I hate myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 514
I hate myself
Why oh why can I not do this???
How blooming simple should it be to not drink? Nobody is forcing me to do it so why?
A couple of weeks back I had far too much to drink on a Monday, chose to quit and didn't drink for 6 days. Then had too much last Sunday and didn't drink Mon-Wed. 2 bottles wine on Thu, 1 on Fri, 0 on Sat and then 2 today.
I'm sick of feeling 'off colour', sick of coming across drunken Facebook posts and emails, sick of not sleeping properly.
I hate myself and I'm also scared. My son will go off to Uni in just over 2 years time. If I don't get this under control by then I don't know what will happen.
Sorry for being so self indulgent in my first post
How blooming simple should it be to not drink? Nobody is forcing me to do it so why?
A couple of weeks back I had far too much to drink on a Monday, chose to quit and didn't drink for 6 days. Then had too much last Sunday and didn't drink Mon-Wed. 2 bottles wine on Thu, 1 on Fri, 0 on Sat and then 2 today.
I'm sick of feeling 'off colour', sick of coming across drunken Facebook posts and emails, sick of not sleeping properly.
I hate myself and I'm also scared. My son will go off to Uni in just over 2 years time. If I don't get this under control by then I don't know what will happen.
Sorry for being so self indulgent in my first post
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hello & welcome Esspee its nice to meet you youl find nothing but support
For me acceptance really is key i know that i cant drink safely or responsibly so no matter what i dont drink
but i needed to change for change to happen i got a sobriety plan & built on it & built on it & built on it
you have our support 5000%
For me acceptance really is key i know that i cant drink safely or responsibly so no matter what i dont drink
but i needed to change for change to happen i got a sobriety plan & built on it & built on it & built on it
you have our support 5000%
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum Esspee!! 
It's far from easy, but I found having loads of support to keep me focused was very important, my own willpower only got me so far!!
You'll find loads of support here on SR!! You can do this!!
It's far from easy, but I found having loads of support to keep me focused was very important, my own willpower only got me so far!!
You'll find loads of support here on SR!! You can do this!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
Have you made a plan for what to do when you get a craving? Making a plan really helped me in early sobriety. I typically had to get out of the house when I had cravings. Working out is a wonderful way to deal with cravings.
Keep hanging in there. I struggled when I first got here too.
Keep hanging in there. I struggled when I first got here too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 514
Thank you for your welcomes. I've got up out of bed (12.30am in the UK) and stuck the Super Bowl on and made a cup of tea.
I've got a pen and paper to jot out a plan and I've also written the days of the week on to sticky notes, one day per note. My front door has two panels so I'm going to have a 'sober panel' and the days I stay 'dry' the corresponding note will go on the 'sober panel'.
With it being on the front door I will see my progress daily and maybe that will help !!
I've got a pen and paper to jot out a plan and I've also written the days of the week on to sticky notes, one day per note. My front door has two panels so I'm going to have a 'sober panel' and the days I stay 'dry' the corresponding note will go on the 'sober panel'.
With it being on the front door I will see my progress daily and maybe that will help !!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Not drinking brought me lots of freedom.
Something I didn't really expect from stopping alcohol.
There are good bits to this freedom.
I sometimes used to go or a long drive with my music on in the evening. Being able to drive after 8pm was a novelty for me and I liked it.
I also got stacks of stuff done in the house. Things I had put off. Sorting out my photo's on line. Having massive clear outs at home. I cooked for the freezer. I read a lot more. Went to the cinema.
It was nice not being housebound and not slumped drunk on the sofa.
However, I do think when we stop drinking, we do have more time on our hands and for some people, me included, it can be an issue.
Sitting around thinking about not drinking and wanting to drink can be dangerous.
I am 3 years drink free in mid feb.
In the early days I had to be really active and busy every evening to stop me thinking about booze.
I sometimes divide my day up into 3 parts or segments.
Morning, afternoon and night.
I do something different in each of those segments.
So for example morning might be exercise, something like a walk. Afternoon could be laundry jobs. Evening might be going to the cinema.
I factor in things that are I enjoy but also tasks that I can get engrossed in so I don't think about drinking.
I work full time so a lot of the week mornings and afternoon are work, but I still divide the day up.
I just find doing it gives my day more structure.
I don't wander around the house aimlessly wondering what to do, where to go, and then this leads to thoughts of having a drink.
Now I don't really think about drinking. I don't want you take from my post that 3 years on nothing has changed or got better in terms of craving alcohol.
