helpimalive

They'll be supporting me soon, since I don't have savings.

Mom and dads response to my saying that at 26 I am an alcoholic and I'd like to stop was, as expected:

So?? Man up.

Because they're both lifelong functioning alcoholics. But *I* don't have that luxury. I don't function when drinking. If it wasn't for their money I'd be the homeless alcoholic type right now.

I feel so ... Lost and kind of betrayed? That they responded this way. Even though I anticipated it.

At least I'm four days sober, and have no intention of drinking again. That's ... some consolation. But with my support ending up being no support at all, I'm scared.

Christ I'm screwed end scared tho. I don't want this life I anticipate: Drinking and taking my family money and never living in my own right and being mostly half-conscious until I die. I was going to be my own gal, without even needing them ever; I managed that life for four years, but over time I drank my future away. And now I feel like it's almost like that's what they *really* expected and half *wanted*, because now I'm home and manageable, and I'm doing what they figured I'd do.

Christ. What is happening. My life is weird. It's REALLY HARD to stay sober when it feels like everyone in your life either doesn't care or kind of prefers you to be drunk.

kittycat3

Are you working? Volunteering or doing anything to keep yourself busy?
Sorry about your parents response, but as you said you expected it. What did you want to get out of the conversation?

helpimalive

I intend to get as many jobs/volunteer positions as the world will let me have in spite of my ruined work history. I'm still traveling, but as soon as I'm home, my whole job will be finding ways to be of use to the real world, and I know that. Looking forward to it.

I was hoping for ... Anything? But I guess you're right. I ought not have.

FeelingGreat

That is a disappointing response, but you must have a lot of self-respect to still be determined not to live off them forever. Do you have a plan for staying sober & re-building your life? I'd love to hear it if you do.

I'll tell you something surprising that happened to me. When I stopped drinking, and stuck to it for an extended period, some of my friends actually followed my example, with varying success. You never know, but this might be a learning experience for your parents.

Also remember, heavy drinkers love to find someone who is worse than them because it makes them look better. Your parents might be a little threatened by your sobriety, which is why they instinctively react how they do.

Speaking as an older women with adult children, can I suggest that you make a big effort to take on as much work around the house, or chores or cooking as possible? Without being asked at all. This will deliver a lot of power into your hands and help take you out of the child/parent relationship we tend to fall back into so easily. Your parents will respect this, I promise.

helpimalive

Man, taking on household chores is gonna be a huge part of moving in for me. I want to make sure I'm helpful. WhatEVER I can do to earn my keep. Glad to know that's the right thing to do. Thanks for the advice.

But neither of my parents will drink any less even if I manage to keep stopped, I stg. They're both extremely entrenched. They have drinking lifestyles. Me, I just want to keep to myself, I just don't have much faith. I've ****** up so *much* with alcohol. I'm lost. My Mom's red wine closet. My dad's downstairs bar and upstairs bar and outside bar. I feel a bit like I don't stand a chance.

Wastinglife

I can so relate. My parents are both functioning alcoholics. Functioning as far as they don't drink before 5pm, so in their mind, it means that they just like to enjoy a few drinks. Nevermind the fact that my mother has broken her hip and needed to have hip replacement surgery from a fall down the stairs. My father having past out drunk one night on the front lawn and being carried in by the neighbours.

I have both their genes which is a perfect storm. By the time I was 25, I was drinking everyday after work, barely functioning in the office, DUI, and running up credit cards. My parents advice was "well, just stop drinking". Lost my job, moved in with my gf at the time because I got evicted from my own place. Again, my parents just said "get a hold of yourself" type stuff.

They provided financial help, but no emotional support or anything. I sobered up but they are in deep denial still.

izzy8

That does sound like a challenging situation and I relate. Sounds like you need support more than ever that you may need to be intentional about finding. Hang in there and don't give up!

helpimalive

Oh man, I relate to so much of that. Especially the "perfect storm" part (Alcoholics mating is a problem :p, ha ... ).

By 25 I was the same. I'm 26 now and ... I've already ruined everything! I was in a very finicky industry, one without second chances. (Journalism--you either win or you don't, the end.) So here I am. Without a second chance at my own life.

But with a family. An alcoholic family. I should be grateful, right?

I'm not 1000 percent grateful.

I know I should be.

