83 cents... wow
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
83 cents... wow
This is embarrassing, but I wanted to share it... and you all are the only ones I feel comfortable sharing this sort of thing with 
Last night I was looking in the medicine cabinet and I picked up an ace bandage that was rolled up. Some change fell out. When I saw it I remembered having put it in there after taking it probably from AH's pocket while he was passed out drunk several months ago. This was common for me when AH was drinking. In fact this is not the first time I have found money, since AH stopped drinking, hidden in random places.
But it really made me sad, and made me think about how desperate I had become... Like taking 83 cents and hiding it was going to make a difference... really Kboys?
It made me think about all of the time and energy I spent doing things like that, after he had passed out and the babies were asleep, in an effort to try to control his behaviors, even though I knew it was not going to help. Like searching through all the cabinets and in the garage trying to find vodka, dumping it out, replacing half with water, obsessively looking through his phone, searching his pockets.
All the time I spent doing that, when I could have been doing something FOR ME.
But it also made me realize how far I have come since then... still a long way to go, but things are looking up
Thanks for reading
Last night I was looking in the medicine cabinet and I picked up an ace bandage that was rolled up. Some change fell out. When I saw it I remembered having put it in there after taking it probably from AH's pocket while he was passed out drunk several months ago. This was common for me when AH was drinking. In fact this is not the first time I have found money, since AH stopped drinking, hidden in random places.
But it really made me sad, and made me think about how desperate I had become... Like taking 83 cents and hiding it was going to make a difference... really Kboys?
It made me think about all of the time and energy I spent doing things like that, after he had passed out and the babies were asleep, in an effort to try to control his behaviors, even though I knew it was not going to help. Like searching through all the cabinets and in the garage trying to find vodka, dumping it out, replacing half with water, obsessively looking through his phone, searching his pockets.
All the time I spent doing that, when I could have been doing something FOR ME.
But it also made me realize how far I have come since then... still a long way to go, but things are looking up
Thanks for reading
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Oh yes, I can relate to your post so well. Not the specifics, but the slow but sure progress. Looking back and shaking my head because I couldn't believe how low I went in my sick relationship. In the Big Book, Bill Wilson says it's "progress, not perfection", a phrase I love since it kept me from beating myself up. It's a reminder to be gentle with ourselves, cut ourselves some slack. Thanks so much for posting!
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
UGH...Completely understand.
Even now I cringe when I know my XAH has cash in hand. I had to pay him for something over lunch today and gave it to him in cash. It still made me think about how i'm sure he will go drink it up. I caught myself, but just that it took up space in my head for a little bit disgusts me.
No changing the past, but we sure are changing the future!
XXX
Even now I cringe when I know my XAH has cash in hand. I had to pay him for something over lunch today and gave it to him in cash. It still made me think about how i'm sure he will go drink it up. I caught myself, but just that it took up space in my head for a little bit disgusts me.
No changing the past, but we sure are changing the future!
XXX
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Yes. Yes. AMEN!!
All the time I spent going around in crazy behavior when I could have been working on me. I'm valuing my days better now, and need to remind myself how vital my healthy habits are. Thank you so much for posting this.
My sponsor had great advice for me this week. To give $ if I can afford to and want to, without crossing to his side and concerning myself with what happens to it. To work my program and keep my focus on myself. This is the first time I've easily been able to say, this is all I have to give and no more. And then i truly wasn't concerned about what happened to it. This living paycheck to paycheck is actually a blessing in disguise for me, because I have so much work to do with my own money management. And I'm happy and learning.
All the time I spent going around in crazy behavior when I could have been working on me. I'm valuing my days better now, and need to remind myself how vital my healthy habits are. Thank you so much for posting this.
My sponsor had great advice for me this week. To give $ if I can afford to and want to, without crossing to his side and concerning myself with what happens to it. To work my program and keep my focus on myself. This is the first time I've easily been able to say, this is all I have to give and no more. And then i truly wasn't concerned about what happened to it. This living paycheck to paycheck is actually a blessing in disguise for me, because I have so much work to do with my own money management. And I'm happy and learning.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: oklahoma
Posts: 85
I went to go look at my profile on here the other day and in the about me section was some stupid stuff about HIM and his addiction freezing me out. I really laughed at myself and thought well that's completely not about me at all. Just little stuff that makes you think like your 83 cents >_< idk I guess there's hope if we can look at it and go lol wow.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Kboys, we all can take credit for doing the crazy stuff. Wow!!
I just know how hard it is for an addict to abstain from alcohol or drugs. I know how hard it is for me to abstain from my addict. That's my goal everyday to work my program and stay away from my addiction. I was successful today!!! One day at a time!!!
I just know how hard it is for an addict to abstain from alcohol or drugs. I know how hard it is for me to abstain from my addict. That's my goal everyday to work my program and stay away from my addiction. I was successful today!!! One day at a time!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 430
Totally relate to what you're talking about. I emptied the little change bowls on our countertops and probably spared him from scraping together 4 bucks. Pffft!
Also reminds me that a couple of weeks ago I was at an Al-Anon meeting. After everyone had had their chance to share, this group allows cross talk. Someone brought up the topic of checking their qualifier's phones -- and every single person around the table admitted to having done it at some point...and me? I had done it THAT MORNING. I discovered an unfamiliar number on New Year's Eve calling him at like 2 am. WTH!?
