INgal

I'm the mother of a beautiful 25 y.o. son who has made a complete mess of his life. Since high school he has been drinking & smoking pot. Made it to med school only to show up high and ultimately get kicked out. Got his first DUI two weeks ago. Probably would have gotten it long ago had my husband and I not pulled him out of many bars, or took the keys, or blocked his car. He is a binge drinker, usually on a two week cycle. I have been monitoring his activity for many years, trying to prevent further damage. I've gone from a bubbly, vibrant, happy optimist to a nervous, defeated, hopeless blob. This lifestyle is RIDICULOUS.

After the DUI he agreed to go to an IOP program. He is currently on Antabuse and an antidepressant. I think he is sufficiently scared of the Antabuse (I've been pushing for it for months) but since he finds it all very difficult to talk about, I wonder how the counseling will work.

Thanks for letting me introduce myself. I plan to attend Al-Anon soon. My husband and I went to one meeting. It was extremely awkward as the only other person there was the facilitator who was mostly interested in talking about her ex. I hope I can find a well-attended meeting this time.

I'm open to any and all suggestions. My kid is smart but very naïve to the world. He doesn't seem to grasp the gravity of the problem, although one time we picked him up and he kept saying "I CANT STOP". Why wouldn't a person in this situation beg for help? I'm so confused.

Sotiredofitall

Whether you are a parent or not, you are dealing with an alcoholic. Information on what that means and how to help is available on the stickies above. Keep coming back as there are many, many in here that have been there and been through it. Hugs to you. I'm relatively new and dealing with more than one with issues with alcohol. Its a journey to be sure!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

LexieCat

Hi, and welcome. Sorry for the reason you're here, but glad you found us.

Well, it sounds as if you've discovered one of the primary principles in dealing with an alcoholic--you can't control their drinking. You've sure tried, haven't you?

It sounds as if it might be time for him to be responsible for his own messes. You keep protecting him, and he isn't experiencing the consequences of his downward spiral.

I'd suggest you get yourself to Al-Anon ASAP. Your efforts aren't helping him, and you are making yourself a nervous wreck.

Duckygirl1

Hello dear one, I'm new too. My 27 year old daughter is a recovering A who will have her 5 year anniversary at the end of this month. She started drinking and doing drugs in HS. She's also been diagnosed bi polar, but I have some issues with that. It can get better, but you will lose your mind until it does if you don't get help. So glad you are here and taking those first steps!!! (((Hug)))

xrcher

hello i am a daughter of an alcholic mother. i am new here but your post caught my attention.

i'am struglling with the fact i lost my mother to alcohlism. i never thought she would die, let alone to alcohol.

f you like to talk, i'm here

maia1234

Welcome IN-

You have lots to do if you want to smile again. Keep trying alonon meetins. There is open aa meetings that you can go to. Keep reading on Friends and family plus you can go to the alcohol side.

So much to read and educate yourself to our reality. You need to step back and start giving your son some consequences for his actions. Stop cushining his fall. I have an awesome post that I borrowed from an A that really hits home. ((((((hugs)))))

If you love me let me fall all by myself. Don't try to spread a net out to catch me, don't throw a pillow under my a** to cushion the pain so I don't have to feel it, don't stand in the place I am going to land so that you can break the fall (allowing yourself to get hurt instead of me) ...

Let me fall as far down as my addiction is going to take me, let me walk the valley alone all by myself, let me reach the bottom of the pit ... trust that there is a bottom there somewhere even if you can't see it. The sooner you stop saving me from myself, stop rescuing me, trying to fix my broken-ness, trying to understand me to a fault, enabling me ...

The sooner you allow me to feel the loss and consequences, the burden of my addiction on my shoulders and not yours ... the sooner I will arrive ... and on time ... just right where I need to be ... me, alone, all by myself in the rubble of the lifestyle I lead ... resist the urge to pull me out because that will only put me back at square one ... If I am allowed to stay at the bottom and live there for a while ...

I am free to get sick of it on my own, free to begin to want out, free to look for a way out, and free to plan how I will climb back up to the top. In the beginning as I start to climb out.. I just might slide back down, but don't worry I might have to hit bottom a couple more times before I make it out safe and sound ... Don't you see ?? Don't you know?? You can't do this for me ... I have to do it for myself, but if you are always breaking the fall how am I ever suppose to feel the pain that is part of the driving force to want to get well. It is my burden to carry, not yours ...

I know you love me and that you mean well and a lot of what you do is because you don't know what to do and you act from your heart not from knowledge of what is best for me ... but if you truly love me let me go my own way, make my own choices be they bad or good ... don't clip my wings before I can learn to fly ... Nudge me out of your safety net ... trust the process and pray for me ... that one day I will not only fly, but maybe even soar.

hummingbird358

I too am a parent of an alcoholic son. It is destroying me. The girlfriend buys him booze on the weekends and my son will drink a case a day. He has this problem where he has to finish things all at once. With his homework at college, he is like that. He did an entire semesters online work in one day without reading the book and got an A. He is very intelligent but yet dumb. He denies his problem, lies to me and others, etc. He hates me and curses me because I am the only one who confronts him and calls him out on his lies. I am tired of it. I am tired of spending money on fixing his car, paying his parking tickets, etc. He has tried finding jobs to sidekick his college classes but is not having any luck. He did find one that would have been delivery newspapers from 12:30am to 3:30am 7 days a week. I was excited because that meant he would never come home! BUT I was also worried about his driving around at that time because he is CARELESS when it comes to driving. Well, his car was totaled because he slid off the road in a snowstorm into a ditch and whatever he drove over shredded the bottom of the car and would have cost a lot to fix so the insurance totaled it. He is getting a check from the insurance company now but it is not enough to cover a decent car. My dad is the one who always looks for the cars because he is retired and enjoys that. I told him there is NO rush for this. Let my son sit without a car for awhile. He was on his way back from getting booze at the diner anyway when he went off the road with his gf in the car. He is telling me he went to McDonalds, I know better. I checked his phone records and seen he called the diner where they sell alcohol and it is right by McDonalds>>> I told my parents we can not keep replacing cars or fixing them especially when we know alcohol was involved. I don't know if they will listen. He has them smoothed over with his charm.

By the way, I went to my first Alanon meeting tonight after 2 years and it was really nice. I was shocked at how full it was. Hugs to you! Sounds like we are living the same nightmare!

Seren

Yes, there are a few of us....my stepson is an alcoholic, crack addict, and pill popper. Mostly an alcoholic, though.

He has just about burned his last family bridge recently in that he behaved inappropriately around his 16 yo niece and her friend (he's mid-30's).

He allegedly has a job again, but no place to live. We pray, and we continue to encourage him to get help, and he continues to be controlled by his addictions.