MariahGayle

Glad your hear helpme.....You made a great decision to stop drinking. Do this for yourself & move forward to building a new life for you

FeelingGreat

Your attitude will be a big part of how you go so try framing the negatives a little differently:
- You're 26, you will have many, many, more chances in your life. It might take you in directions you don't expect, but life will carry on around you and you have every chance of living a good one.
- Plan around your family addiction. Make your M's wine cupboard and F's bar strictly off-limit. Don't hang around them in the evening when they are drinking. This is really important in the early days when the cravings will hit.
- Have action plans for cravings. There is a lot of information on this site which can help you get through the temptations. Read as much as you can, don't let yourself get too hungry or tired.
- Believe in yourself. You can salvage this situation one step at a time.

Jupiters

hey helpme
You're only 26, you WILL have a 2nd chance. You're not done yet. You know you need help and have reached out. As much as it sucks that your parents aren't exactly being "supportive" in the way you would like, use the resources at hand that they ARE providing to get yourself into a better space
You can do this. You may need to be a bit more diligent if there's booze around the house, but you can do it. Have a plan and be ready to access it. Stay close to here.

Soberwolf

Hi Helpimalive im sorry your parents said 'so what man up'

Hang in there your doing great on 4 days sober you can turn this around

DoubleDragons

When I was 19 I told my parents that I felt that I had a drinking problem. They responded much like your parents did, so I continued to drink until I was in my forties. I have now been sober for 16 months and this has helped give to me the most self respect/self care that I have ever had in my life! I wish I had your guts and foresight to have done this much younger in my life. It is NEVER too late to take your life in a new direction and the only life that you have control of is yours. Take that control. BTW, my parents are alcoholics/heavy drinkers, as well, and my mother's alcoholism has gotten completely out of control. It is a progressive disease and as you step out of it, it will become more clear to you how addiction has really taken over your parents' lives.

Fly N Buy

You're very young and may not realize it, but you still have your whole life in front of you. Truly, you can be or do anything you want!!

Find a program/plan of recovery. Get some sober time and start your new life. It is there for the taking if you are willing.

When drunk, my life really became one of no choice. Life was simply chance - whatever was tossed in front of me daily. Highly reactive existence.

As sobriety takes over, day by day - chances dissipates and leads to choices and options for fruitful life!

Don't try to project bad things down the road. Stay in today, work a plan and embrace the financial support you are getting. You're fortunate for this time. Use it as a gift.

Kind Regards,

Cascabel

It may be that your parent's seeming indifference is, in fact, a consequence of them just barely hanging on themselves. Most people who drink too much are, I believe, well aware of their problem. Having you around, sober, may uncomfortably sharpen their own awareness of their problems.

Because of this, your parents may work to sabotage your sobriety. Frankly, I don't think being with them is conducive to long-term sobriety. Please consider some other living arrangement even if it means a rented room, bus transport and flipping hamburgers. Right now, your continued sobriety is top priority.

Dee74

I thought that too. The thing I realise now is I had to care. I had to accept my fundamental worth as a human being and get myself out of the mess I was in.

For a time I had to run on faith that I had that worth cos I couldn't see it - I'd been drinking a loing time and my perception was all skewed...but my head cleared

I had to take the wheel and steer my ship, because noone else would.

That doesn't mean you can't find support - there's a ton of it around, even if it doesn't seem like it's not where you'd like it to be, rightnow?

D

Anna

One of the things I had to learn in early recovery is that I was stopping drinking for myself. It didn't matter what others thought about it. In fact, I didn't tell anyone what I was doing, just let people see the changes.

You need to dig deep and believe in yourself. You can do this. You have support for the time being and you can use this time to turn your life around and become the person you want to be.

Nuke

I too grew up with functioning alcoholics as parents. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT they had a few glasses of wine and would go through a 1/5th of brandy, so I grew up thinking that was the norm. Then when I joined the Navy my drinking career really took off, only to be fostered even further when I got out and went to college...needless to say, I have a LONG history of abusing alcohol, a long history of knowing that I was an alcoholic, a long history of denying that I was an alcoholic, and a long history of avoiding seeking the help that I needed. Now, I am a functioning sober alcoholic that has gotten that way from the support of this site and my counselor. You can do this, and don't feel like you have no more second chances, it took me until I was 30 to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, and now at 35, I think that I am where I belong.

You can do this, seek out the help that YOU need and know that even though all of us are strangers on here we are here to support you and offer any guidance that we can.

Gonnachange

Don't in any way thing your life is over or destined to go a certain route. You're young and have plenty of time to turn things around and live the life you've envisioned for yourself during sunnier times. You are currently taking and plan to take many positive steps; that's great.

I'm not minimizing the situation you're in, just adding my perspective.