I decide to call it (after looking up how to block my number) and as soon as I entered all the digits in my phone, it pops up with a name from one of my contacts.
Turns out that I was the one who called him that night! It was from my friend's phone bc my battery had died.
OMG. I knew I was totally insane in that moment -- and had to stop doing crap like that for my own well being.
Finding our way back to serenity, one realization at a time, eh? Thanks so much for sharing your experience.
Also reminds me that a couple of weeks ago I was at an Al-Anon meeting. After everyone had had their chance to share, this group allows cross talk. Someone brought up the topic of checking their qualifier's phones -- and every single person around the table admitted to having done it at some point...and me? I had done it THAT MORNING. I discovered an unfamiliar number on New Year's Eve calling him at like 2 am. WTH!?
I decide to call it (after looking up how to block my number) and as soon as I entered all the digits in my phone, it pops up with a name from one of my contacts.
Turns out that I was the one who called him that night! It was from my friend's phone bc my battery had died.
OMG. I knew I was totally insane in that moment -- and had to stop doing crap like that for my own well being.
Finding our way back to serenity, one realization at a time, eh? Thanks so much for sharing your experience.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
Originally Posted by Sotiredofitall 
Kboys...thats a crazy train I think we've all had tickets for. Hugs~
I was obsessed with anticipating RAH's next move so I could do damage control.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
Thanks everybody! I'm glad I'm not the only one who took the crazy train
"I decide to call it (after looking up how to block my number) and as soon as I entered all the digits in my phone, it pops up with a name from one of my contacts.
Turns out that I was the one who called him that night! It was from my friend's phone bc my battery had died."
LOL! I've done that one too! Thanks shinebright
"I decide to call it (after looking up how to block my number) and as soon as I entered all the digits in my phone, it pops up with a name from one of my contacts.
Turns out that I was the one who called him that night! It was from my friend's phone bc my battery had died."
LOL! I've done that one too! Thanks shinebright
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
This brings back memories.
My favorite "trick" was when we were out at the bars & then-AH would blow through cash like he was made of money & he was so mindless about it he could lose it as easily as spend it. Which made my uber-responsible side go --->
I would offer to grab the next round, take his $20 to the bar to pay for it & keep the change....every round. A lot of the time he would "spend" $100 & I would come home & add $50 to my savings.
My favorite "trick" was when we were out at the bars & then-AH would blow through cash like he was made of money & he was so mindless about it he could lose it as easily as spend it. Which made my uber-responsible side go --->
I would offer to grab the next round, take his $20 to the bar to pay for it & keep the change....every round. A lot of the time he would "spend" $100 & I would come home & add $50 to my savings.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
Originally Posted by FireSprite
This brings back memories.
My favorite "trick" was when we were out at the bars & then-AH would blow through cash like he was made of money & he was so mindless about it he could lose it as easily as spend it. Which made my uber-responsible side go --->
.
My favorite "trick" was when we were out at the bars & then-AH would blow through cash like he was made of money & he was so mindless about it he could lose it as easily as spend it. Which made my uber-responsible side go --->
.
I don't know how many times my AH came home from the bar and told me all his money was "stolen." And you know, I think he actually did believe that, because he couldn't comprehend either, how he could blow through so much money in one night.... so it must have been "stolen"
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Uk
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Had to laugh at all of the posts above I got to the point where all change and my purse were stored between the divan and the mattress. Night wanderings by STBEAh going through my bag trying to find enough cash for his next bottle after he lost his job
Another good reason to add to my list of why I left
Thank you for sharing x
Another good reason to add to my list of why I left
Thank you for sharing x
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
Originally Posted by SHETRIM
Had to laugh at all of the posts above I got to the point where all change and my purse were stored between the divan and the mattress. Night wanderings by STBEAh going through my bag trying to find enough cash for his next bottle after he lost his job
Another good reason to add to my list of why I left
Thank you for sharing x
Another good reason to add to my list of why I left
Thank you for sharing x
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Indiana
Posts: 503
Wow, I check everything obsessively. i liken it to OCD or a tic because I "feel" better once I do it. The unknown is the WORST. When I got the call from the jail regarding my son's DUI, I was relatively calm, as if I expected it. This is just no way to live.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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Originally Posted by INgal
Wow, I check everything obsessively. i liken it to OCD or a tic because I "feel" better once I do it. The unknown is the WORST. When I got the call from the jail regarding my son's DUI, I was relatively calm, as if I expected it. This is just no way to live.
The fourth arrest, he sent me a text that said, "I'm going to jail."
And I replied, "okay. Love you. Call me when you can."
Like he had just told me he was going to the store or something.
Yeah, definitely not normal.
And I definitely relate to the "feel better once I do it."
I knew that taking loose change from AH's pockets was not going to make him stop drinking... and yet, back then, I just COULD not stop myself from doing those things anyway. I just had to.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Been there and the person I was with was not an alcoholic, he was a compulsive liar!
I broke up with him after three long years. I found a $20 stashed in a sock, in my drawer, after he was gone for four years and I had moved twice. I pitched the socks, kept the $20!
I broke up with him after three long years. I found a $20 stashed in a sock, in my drawer, after he was gone for four years and I had moved twice. I pitched the socks, kept the $20!
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