Should I be the drink police?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Colorado, USA
Posts: 433
Should I be the drink police?
Hmm. New here. Poking my head in and looking around.
Never thought I'd have to deal with something like this. I am going to look for a local Al-Anon meeting. Sounds like they are very supportive and might help me keep my head on straight; get some perspective.
My H made a fool of himself at a neighbors get-together last weekend; first time I've seen him so inebriated. He didn't control it probably because he knew he didn't have to drive and could just walk across the street. I couldn't believe his behavior!
I was having a good time talking to friends and socializing and didn't "get it" until the end that he was drunk. I was mortified; he was slurring words and stumbling; others made jokes. We are not young and foolish any more and I was so mad when I finally realized.
My counselor said today, he should be evaluated. Yeah, like he's going to go do that! He does admit there is a problem finally, though. He thinks he can just cut back. Drinks 2 to 3 beers every evening after work; starts drinking at noon on weekends.
I've talked with him a few times about his drinking during the past several months (first time in 25 years of marriage I've felt the need to address it). After last weekend, I cannot tolerate it. I now feel upset when I see him drinking. I wonder if I need to be the drink police and take note of how many he's had? I've never bothered to pay much attention before. Let him do his own thing. Trusted him to be reasonable.
He wants to go to Oktoberfest next month with friends. I feel like telling him, forget it!
Can a person's memory and thinking be affected if they drink only 2 to 3 beers a day? Can they be affected during the day when they aren't drinking? I am afraid he's getting Alzheimer's or something the way he's been lately. I was blaming stress at work, but could it be the booze that's affecting his thought processes?
I'm just rambling I guess; new to this and in a sad, unhappy place with recent realizations that there is a problem worse than I ever realized. Thanks for listening.
Never thought I'd have to deal with something like this. I am going to look for a local Al-Anon meeting. Sounds like they are very supportive and might help me keep my head on straight; get some perspective.
My H made a fool of himself at a neighbors get-together last weekend; first time I've seen him so inebriated. He didn't control it probably because he knew he didn't have to drive and could just walk across the street. I couldn't believe his behavior!
I was having a good time talking to friends and socializing and didn't "get it" until the end that he was drunk. I was mortified; he was slurring words and stumbling; others made jokes. We are not young and foolish any more and I was so mad when I finally realized.
My counselor said today, he should be evaluated. Yeah, like he's going to go do that! He does admit there is a problem finally, though. He thinks he can just cut back. Drinks 2 to 3 beers every evening after work; starts drinking at noon on weekends.
I've talked with him a few times about his drinking during the past several months (first time in 25 years of marriage I've felt the need to address it). After last weekend, I cannot tolerate it. I now feel upset when I see him drinking. I wonder if I need to be the drink police and take note of how many he's had? I've never bothered to pay much attention before. Let him do his own thing. Trusted him to be reasonable.
He wants to go to Oktoberfest next month with friends. I feel like telling him, forget it!
Can a person's memory and thinking be affected if they drink only 2 to 3 beers a day? Can they be affected during the day when they aren't drinking? I am afraid he's getting Alzheimer's or something the way he's been lately. I was blaming stress at work, but could it be the booze that's affecting his thought processes?
I'm just rambling I guess; new to this and in a sad, unhappy place with recent realizations that there is a problem worse than I ever realized. Thanks for listening.
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Hi Neagrm,
Welcome. Maybe some of the alcoholics in the other forums can tell you about memory loss. I know my H was doing more than I knew about. He was blacking out (conscious but can't remember a thing afterwards). Acting messed up when I thought he wasn't doing anything. Couldn't finish projects. Every person is different in the way alcohol and/or drugs affect them.
I know it is a scary and painful time for you, but reaching out will help. Being here and seeking out meetings are both things you can do to take care of you. There are some really great people here. Feel free to browse, vent, reply, or share. Don't miss the power posts at the top of the forum. There is some great information there. You don't have to go through this alone. Hugs, Magic
Welcome. Maybe some of the alcoholics in the other forums can tell you about memory loss. I know my H was doing more than I knew about. He was blacking out (conscious but can't remember a thing afterwards). Acting messed up when I thought he wasn't doing anything. Couldn't finish projects. Every person is different in the way alcohol and/or drugs affect them.
I know it is a scary and painful time for you, but reaching out will help. Being here and seeking out meetings are both things you can do to take care of you. There are some really great people here. Feel free to browse, vent, reply, or share. Don't miss the power posts at the top of the forum. There is some great information there. You don't have to go through this alone. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
lol...
Love the title of your thread...
But no... you shouldn't..
It must be very disconcerting to realize you have this problem in your midst... and I can feel your confusion and feeling of betrayal...
The thing is... addiction is a disease... and although we'd love to hold the addict/alkie accountable for his behavior... and demand that he/she stop... we really are powerless over their behavior and can only make changes in ourselves so that we can either learn to cope with the addiction in our midst... or choose to remove ourselves.
This board is overflowing with understanding, love, and the experience, strength and hope of addict/alkie and non addict alike.
I hope you find the answers that give you peace.
Love the title of your thread...
But no... you shouldn't..
It must be very disconcerting to realize you have this problem in your midst... and I can feel your confusion and feeling of betrayal...
The thing is... addiction is a disease... and although we'd love to hold the addict/alkie accountable for his behavior... and demand that he/she stop... we really are powerless over their behavior and can only make changes in ourselves so that we can either learn to cope with the addiction in our midst... or choose to remove ourselves.
