unease7

My oldest daughter will be 14 this summer and the ONLY thing she wants is for me & her to go to Gatlinburg TN together .This has always been her favorite place to go We both love to shop for ANYTHING! and they have so many cute little one of kind shops there and its so beautiful. Vacations have Never been important to him & it makes me physically sick to my stomach to think of all the money he has spent on booze and pills and how many wonderful vacations we could have took the girls on with that money:*******: I really want to do this and take both my girls, god knows they need this as much as I do. The problem is going to be HIM there is no way in hell he will just let this happen first he will try to discourage the whole thing then he will pull the we cant afford this! even thought I will NOT be asking for any money from him. It will be as it typically is me paying for everything myself. Next he will say he wants to go with us! And I am sure even if we go alone anyway, he would follow us :*******: treats me like a child who is incapable of doing something like this on my own and when that wont work he tries to make feel guilty for leaving him out or making him feel un needed (not trying to make him feel anything it is a proven fact that I DONT NEED HIM):wtf1 Any advice or help with getting the courage up to just do it? I am a great mom I am a responsible mom & I go to work everyday and work hard to take care of and support my kids physically emotionally and financialy without regular dependable help from ah taking this vacation shouldn't be a problem but he will be determined to make it a problem?!?! Has anyone been in this situation?

Ann

Plan it for just the two of you, mother and daughter, and then do it.

What he thinks or says or tries to do doesn't matter, as Nike says...just do it!

I have wonderful memories of a few trips with my mother at around the same age and I hope you and your daughter have a wonderful time and make beautiful memories.

Please don't disappoint yourself and your daughter trying to appease someone who will try to use this to his selfish advantage.

Hugs

ladyscribbler

When I still lived with my ex my oldest son asked to go to Splash Lagoon for his birthday. My ex was all pouty when I told him only me and the kids were going, but a couple years before when we all went he'd gotten drunk and was in the state where he thought he could charm people. So he tried to schmooze with the security guard while reeking of booze. The guy told him he could stay if he didn't go in the water, which of course he did anyway because rules don't apply to him. The guard caught him and we all got thrown out. It was mortifying. He didn't think it was a big deal because he's paid for it, and even complained like it was the security guard's fault.
So I told him no way he was going this time. He looked all sad and hangdog and said in his sad little boy voice, "Don't I get another chance?" It didn't help his case that he was sitting there with a beer in his hand at 9 a.m.- not the first of the day either.
I was so glad I held that boundary, because the kids and I have a wonderful memory of that day. The day I refused to let alcoholism anywhere near us. The first of many. It was a wonderful, stress-free day.

CodeJob

I travel regularly without RAH. That was part of my detaching. If I wanted to go somewhere or have DS experience it, then I really did my best to set it as a goal.

hopeful4

DO IT! I let my XAH tag along on a trip and he made it miserable. Don't miss out on this time w/your girls, they grow up way too fast.

I would explain that you are having a GIRLS TRIP and I would not even tell him where I am going. Then GO!

Twofish

Dear Unease,
Please take advantage of this momma/daughter time!
Our children grow up so quickly, and in a blink of an eye
they themselves become adults.
Never forget that YOU are a good and caring
momma who has a young teenager who loves and looks
up to you! JUST DO IT, and think of those wonderful
memories...
AH, he's trying to guilt trip you? Ignore him and his
addictions. Your child needs you and you need her.
You don't need HIS permission to spend $. Did he ask
YOU permission to spend tons of $ on drugs??
I will assure you that there are a few hundred SR
members giving you "permission" and encouragement
to go on this vacation with your dear daughter!!
Happy shopping and happy memories!!
XXOX
TF

unease7

Thank you to ALL of you! you guys are amazing, and this was just the encouragement I needed! THANK YOU!!!!

maia1234

I say go for it!!

Book it and don't tell him. Then when it gets close you can mention it that you might be going but not for sure.

Then go!! Less quacking if he doesn't know that whole time!!