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To twelve step or not to twelve step?

Old 02-01-2015, 11:23 AM
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To twelve step or not to twelve step?

Hello. I have been an alcoholic for many years and have had brief stints of sobriety on and off over the years. Whenever I had quit in the past I went to AA meetings. I did what I was supposed to do, thirty meeting in thirty days, had a sponsor, hung out with sober people, started working the steps, read the big book every night etc. The last time I quit I got my thirty day coin and was feeling really good about they way things were going.

The next day I was driving home from work and without arguing with myself I just stopped at the liquor store. It was like a huge weight was lifted since I didn't have to devote so much time and energy to simply not drinking. Then the guilt and depression returned. I walked in and bought some beer and went home and drank. I have been drinking every day since and that was over a year ago. I have read stories here and other sites like SR of people having great success with twelve step programs and some people think there a better alternatives. Some people say I would have stayed sober if I really wanted it bad enough, the thing is I really do want to quit drinking but I always go back to the same routine.

I understand that I need to deal with the reasons I self-medicate every day or I will never get sober. Does anyone have any experience with any alternative programs?
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Old 02-01-2015, 11:44 AM
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In the end all programs begin with you making a commitment to yourself.

No one else and no program can force you to keep your promise, that's all on you.

It doesn't sound like you had anything against AA, you just didn't do whatever it takes - such as not turning into the liquor store.

Many decisions are required every day to continue not to drink. They all come back to you not putting it in your mouth.

As far as dealing with the reasons - that comes in time. First things first. First you have to make a solid commitment that no matter what happens in your life, you won't try to fix it with alcohol.
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Old 02-01-2015, 12:13 PM
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Originally Posted by DJSid View Post
Some people say I would have stayed sober if I really wanted it bad enough, the thing is I really do want to quit drinking but I always go back to the same routine.
This is the cutting edge for you, DJ. What's it going to take to break your "routine?"

I got sober in spite of myself, and I imagine that I am not unique in this. I struggled with intense cravings for nearly a year, and my intention was to resume my drinking once I got back on my feet again. The line of least resistance, for me, was to submit to ourpatient treatment and daily AA meetings. The "carrot" was that this would get me up and going more quickly than anything else. Very distorted alcoholic thinking, for sure.

About four months into this, I found myself increasingly miserable with no hope of redemption. I got a sponsor and worked through the AA Big Book Twelve Steps with him, only hoping for a temproary reprieve from my misery. Even then, I fully expected to drink again, and my "plan" was still in place. I truly despised our sessions, but I forced myself to meet with him. Things gradually turned around for me, and I found myself wanting to get sober, if only because of all the work I'd put in to get back on my feet. I became more fully invested in that which I did not want.

I was essentially doing whatever was necessary for me to get sober, without also being fully aware that this is what I was doing.

You've got nothing to lose by working the Steps, or by committing yourself to whatever plan of action that will get you sober.
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Old 02-01-2015, 12:20 PM
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I'm not a 12 stepper or a meeting person.

I got sober alone and I would say that for me, I was ready to do the work
whereas before, I just wasn't done drinking yet.

"The work" for me wasn't meetings, but it was resisting temptatioins, building in other
interests and meaning to fill time I used to drink, being honest and journaling about my
denial and BS, and in general, embracing new habits and not engaging in old routines.

My whole life changed in that I could no longer "hang out" with my alky friends drinking
and talking alky talk. I had to face not only physical and mental withdrawals pretty much alone,
but I had to face the incredible crap that had driven the drinking all along.

Wasn't particularly easy, but neither was being a progressive alcoholic.
It was worth it, and I suppose my suggestion is that whatever route you choose
you must be "all in" and ready for serious discomfort while you stay the course and
get to the next level.

The next level, relatively stable sobriety, is actually pretty darn good.
Gotta break the habits to get there though.

Good luck and don't quit quitting--
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Old 02-01-2015, 12:26 PM
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Hi.
Some very good thoughts above.

It comes down to YA GUTA WANA end the misery of picking up by doing it your/our way. We hate following directions, it’s like admitting defeat. Well face it alcohol has defeated us and it will guaranteed to get worse if we continue to drink.
This following directions gets easier with time but the problem with many is after a certain period of feeling good the old AV starts playing games, especially if we slack off what we need to do, work and change.

