freetosmile

Oh wow- do I ever.

Guess I realized at therapy how ticked off I really am.

You send me a text saying how mad and hurt you are at me???

And my offense is talking too much about past relationships---this happened 6 effing years ago, and this is what you got??

Ok....and your telling me this WHY? Why the hell do I need to know this?? Oh that's right- so you can just remind me how you REALLY feel.

So I guess all the times you called me the C word, kicked the side of the car door in right in front of the kids, and blah blah blah don't count for me, huh? NONE of that makes a difference because YOU WERE DRUNK...well guess what jerkwad, I was severely abused.....and YOU won't let me "use" that as an excuse. I wasn't trying to use it as an excuse anyway...I was trying to tell that for better or worse, THIS IS WHAT I COME FROM. THIS IS ME.

I am so angry right now.

And yes, it hurts. It hurts because the person I chose as a life partner just SUCKS. SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!!!!!!

I'm outgrowing you. You are still stuck in the you hurt me so now I'm going to hurt you. I'm done with that ********.

You haven't even SAID anything really wrong today and I still just want to walk away- why? Because you are still in the " I'm injured and it's ALL YOUR FAULT" mode. NO effing way. I don't care if your NOT even going to say that- I'm just tired of being scared that you WILL.

----I'm so mad. I guess maybe I was so scared about the "reacting" part- that I failed to look at the rest. I knew his silent treatment was about "all the wrong I had done him".

I knew I would get a text like this today.

He commends me, ya know...he says " I'm so proud of you for taking care of 5 children and holding down the fort while I was away"....

REALLY??? That's the credit I get? I've been doing that ALL ALONG- you were just too drunk and self-absorbed to see.

I'm just mad and hurt. I'll get over it. I can handle this. I just needed a vent. I hate it when I'm off balance like this and when he was gone I got a brief time where I really found out what my life COULD be like without him. Now- all the old feelings are rushing back to me and I'm dreading them sooo much because I got a glance that my life doesn't HAVE to be like this.

LexieCat

On the contrary, my dear free, you are sounding as balanced as a person can get.

Hold onto that glance. Keep moving toward it. Your life DOESN'T have to be like this.

The scales fall from our eyes, and sometimes they make a big WHOMP when they do. That's all.

Hang in there, we've got your back.

Thumper

I agree with Lexi!

It is OK to be angry. That was my first signal that I was looking at things with a healthier perspective. When I never got mad at anything - I was not functioning very well.

You know - some people never leave that spot. My ex sent me an email last month about something I said in 2009. Same theme as you described. I mean - I've been divorced since January 2010 and am about as close to no contact as one can get with four kids. He lives on the other side of the state. We never see each other and never talk. I send him pictures or info about the kids about once a month and that is IT. Yet he still lives in that place. I'm no longer angry obviously (but I was in the beginning!) but just grateful it isn't me stuck back in the past.

Now - the less 'al-anon' more girlfriend part of me just has to reply to this...

And you can UN-choose him too!

Hammer

wow. THAT is pretty good for an AH (the other AH -- Not Alcoholic Husband).

Best I got regarding Rehab (guess who the chump was that fully paid for that?) was a Sneer and, "I did not really have to go . . ." from the little Princess.

Basic Math says: AH = AH

You know it is all over whenever you say so?

Hammer

A little demonstration picture of that works . . .

CodeJob

Plan X for Exit. With all of these low flow toilets, a safety flush is always advised.

lillamy

Like I just said to Jodie -- Stay Pissed Off!!!