The Language of Letting Go, Jan. 31
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The Language of Letting Go, Jan. 31
JANUARY 31
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Asking for What We Need
One evening, I was alone, weary, and exhausted. I was in the midst of extensive traveling, disconnected from friends and family. I had flown home for the evening, but it seemed like nobody noticed. People were used to me being gone.
It was late at night, and I began arguing with Higher Power.
"I'm out there working hard. I'm lonely. I need to know someone cares. You've told me to tell you what I need and tonight, Higher Power, I particularly need the presence of male energy. I need a friend, someone I can trust to care about me in a nonsexual, nonexploitive way. I need to be held. Now, where are you?"
I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes. I was too tired to do anything but let go.
The telephone rang minutes later. It was a former colleague who had since become my friend. "Hey, kid," he said. "You sound really tired and needy. Stay right where you are. I'm going to drive out and give you a foot rub. It sounds exactly like what you need."
Half an hour later, he knocked on my door. He brought a small bottle of oil with him, and gently massaged my feet, gave me a hug, told me how much he cared about me, then left.
I smiled. I had received exactly what I asked for.
It is safe to trust Higher Power.
Today, I will remember Higher Power cares about what I need, especially if I do.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Asking for What We Need
One evening, I was alone, weary, and exhausted. I was in the midst of extensive traveling, disconnected from friends and family. I had flown home for the evening, but it seemed like nobody noticed. People were used to me being gone.
It was late at night, and I began arguing with Higher Power.
"I'm out there working hard. I'm lonely. I need to know someone cares. You've told me to tell you what I need and tonight, Higher Power, I particularly need the presence of male energy. I need a friend, someone I can trust to care about me in a nonsexual, nonexploitive way. I need to be held. Now, where are you?"
I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes. I was too tired to do anything but let go.
The telephone rang minutes later. It was a former colleague who had since become my friend. "Hey, kid," he said. "You sound really tired and needy. Stay right where you are. I'm going to drive out and give you a foot rub. It sounds exactly like what you need."
Half an hour later, he knocked on my door. He brought a small bottle of oil with him, and gently massaged my feet, gave me a hug, told me how much he cared about me, then left.
I smiled. I had received exactly what I asked for.
It is safe to trust Higher Power.
Today, I will remember Higher Power cares about what I need, especially if I do.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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Interesting. I never ask for anything in particular. I pray a la step 11 - 'knowledge of HPs will and understanding and the power to carry that out.'
Even when I pray for other people it is now more along that line.
Even when I pray for other people it is now more along that line.
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Posts: 1,859
This reminded me of an experience I had while in rehab.
In the last days of my drinking, I was with a girl that stuck by me. Had been with her for a couple of years, although I was incapable of having any kind of relationship. She was someone who took care of me, and I had sex with.
About 2 weeks into my rehab stay I got a call from her. We had phone privileges from 8-10. She for some crazy reason felt it was the right time to tell me she had met someone else. Told me some details I didn't need to know also. When I hung up the phone I felt devastated and alone. I felt I would never be with another woman, only way I knew to be with a woman was with the help of alcohol. I was in a really bad space, wanted to drink, wanted to pack it all in but was willing to try and apply the things I was learning. I talked to the friends I had made in the rehab. I basically got a lot of the old, "There are plenty of fish in the ocean," responses which didn't help any. I went to my counselor. I don't really remember what he said but it didn't help any either. With nowhere else to go I was ready and willing to try "god". I got on my knees in tears begging for some sort of help or relief from what I was feeling. I prayed as though I were talking to a best friend. And then I just laid on my bed.
Within an hour of that prayer someone called me saying I had another phone call. They didn't know who it was. When I got to the phone, it was a girl I had dated years earlier. A girl I really liked and never stopped liking, but it didn't work out because - well, I was a drunk. It was completely bizarre that this person would call me, as I hadn't spoken to her in years. I asked how she knew I was in the hospital and got the number. She told me she just happened to run into a mutual friend of ours (my only real friend at the time) and asked about me. He told her I was in a rehab and she was really happy for me. She asked him if there was any way she could get in touch and he gave her the number. The windup of that phone call was that she wanted to get together with me as soon as I got out of the hospital.
I'm actually getting choked up right now remembering that experience. I had 2 other similar "coincidences" happen while I had my stay at the rehab. Things that were just too profound for me not to start believing there was some force pulling for me out there in the universe.
I don't believe in a god that's directly involved in all the intricacies of my life looking to right any troubles I may be having. I do believe in a power I can turn to however for strength when needed. And while I'll never completely define, or be able to explain my HP - I do believe my HP gave me very clear signs early in recovery to let me know I could believe and trust. Dang brain of mine still likes to get in the way of that trust lots of times...
Anyhow, I'm glad I took a look at this message today. I don't usually read these. Have a few things going on that told me have a look here. Hmmm.....
.
In the last days of my drinking, I was with a girl that stuck by me. Had been with her for a couple of years, although I was incapable of having any kind of relationship. She was someone who took care of me, and I had sex with.
About 2 weeks into my rehab stay I got a call from her. We had phone privileges from 8-10. She for some crazy reason felt it was the right time to tell me she had met someone else. Told me some details I didn't need to know also. When I hung up the phone I felt devastated and alone. I felt I would never be with another woman, only way I knew to be with a woman was with the help of alcohol. I was in a really bad space, wanted to drink, wanted to pack it all in but was willing to try and apply the things I was learning. I talked to the friends I had made in the rehab. I basically got a lot of the old, "There are plenty of fish in the ocean," responses which didn't help any. I went to my counselor. I don't really remember what he said but it didn't help any either. With nowhere else to go I was ready and willing to try "god". I got on my knees in tears begging for some sort of help or relief from what I was feeling. I prayed as though I were talking to a best friend. And then I just laid on my bed.
Within an hour of that prayer someone called me saying I had another phone call. They didn't know who it was. When I got to the phone, it was a girl I had dated years earlier. A girl I really liked and never stopped liking, but it didn't work out because - well, I was a drunk. It was completely bizarre that this person would call me, as I hadn't spoken to her in years. I asked how she knew I was in the hospital and got the number. She told me she just happened to run into a mutual friend of ours (my only real friend at the time) and asked about me. He told her I was in a rehab and she was really happy for me. She asked him if there was any way she could get in touch and he gave her the number. The windup of that phone call was that she wanted to get together with me as soon as I got out of the hospital.
I'm actually getting choked up right now remembering that experience. I had 2 other similar "coincidences" happen while I had my stay at the rehab. Things that were just too profound for me not to start believing there was some force pulling for me out there in the universe.
I don't believe in a god that's directly involved in all the intricacies of my life looking to right any troubles I may be having. I do believe in a power I can turn to however for strength when needed. And while I'll never completely define, or be able to explain my HP - I do believe my HP gave me very clear signs early in recovery to let me know I could believe and trust. Dang brain of mine still likes to get in the way of that trust lots of times...
Anyhow, I'm glad I took a look at this message today. I don't usually read these. Have a few things going on that told me have a look here. Hmmm.....
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