It has totally changed.
I don't miss it at all.
I don't crave it anymore. Not ever.
Don't hate yourself.
If it was so easy to stop drinking this forum would not exist. AA would not exist.
Maybe as well you might benefit from reading about AVRT.
It deals with those thoughts that tell you to have a drink for whatever reason.
If you use that sort of thinking tool when you are craving a drink, it might make you stop and think and prevent you from drinking.
I wish you the best xx
Something I didn't really expect from stopping alcohol.
There are good bits to this freedom.
I sometimes used to go or a long drive with my music on in the evening. Being able to drive after 8pm was a novelty for me and I liked it.
I also got stacks of stuff done in the house. Things I had put off. Sorting out my photo's on line. Having massive clear outs at home. I cooked for the freezer. I read a lot more. Went to the cinema.
It was nice not being housebound and not slumped drunk on the sofa.
However, I do think when we stop drinking, we do have more time on our hands and for some people, me included, it can be an issue.
Sitting around thinking about not drinking and wanting to drink can be dangerous.
I am 3 years drink free in mid feb.
In the early days I had to be really active and busy every evening to stop me thinking about booze.
I sometimes divide my day up into 3 parts or segments.
Morning, afternoon and night.
I do something different in each of those segments.
So for example morning might be exercise, something like a walk. Afternoon could be laundry jobs. Evening might be going to the cinema.
I factor in things that are I enjoy but also tasks that I can get engrossed in so I don't think about drinking.
I work full time so a lot of the week mornings and afternoon are work, but I still divide the day up.
I just find doing it gives my day more structure.
I don't wander around the house aimlessly wondering what to do, where to go, and then this leads to thoughts of having a drink.
Now I don't really think about drinking. I don't want you take from my post that 3 years on nothing has changed or got better in terms of craving alcohol.
It has totally changed.
I don't miss it at all.
I don't crave it anymore. Not ever.
Don't hate yourself.
If it was so easy to stop drinking this forum would not exist. AA would not exist.
Maybe as well you might benefit from reading about AVRT.
It deals with those thoughts that tell you to have a drink for whatever reason.
If you use that sort of thinking tool when you are craving a drink, it might make you stop and think and prevent you from drinking.
I wish you the best xx
AA member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 872
Welcome to SR Essee.
Don't hate yourself,make a decision to stay away from the first drink,whatever happens.
It is really as simple as staying away from that one drink,it helped me in my early days.
The advice about not having Alcohol in the house is good,less temptation.
I wish you well,stick close to the forums,you need never drink again.
Don't hate yourself,make a decision to stay away from the first drink,whatever happens.
It is really as simple as staying away from that one drink,it helped me in my early days.
The advice about not having Alcohol in the house is good,less temptation.
I wish you well,stick close to the forums,you need never drink again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 514
Thank you so much Sasha.
Splitting the day in to three is a great suggestion. I am very 'undomesticated' so just thinking 'I'm not going to drink but spend xxxday doing productive stuff round the house' would probably not do it BUT if it's 'just' a morning etc then I CAN do it!!
I can relate so much to what you have described. My drinking is slumped on the sofa drinking. If I was to add up all the hours I've wasted doing that it would probably explain why I wonder where all the years have gone!!
Splitting the day in to three is a great suggestion. I am very 'undomesticated' so just thinking 'I'm not going to drink but spend xxxday doing productive stuff round the house' would probably not do it BUT if it's 'just' a morning etc then I CAN do it!!
I can relate so much to what you have described. My drinking is slumped on the sofa drinking. If I was to add up all the hours I've wasted doing that it would probably explain why I wonder where all the years have gone!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Another tip. Write why you are quitting, or embarrassing things you did, things that make you cringe right now and have them ready to read when you AV shows up. Do you know about AVRT? Start making a plan. I read here all the time a have a personal plan to be sober. Use this resource as much as you need and welcome.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 514
Originally Posted by Nowsthetime 
Another tip. Write why you are quitting, or embarrassing things you did, things that make you cringe right now and have them ready to read when you AV shows up. Do you know about AVRT? Start making a plan. I read here all the time a have a personal plan to be sober. Use this resource as much as you need and welcome.
I've just been reading about AVRT and it makes sense to me. For me it seems the 'way to go' rather than AA. I'm not knocking AA at all (and being a practicing Christian you'd think it would be my 'thing') but for me it doesn't feel the way to go but this does x
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