BE WELL
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Old 02-01-2015, 12:29 PM
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If AA was working and you were felling good about the way things were going, why are ya lookin for something else?

No matter which method ya use, you will still have the choice to Go back to old habits.

With this statement:
. It was like a huge weight was lifted since I didn't have to devote so much time and energy to simply not drinking.
I devoted every second of every day to getting drunk for quite a while. Then when the pain of getting drunk exceeded the pain of reality I decided to devote just as much time into recovery as I devoted to drinking.

It seems yer lookin for an easy way. Welp, I don't think any way is easy. For a while.
Getting sober wasnt easy for most of us no matter what method.
But it got easier with the footwork.
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Old 02-01-2015, 01:05 PM
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I'm not an AA or 12 step member, I'm more into the secular options.

For me it was all about, revolutionising my routines, habits, my thought processes, plenty of acceptance that drinking and myself needed to part ways on a permanent basis and a healthy dose of support was required to keep me on track!!

It will take time to carve out a Sober life, and in the beginning I had a lot of uncomfortableness, but the longterm rewards are worth it!!
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Old 02-01-2015, 01:19 PM
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I like 12 step work. It isn't just drinking for me. To change a destructive routine is to change my actions and how I deal with everyday situations. I am using the 12 steps to tear down my current emotional process and rebuild it, learning to deal with stress, death, anger, loneliness, and all those other yucky things. They collect up in me because I don't deal with them. I numb them. 12 step makes me face them. Quitting drinking for me was pretty simple. What's left is what the program is for. I think it only mentions drinking in the first step.

Jennifer
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Old 02-01-2015, 01:24 PM
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Originally Posted by DJSid View Post
I understand that I need to deal with the reasons I self-medicate every day or I will never get sober. Does anyone have any experience with any alternative programs?
I used a bit of many approaches that seemed to be interesting and helpful, but never used any "program" as prescribed. I used my scientific knowledge that helped staying sober and dealing with temptations, but it did not help getting sober in the first place. I've used SR a lot, in a variety of ways. I also had your dilemma regarding the Steps, several times in fact. In my case, I had absolutely no reservation about AA or the program, the reason why I never worked the Steps officially was because I remained sober doing other things and was a bit lazy to add more.

I would say, if you have an interest in AA and step work, go for it. If you think it might help in ways other things don't help, go for it. What can you lose after all?

I'm not sure it's about "wanting" to stay sober so badly. I think it's more about motivation and commitment, sometimes against desire. I had really ambivalent feelings about wanting it or not initially as far as my automatic desires and impulses would go. My conscious, rational self definitely wanted recovery, but had countless drinking urges all the time and during those, I would not say I did not want to drink. But I didn't do it.

The question is, what do we each need to get through that phase when we are flooded by desires for alcohol? I think in the beginning we don't typically know what we need, more just recognize it sticks somewhere down the road, and then it becomes easier to continue. This is why whenever I suggest any "method" to anyone, it's to explore and experiment whatever is available and looks potentially useful.
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Old 02-01-2015, 05:44 PM
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Cool

Originally Posted by DJSid View Post
...I understand that I need to deal with the reasons I self-medicate every day or I will never get sober..."
You've gotten a lot of great suggestions regarding whether to 12-step or not. However, regarding your statement above, I disagree with it.......totally.

I know a lot of folks say that a person has got to know the 'why' before thy an stop, but I'm kinda in the 'nancy reagan' school of recovery on this. I relate this to.......I don't have to know why I touched the hot stove and got burned; I just have to remember that if I don't want to get burned, it's best if I don't touch the hot stove. Gotta luv keepin' it simple...............

(o:
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Old 02-01-2015, 09:10 PM
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Im in and have been in the same boat as you pretty much. Last time I did AA I got 31 days flat. I dont plan on going back to AA for the time being. I have no time. But I plan to use speaker tapes and the book along with other methods. No 12 step though. Hope it works out.

Thanks for posting this I got lots out of the replies.
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Old 02-02-2015, 02:08 AM
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So don't drive that route home. I've been sober 8 yrs. before and never discovered anything earth-shattering as to why I drank--I just did. Planning ahead if only for a few hrs. has helped me a great deal--less chance of the AV ambushing me. I found everything I use right here on SR--and yes I go to meetings once in a great while. I no longer put my eggs in one basket. Best wishes on making a work-able plan for YOU.
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