Finally able to live
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Sioux city, ia
Posts: 4
Finally able to live
This is my first ever to a recovery site and definitely the first time posting about my experiences but I feel the strong need to share.. I am an addict. I really, really loved opoids- mainly hydros but I have taken the majority of the different pills, except for heroin. I took pills for 5 years, starting when I was 19 and I am now 24. It started off with me having my wisdom teeth out and then a little later my tonsils, and then before I could catch it I had a full blown addiction. I started off with taking 3 7.5s or 10s a day and eventually I found myself taking 8-12 in a day. I finally hit rock bottom last week when I found myself going to court for driving with a suspended license due to nonpayment of a previous ticket. I also went to jail for the same thing the day before that and had never been to jail before.. I felt so ashamed of myself because I could have prevented all of that simply by paying the ticket.. I am a full time student and stopped working a few months ago so I could fully focus on school but found that I couldn't afford all the pills anymore. And no matter what money you come across it doesn't matter because it's never going to be enough to satisfy you. I am now 5 days sober (minus the adderall I am legit prescribed to and I don't abuse). I wish I could say it's been rainbows and sunshine, but honestly, this is probly the 2nd biggest life changer for me... The first one being the very day I started seeking pills out and abusing them. I have tried to quit before and when thru some withdrawals and did ok but always ended up taking a dro or two to "feel normal" and tried to convince myself that I could keep it at bay and not get sucked back in.. But I did. This time is a lot different for me. I have absolutely no desire to go through this hell ever again. Hydros changed my life and I let them. I am no longer giving them the power ever again to control me or affect my life again. I never thought I would be a drug addict when I was little and seeing the alcoholics on both sides of my family I am now only surprised I haven't become one as well. I did not go to a rehab of any sort as I have to go to school and have the opportunity of my lifetime that I waited a year to get into. I couldn't let the drugs think and make decisions for me anymore. It's time to grow up and face life the way it is meant to be.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,870
Welcome to SR, Bluestarz. This is a great site for support, understanding and encouragement. Great job on 5 days.
I don't know anything about substances; wine was my thing but poison is poison; living without it has been liberating.
I don't know anything about substances; wine was my thing but poison is poison; living without it has been liberating.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Sioux city, ia
Posts: 4
Thank you both! I really do appreciate anyone even taking the time to read what I have to say. I sit here and think about how the hell that I even got myself into this mess but, when someone is at the bottom there is only one way to go.. Up I hope!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 55
Welcome to the forum Bluestar, great first post! I think we've all asked ourselves "how did I get here?" and berated ourselves but beating yourself up about that will only hinder your recovery. Look forward, now that you are free of those pills there are brighter days ahead 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Sioux city, ia
Posts: 4
Thank you all. I am really trying to keep strong but sometimes it seems like I am fighting an uphill battle. Some days it seems like my mind and my body will never feel the same ever again. I am not normally so pessimistic but I am fighting a bad craving right now and would love nothing more than to seek out that comfort that I am so used to feeling. Again, thank you all.. I hate it when people talk about themselves too much and I just noticed that that is all I've been doing since this whole mess started
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