Padded cell
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Hitting par here and now
Posts: 11
Padded cell
First off, after 3 years of steady drinking, partly brought on by feeling sorry for myself post an unexpectedly bad surgical result on a formerly very athletic knee, I am now well into my third sober month. 
OK, what now? What to do when you've dug yourself 3 years worth of deep crater with a shovel of bad habit? Losing friends, identity and way? I find myself waking early- 4am often and feeling so damned depressed. Is it healthy to manufacture reasons to feel all right? To lie to yourself in order to survive and soldier on? Guess I lack the power to imagine a higher power... As in what increasing feels like a previous life, I spent a lot of time (too much time probably) closing the distance of spirit space between myself and nature, as a measure of my work on the mind/body connection... Yes, was an exercise junky. Which is hard to do without the body part (bad joke sorry) of the equation.
Am so lost. But you can read that
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
I find that by working the 12 Steps, the Promises are coming true:
"1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves."
Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition; AAWS, 2001, pp. 83-84.
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves."
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Fantastic effort H20, especially with your other circumstances. I've seen lots of posts from others on SR of the what now? variety. Lot's of us face that question. Dee is very good at answering this.
Have a think about your abilities and interests and make an effort to get out and build yourself a sober life. There are many activities not centred around drinking; it's really dependent on how much you're willing to put into it.
Have a think about your abilities and interests and make an effort to get out and build yourself a sober life. There are many activities not centred around drinking; it's really dependent on how much you're willing to put into it.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Congrats on being into your third sober month!
Are you feeling a bit isolated right now? What occupies your time during the day? Can you let things be just as they are and not lie to your self? Maybe if this sadness is a regular thing you could call your MD and make an appointment. And talk it out with a therapist. Go therapy!
Are you feeling a bit isolated right now? What occupies your time during the day? Can you let things be just as they are and not lie to your self? Maybe if this sadness is a regular thing you could call your MD and make an appointment. And talk it out with a therapist. Go therapy!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
Great job on 3 mths also great that you stopped digging that crater further.
Brain chemistry takes a while to sort itself out. Give it time, it takes a while to get messed up it will take a little time to sort itself out.
The sleeping will no doubt return in time.....getting comfortable with yourself will happen in time as well.
Getting to know ourselves is an on going and constantly evolving process.
Talking and sharing helps me so much.
Take it easy, you are going so well.
Brain chemistry takes a while to sort itself out. Give it time, it takes a while to get messed up it will take a little time to sort itself out.
The sleeping will no doubt return in time.....getting comfortable with yourself will happen in time as well.
Getting to know ourselves is an on going and constantly evolving process.
Talking and sharing helps me so much.
Take it easy, you are going so well.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'd dug a very deep hole and although I did feel certifiably better I still did not feel happy or proud of myself for a long time. My self esteem was rea.ly battered and I struggled with depression.
I did accept the necessity to keep moving forward tho, and I trusted the people here who told me things would get better.
Those people did not lie H20nly...it really will get better. Hang in there
Of course if you feel like you're really disassociated it's probably a good idea to talk to someone. I had a counsellor who, apart from offering some suggestion, was great to just talk to and relate with.
D
I did accept the necessity to keep moving forward tho, and I trusted the people here who told me things would get better.
Those people did not lie H20nly...it really will get better. Hang in there
Of course if you feel like you're really disassociated it's probably a good idea to talk to someone. I had a counsellor who, apart from offering some suggestion, was great to just talk to and relate with.
D
Last edited by Dee74; 02-02-2015 at 02:36 PM.
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
You're doing great, H2only, even though it doesn't feel like it.
Congrats on your sober time.
I'm coming up to four months sober and I was feeling very depressed at about three months- all those feelings I had blocked out came raging back, and it was a shock.
I'm having counselling at the moment to talk through things, it is really helping with the depression and anxiety I've been experiencing.
Perhaps that is something you could think about ?
Hang in there, things will settle eventually.
Congrats on your sober time.
I'm coming up to four months sober and I was feeling very depressed at about three months- all those feelings I had blocked out came raging back, and it was a shock.
I'm having counselling at the moment to talk through things, it is really helping with the depression and anxiety I've been experiencing.
Perhaps that is something you could think about ?
Hang in there, things will settle eventually.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Alice Springs, NT, Down Under
Posts: 195
Originally Posted by Coldfusion 
I find that by working the 12 Steps, the Promises are coming true:
"1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves."
Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition; AAWS, 2001, pp. 83-84.2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves."
and what if you don't believe in God? what will there be for me?
I seriously disagree with no12. There is ONLY one entity in the whole universe that can change this behaviour and that is me.
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