This board is overflowing with understanding, love, and the experience, strength and hope of addict/alkie and non addict alike.
I hope you find the answers that give you peace.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Heart of Dixie
Posts: 168
Glad you are here there are alot of nice people here and posting my feelings and reading about others has been a great help to me . Its like turning to a friend that is non judgemental and understanding at the same time. Please keep coming back and keep reaching out for help. The only thing we can do is focus on ourselves and trust God to handle everything else. Prayers and hugs to you
Radar
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Colorado Springs
Posts: 199
Hi Neagrm. Welcome to the site. I have first hand experience that drinking kills brain cells. My A is really suffering from that. He can't remember things, he can't find anything... today he called me at work because he couldn't find a safety pin. I will tell him something and have to remind him over and over... I have to leave notes so he will remember to do something that has to be done. He is not a bad A; he doesn't get drunk everyday. On his days off and other times but he is a functioning A. He has gone from a together guy to an old man in the 15 years I've known him. Yes... alcohol can cause brain damage as well as liver and kidney problems.
I feel for you. I hope you can work it out with him. Please keep posting.
I feel for you. I hope you can work it out with him. Please keep posting.
See my horse, Angel!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Land of Cheese
Posts: 45
That is so scary because my H has been the same exact way for about 9 or more months. It also is getting worse and worse. I too have to say things over and over and over, write notes, treat him like a child cause he can't concentrate, or remember anything. I hate this!!! I want my husband back, minus the drinking!! 
Sometimes, It takes awhile!!!
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: where my feet are!!!
Posts: 58
Welcome Neagrm,
Sounds like we are talking about the same fellow...my A...(whom I dont live with right now) is also not a spring chicken...and never one of those abusive fall down drunks....Mr. Responsible...drinks everyday...but never drunk, drunk??? But is he every really sober? I'm am an alcoholic and attend AA. (safed my life)!!! I've been with my A for 6 yrs....4 of which i've been in AA....poor fellow he meets me in a bar...then I turn around and get sober...LOL Anyway, lately he told me people have been telling him he is forgeting stuff....he called the other night(late) he was sluring words and talking that drunk talk...I said...wow, your pretty drunk...he said..."I have too!!!" I understand that statement...He may look together on the outside...but inside he has so much pain and especially with this brakeup...all his life he turned to alcohol for an answer...to quite the pain!!! I ask God to let nothing work for him anymore the drinking the so called together life...and then i ask God to show me...how he is working his my A's life....! My A come home one day and said he just cant stand the alcoholics at the bar anymore...he said in the last week....he has told 3 of them to get away from him...oh my....I made a joke...i said...ya, God stands for Group Of Drunks.....lol he said...you mean Gang of Drunks, but at least yours are in recovery...!! I realized something this morning...which I knew deep inside all along..but it is becoming clearer to me everyday...because I tried to change, fix him...but he can not change...until he puts down the drink...and his mind begins to clear...then, and only then can he begin a new life...a new way of thinking...! Maybe just maybe the things that are happening to our A's could be a blessing. Keep praying keep posting yes and find alanon....As long as someone has breath in them there is always HOPE!!! So I leave my A in God's hands...and try the best I can to enjoy mine. Talk to God, like you would your best friend, tell him your pain, your worries, your heartaches, he loves you...and watch him move in your life..He will...he promised....He who comes to me i will not cast out!!!..Draw near to God and he will draw near to you!! Serenity777
Sounds like we are talking about the same fellow...my A...(whom I dont live with right now) is also not a spring chicken...and never one of those abusive fall down drunks....Mr. Responsible...drinks everyday...but never drunk, drunk??? But is he every really sober? I'm am an alcoholic and attend AA. (safed my life)!!! I've been with my A for 6 yrs....4 of which i've been in AA....poor fellow he meets me in a bar...then I turn around and get sober...LOL Anyway, lately he told me people have been telling him he is forgeting stuff....he called the other night(late) he was sluring words and talking that drunk talk...I said...wow, your pretty drunk...he said..."I have too!!!" I understand that statement...He may look together on the outside...but inside he has so much pain and especially with this brakeup...all his life he turned to alcohol for an answer...to quite the pain!!! I ask God to let nothing work for him anymore the drinking the so called together life...and then i ask God to show me...how he is working his my A's life....! My A come home one day and said he just cant stand the alcoholics at the bar anymore...he said in the last week....he has told 3 of them to get away from him...oh my....I made a joke...i said...ya, God stands for Group Of Drunks.....lol he said...you mean Gang of Drunks, but at least yours are in recovery...!! I realized something this morning...which I knew deep inside all along..but it is becoming clearer to me everyday...because I tried to change, fix him...but he can not change...until he puts down the drink...and his mind begins to clear...then, and only then can he begin a new life...a new way of thinking...! Maybe just maybe the things that are happening to our A's could be a blessing. Keep praying keep posting yes and find alanon....As long as someone has breath in them there is always HOPE!!! So I leave my A in God's hands...and try the best I can to enjoy mine. Talk to God, like you would your best friend, tell him your pain, your worries, your heartaches, he loves you...and watch him move in your life..He will...he promised....He who comes to me i will not cast out!!!..Draw near to God and he will draw near to you!! Serenity777
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Colorado, USA
Posts: 433
Wow, thank you all so much for the warm welcome. I'm impressed. Cannot answer everyone individually right now, wish I could. I so appreciate your responses and am surprised. It means so much! Bless you all,
Nea
Nea
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