to it now. Otherwise, you can set yourself up for being hurt, disappointed, etc...

dandylion

My short answer is NO. What most people call "gut instinct", I think of as information processing.

dandylion

lillamy

Yes and no. I always had a gut instinct that was right but I also (like LeeJane) learned to overrule it because other "values" (taking care of others, putting others' needs ahead of my own) were more valued in my culture. Collective over individual. Nobody cares what YOU feel, it's what's good for ALL of us that matters.

I knew with AXH from the get-go that there were enough red flags to be a Communist Parade on the Red Square on May 1, but I ignored them.

Katchie

What I try to do, because I haven't trusted my gut either and have suffered because of it, if there is conflicting thoughts then I take note of my instinct and wait and watch. Everyone here has been so correct by telling me "more will be revealed".

FireSprite

Mine have always guided me well; my struggles come from either

1. ignoring them/not slowing down to listen
2. 2nd guessing what they tell me, not trusting myself


For a long time mine were twisted because after enough years of ignoring them or working against them, they weren't accurate any longer. It took me a long time in the first year of my recovery to redevelop that internal strength & put them back on the right track.

Complex and Hidden Brain in Gut Makes Stomachaches and Butterflies - NYTimes.com

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...instincts.html

ShootingStar1

If I had trusted my gut instinct, I would have divorced my now XAH of 20 years after being married to him for 3 months. I felt the narcissism he was sending my way then, but I didn't know what it was and I was too entranced in the honeymoon stage of our marriage.

The more work I have done on and for myself in the past 2.5 years since leaving him, the more I can see what is truly going on instead of what I want to think is going on. The more time I've spent on my own, the better I can understand who I am and what I need, and who is trustworthy and who is not. The more I understand about what emotional health is and what the deep tenets of an emotionally healthy relationship are, the quicker I can see the red flags.

My gut was right some 20+ years ago; my mind overruled it.

Now, having lived through what I did, having taken the time and effort to sort out many of my mixed up reactions due to my childhood training, co-dependency, and arrogance to think that just because I wanted it to be, it was, I am much quicker and more reliable about who to trust.

Besides going No Contact initially with my spouse, I've now gone No Chaos in my life and what a difference that makes.

ShootingStar1

LifeRecovery

KI-

I am learning about trusting myself (and my instincts) which I have a tendancy to overide.

I suspect once I get that on board all of the questions you asked about "others" will fall into place.

TalenCrowhaven

My gut instinct when sensing something is off, wrong, or dangerous has never let me down. It has really saved me a couple of times when it dissagreed with the charm of an addict or narcissist.

Confusing anxiety and excitement with love, because of how I was raised, has been the deceiver. Now, I know the difference.

Learning to "do the math" and avoid magical thinking, has also been a lifesaver.

POAndrea

After all this time, you'd think I'd have stopped believing what people say, but I still have trouble with it. My spidey-sense is way better than my brain in picking up the differences between statements and behaviors, so I trust it even if I don't know why I think something is hinky at that time. Usually I can go back later and articulate how something was wrong or identify the dissonance between what was said and what was demonstrated. All the necessary information was there, but I just didn't consciously recognize it, much less use it in the decision-making process. Though to be fair, sometimes (but rarely) my gut is jut being stubborn or butt-hurt and isn't about to trust anyone or anything even if all the indicators are good to go.