countrygirl2014

I have a short temper lately. Brief episodes of temper tantrum like behavior. Something I though I left behind in my teenage years but I obviously just drank it away all this time.
There is no time to breathe or think when it happens...I just snap and I hate it. It's immature and ridiculous. It is a character defect along with the dramatics that go with it. Any suggestions on how to dissolve this embarrassingly destructive behavior?

Jennifer

tomsteve

I was once told I stopped growing mentally and emotionally when I picked up my first drink. I believed em.
I had serious anger problems. Was told i was a ragaholic.It has taken me a lot of work. Through that work was building a callus on my lip from biting it.
What I did was write down who,what,where I was angry at, why, and how it effected me. I did this for my past,too. All the past resentments. Taught me a lot about myself, the greatest is that anger was how I expressed one of the many faces of fear.

But it wasn't that easy. Workin through that I STILL had to work on the crap that was happening.another thing I learned is the sudden outbursts I would have weren't so sudden. It was a buildup over time of things- things I didn't resolve.

And today? Not much anger happens but it's taken work. When it does happen the cause is as simple as things aren't going my way.

advbike

Usually the work of our ego, which loves to create havoc. Oftentimes we're responding to an event which has triggered an emotional defensive mechanism created years before, perhaps even in childhood. The ego remembers these past hurts even when we may not, ie. they're subconscious.

advbike

It takes work, as to Steve mentions, to see the patterns and of course to recognize the inner dialogue. Often I have an emotional reaction to some event, which is subconscious, but I catch myself when the inner talk track starts. Criticizing, labeling, comparing, etc.

SoberLeigh

When I reflect upon losing my temper, I usually realize that the loss of my temper was not commensurate with the 'event' that triggered the loss of temper (blown out of proportion) and that it was actually a response to an accumulation of events that I let slide, chose to ignore or didn't address when they arose. I find that if I try to be more responsive in the moment, things don't build and my temper is more controlled and less fragile.

Hang in there, Jennifer. We do 'drink' away emotions in active alcoholism; in sobriety, we learn a new way to deal.

Soberwolf

Have you considered addiction counselling ?

There is a book i reccomend called the chimp paradox

As soon as you feel those feeling even in the slightest take yourself out of the situation immediately and evaluate is this the real you, rationalise is this the way you want to behave or want to be percieved

youl really enjoy the chimp paradox good luck CG

countrygirl2014

I will look for that book. Thanks

It sounds like it's almost fourth step time. After hearing all of your comments it makes sense.

My tantrums started (from what I remember) around 8, the same time my parents fought and divorced, the same time I started hating myself. Nothing got better. All my friends turned their backs on me in 7th grade, my dad was a mean nasty drunk on the weekends we had to visit him, and my poor mom got the temper tantrum me all week long. I started getting severely bullied in 8th grade and that carried on all through school. Almost caused me to not graduate. During school I started drinking and doing drugs. So from age 15 on up I was in an I don't care cloud. The rage continued well up until a doctor put me on zoloft. Now that I am one hundred and something days of no numbing, it's all coming out. It sucks.

Jennifer

Nowsthetime

That's normal Jen. Let it out! That way it can't poison you anymore. Have you tried journaling? Getting your thoughts and temper out will help you inside. Stay close and vent. It always helps.

countrygirl2014

I have said I was going to journal, and haven't. I think it's time

Jennifer

Soberwolf

Journal is a fantastic idea it really helps

JadedGirl

I downloaded that book recently on my iphone and its fab so far x

Soberpotamus

I know the automatic sort of response or "snap" that you're talking about. Had this happen for several months. I was full of rage that had to be dealt with. Somehow I managed to deal with it all without becoming destructive. I sorted the issues out in my mind. Some of it was grief over my mom's death, some of it went back to childhood, some of it was about my husband, and on and on... I couldn't tell you how exactly I deal with it, other than to say that in time it dissipated. It just lessened in intensity, and then suddenly I was feeling lighter, better equipped to handle new and immediate stressors. I credit most of it to just not drinking. And the subsequent healing of the brain. It was as if I removed the alcohol, ripped off this bandage and exposed all my festering wounds, they were kind of ugly and gaping for a while... and then began to heal

Trust the process.

countrygirl2014

I like that Jennie. I'm grateful I have school today but really awful memories are coming up that I am just shocked over...sorry all...I have to call my sponsor right now.

Jennifer

Soberpotamus

Hey, Jen, another thing... try not to add to the thoughts I mean, don't beat yourself up or feel badly for having them. Let it hang out for a while. Sit with it. They won't go away until you "befriend" them and allow them to go. That's my bit of Thich Nhat Hahn advice for the day It works.

countrygirl2014

The combo of the help of you guys and the additional support of people in AA is truly a gift, blessing and a miracle.
Thank you guys sooooo much for being there. You always head me in the right direction and then my sponsor fine tunes it. I love the people in this app...I mean that

Jennifer

Nofearnobeer

That must be whats going on with me lately...After work , I just go home and go to bed , and I told my wife I do that so I don't start verbally lashing out, because I have been rather PO'd about a lot lately ....

Jsbodhi

This is what's happening with me, it's not a single event, it's an accumulation.

Anna

I had a LOT of anger, too, at outset of my recovery. A lot of it was directed towards myself for allowing myself to become an alcoholic. And, the anger got in my way. Journaling helped a lot. I would write when the anger struck and it actually felt like a release.

And, SW's book suggestion, The Chimp Paradox, is a good one. We are NOT our feelings.

KateL

Counselling often helps. I have found I have definitely mellowed with old age and the old fiestyness appears only when it's really needed like in bulling situations. I rarely raise my voice nowadays though. xxxx

tomsteve

Welp, just so happens that the fourth step is how I found the causes and conditions.
I won't say suddenly anger wasn't a problem for me as a result of the steps. I learned a difference between frustration, anger, and resentment. If I let frustration go too long without taking care of it I get angry, which leads to resentment, which is something I can't afford.


It was somewhere around 3 months or so when the fog was gone and I also had the serious anger problem pop up.
I very rarely get angry any more.