Did your A refuse help at the intervention?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 51
Did your A refuse help at the intervention?
It's been a while since I was here, but I was just thinking back to the intervention we held for my ABrother in 1994. It was a new world to me, I flew all the way from New York to Seattle to be the big surprise. But the intervention didn't work and he didn't talk to anyone for about six months. Then we reconnected.
Now I live near him but he's not spoken to me for three or four years, and there was no intervention he just went off all psycho. I keep holding out hope he'll wander back to my life but has it gotten to be too late? He's over 64, I'm about to be 58. I miss him so much.
Anyway, did anyone else have an A walk out, but eventually come back. Am I foolish to hope I'll ever have him in my life again?
Now I live near him but he's not spoken to me for three or four years, and there was no intervention he just went off all psycho. I keep holding out hope he'll wander back to my life but has it gotten to be too late? He's over 64, I'm about to be 58. I miss him so much.
Anyway, did anyone else have an A walk out, but eventually come back. Am I foolish to hope I'll ever have him in my life again?
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
My family did an intervention with my mother years and years ago. She got angry and cursed all of us out. She's still drinking. 40+ years of her life in the bottle. Sorry I don't have a success story for you, but ultimately it depends on whether they're ready to stop drinking.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
In case it might be of interest:
NAMI | Relationships: Where Treatment and Recovery Begins
Three other things have been helpful to me:
First and foremost, self work. The more balanced and healthy I am, the more that changes the dynamics of everything. This will be an ongoing lifelong practice. A very good thing I now look forward to. Alanon, getting a sponsor and working the steps of the program is a great place to start.
Second, I was given the advice to not focus on getting him into teatment, but to go with him to see the places and people who might be able to help. Once they are known places, that might take some of the fear away. Getting him to agree has taken time and patience on both our sides.
Third, to let him choose where to find help. This was a huge balance of the above. First rehab was forced and he came back very angry. There was so much that hadn't been addressed, and then without alcohol we started seeing so much more of the underlying problems, along with Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS). Second inpatient rehab was a long trip in getting there, but by the time we visited the second center in two days, with lots of anxiety and drinking during that, which by that time I was understanding how normal that was with this disease, he seemed more afraid of not getting help than being there. Both rehabs had family weeks. They were a break from drinking for us, and gaining of information. There were pros and cons to both programs.
Interventions and getting ill people into treatment might make us feel better, that we did something, but doing other things first and approaching our loved ones differently might have better long term results.
He is still between relapsing and recovery. There is much more understanding for both of us. One day at a time. We've both had a very good week, at least from my viewpoint. From his, he's having to deal with reality and that can be very hard, especially sober. Baby steps. Easy does it. I don't say these things out loud, but am working on living my recovery and letting him discover his own way.
Some people, no matter what, would rather hold onto grudges, anger and addiction. Others may be wanting more out of life.
http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Addicti.../dp/1476709475
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00472O6I4/
NAMI | Relationships: Where Treatment and Recovery Begins
Three other things have been helpful to me:
First and foremost, self work. The more balanced and healthy I am, the more that changes the dynamics of everything. This will be an ongoing lifelong practice. A very good thing I now look forward to. Alanon, getting a sponsor and working the steps of the program is a great place to start.
Second, I was given the advice to not focus on getting him into teatment, but to go with him to see the places and people who might be able to help. Once they are known places, that might take some of the fear away. Getting him to agree has taken time and patience on both our sides.
Third, to let him choose where to find help. This was a huge balance of the above. First rehab was forced and he came back very angry. There was so much that hadn't been addressed, and then without alcohol we started seeing so much more of the underlying problems, along with Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS). Second inpatient rehab was a long trip in getting there, but by the time we visited the second center in two days, with lots of anxiety and drinking during that, which by that time I was understanding how normal that was with this disease, he seemed more afraid of not getting help than being there. Both rehabs had family weeks. They were a break from drinking for us, and gaining of information. There were pros and cons to both programs.
Interventions and getting ill people into treatment might make us feel better, that we did something, but doing other things first and approaching our loved ones differently might have better long term results.
He is still between relapsing and recovery. There is much more understanding for both of us. One day at a time. We've both had a very good week, at least from my viewpoint. From his, he's having to deal with reality and that can be very hard, especially sober. Baby steps. Easy does it. I don't say these things out loud, but am working on living my recovery and letting him discover his own way.
Some people, no matter what, would rather hold onto grudges, anger and addiction. Others may be wanting more out of life.
http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Addicti.../dp/1476709475
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00472O6I4/
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Oops, there I go again! Wrote "getting him to agree" where that never seems to have worked for either of us in a healthy way!
Having patience, working my own recovery program and listening to him has been more helpful. But also listening to his actions more than the words.
Having patience, working my own recovery program and listening to him has been more helpful. But also listening to his actions more than the words.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Have you tried Alanon? It's a program that saved my sanity by helping me keep the focus on my own recovery and accept that I'm powerless over people, places and things. In situations like yours, I hope for the best but expect the worse. I suggest praying for your brother, which is about all you can do.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 865
My so called "interventions" involved the police - Yep, had my AH picked up twice. It was for everyone's safety because at the time he was totally out of control and we thought he would hurt us or himself.
Backfired BOTH times! That has been my experience.
What NYC says is true - Alanon and Prayers.
Take care!
Backfired BOTH times! That has been my experience.
What NYC says is true - Alanon and Prayers.
Take care!
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