beyondourworld

Hello, im new here and need some help. My boyfriend is recovering from a heroin addiction. When we began dating, he was honest with me about his past and promised he wouldnt go back to that lifestyle. After some time, he began relapsing. Throughout our relationship, he attempted to quit many times but kept relapsing. I tired to be as supportive as I could but it wasnt enough to help him get out. Finally, he made a decision to go to rehab. Im proud of him beyond words because it was definitely hard to do. Im really happy that he put his health, our relationship and future first. After he left, I decided to move away for a while to focus on myself and my future. When I got to my relative's home, I thought It would be different. Easier. But it seems that its even harder here. my family, who know about my situation, have been so hard to be around. They are constantly negative and judgmental about him and and his family. They are even trying to introduce me to other guys, in hopes of "bettering" my life,even though I told them that I am not interested in anyone else but him. what makes me even more angry are their careless jokes about drugs. How could they joke about something that brings so much pain to people? In all of this negativity, I have begun to doubt myself and everything I know. I dont know what to do. I feel so broken from all this. I cant look at any object in this world without seeing the darkness behind it, even though im a very optimistic and positive person.. i try to work on my self esteem and confidence but am plauged by fears of not being enough or too broken for those around me (especially for my boyfriend) because of the mistakes I made. many of those mistakes have left physical scars and keep reminding me of how broken I am. I want to be strong again. more than anything, I want to be the best I can be for my boyfriend. Im sorry for unloading like this. I just dont know what to do. Can you please give me some advice on how to get through this situation? i appologize again and thank you so much for being patient with my extremely long post.

CodeJob

Welcome to SR beyond!

It sounds like you need help. Focus on you. Your partner is safe at the moment.

Can you find a Nar Anon or Al Anon or Celebrate Recovery meeting? These people will understand at least your feelings about your partner.

As for your physical & mental scars, can you see a counselor?

JOIE12

hello beyondourworld,

Nothing can prepare you for this situation. No one asks for the challenge of seeing our loved ones addicted to heroin. The most evil drug.

It seems to me that you are sad and falling into a depression. It's difficult for us to ask for help since we are used to carrying more than our own share of every burden ... alone. But please consider this. You can see a counselor or doctor to find out what your options may be.

Take this time to work on you. You didn't create this. You can't control this. But you can cope with it.

Look for a CODA, Nar-anon or Al-anon meeting in your area. They can give you support to learn about your own feelings and what you can do each day to cope.

I'm sorry that your family isn't supportive and understanding, but sometimes their fear for you may present itself in a strange manner.

Do you have another place to go while your ABF is in rehab ? it may help you

I am against medications of any kind but a doctor can prescribe a light med that can help you over the hump so that you can think more clearly and avoid this dark place that is so easy to fall into.

I am saying a prayer for you each day during this troublesome time. We are all here for you anytime you need us. Keep writing, keep us updated. There are so many that have been were you are and are so willing to share their stories in the hope that you see that you are not alone. They will be along shortly .....

Hugs for you ((( )))
Joie

zoso77

Welcome to the Board. My hope is you find comfort here as you're amongst people who've been where you are in one way or another.

If I had a dime for every time I read a sentence like this, I could retire early and comfortably. First, the addict "comes clean" about their past, promises they're never going to touch the stuff again, but before you can blink, they're using.

Regarding your family:

I agree that their jokes about drugs in your presence are not appropriate, and they certainly aren't helpful. That said however, I highlighted the above in bold print because I'm not sure you fully understand what you're signing up for.

If your ABF is serious about recovery (which remains to be seen), he is not going to have the bandwidth to be a serious, committed partner in a romantic relationship. Staying clean is essentially a full time job. So you have to ask yourself why you'd be settling for someone who is not capable of giving you what you need.

We're not couples counselors here. And you're free to ignore or disregard anything we tell you. But before you do, I encourage you to read as many posts as you can. Once you do, you'll see that what's going on with you has happened before to other people and will happen again to other people in the future. Based on what you learn, you can then make a decision on what's best for you.

Regarding your family...the best way to handle them when they give you unsolicited advice is to tell them when you want their input, you'll ask for it.

Stick around. Read. Learn. Then decide what is best for you. And again, Welcome to the Board.

beyondourworld

Today I talked to my doctor and explored a few options. Im looking into aromatherapy and bach flower remedies. Got a few and am really excited them out :-)

beyondourworld

my bf was allowed to contact his parents as well and is doing well. Ive also decided to get back to the activities i used to love. I hope things will begin to feel easier.

beyondourworld

Things are getting easier. I had a few bumps in the road but amazing friends on chat have been there for me constantly. Im moving tomorrow and hopefully things will get better. Im excited to have another adventure. From what I hear, my bf is doing really well. It seems like things are finally looking up for me :-)

BlueChair

This is great to hear!

Im so happy your doing things you enjoy, chatting with friends, and having adventures! Life is a wonderful thing. Wonderful your BF is doing well in rehab and I hope it continues to go well for him.

Thanks for updating.